Y/N: Self Care Is Stuff Like Taking A Bubble Bath Or Putting On A Lot Of Make Up If You Like That, Or

Y/N: If you had to choose between Steve and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Bucky: That depends, how much money are we talking about?

Steve: Bucky!

Y/N: 63 cents.

Bucky: …I’ll take the money.

Steve: BUCKY!!!

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Ned: Did you bring Y/N?

Shuri, gesturing to Peter: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Ned: Peter? The next best thing would be MJ.

Peter: I would be offended, but MJ is freakishly strong.

Y/N: JAMES!!!

Bucky: First name, could be fine.

Y/N: BUCHANAN!!!

Steve: Middle name, not looking so good!

Y/N: BARNES!!!

Steve: You’re in trouble.

Y/N: YOU TOO, STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!!

Bucky: *smirks*

Steve: …Shit…

Bucky: HELP! I TOLD Y/N I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Steve, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip.

Y/N: But we lost Pietro.

Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip!

*The squad over at Steve’s house*

Thor: Ohhh, we each get our own oven?

Steve: …N-No…

Steve, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Thor, motioning to the kitchen: Three, I thought!

Bruce: I see a—

Steve, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Thor: Oh, well I—

Steve: Hey wait, wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Steve, amazed: It’s got a bake setting!

Clint: Ohoho, you learn something new everyday!

Tony: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Steve: Now I’ve just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don’t need to roshambo nothin!

Steve: I am someone who owns four ovens…

Steve, louder and way too happy: I am someone… who owns FOUR OVENS…

Steve: I didn’t know I was so rich with ovens…

Natasha, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Steve:

Thor: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Steve:

Steve, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

Steve: Hey, what have you two been up to?

Thor: We were helping Y/N write their vows, but they kicked us out because Bucky was making inappropriate suggestions.

Bucky: How is “Loki, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

Shuri: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Peter: 'Prettiest Smile'

Ned: 'Nicest Personality'

MJ: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Y/N: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Y/N: This food is too hot... I can’t eat it.

Bucky: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.

Everyone at the table: *silence*

Sam: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Tony: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!