Binge Eating Has And Is Destroying My Life. It Has Been So Many Years I Can't Even Remember When I Had

I wish there was a way for me to get interact with him. For me to even talk to him once. I have so little knowledge, so little perception of him in actuality, but my mind keeps thinking about him. So it's always just craving more to think about.

It would be food from store from this town that I won't be able to get before Monday otherwise. And like, the taste and texture of the food haunts me. I can't think abt anyhting else. Even that ill be able to eat other shit when I get home doesn't console me. I can't sleep because all I can think about is that food.

The fact that I acc have to resist the thought about skipping school just go and buy food is wild, cause the school in question is a short, nice and actually useful.

Maybe one of the reasons I feel so much younger than I am is because I am stuck in the same place where I was when I was much younger. I have grown, gotten new experiences, changed as a person. But at my core I am still a little girl who just keeps wishing they wouldn't have to exist anymore.

I wish I was loved

I accidentally said his name when I cut myself. It was like a call, a beg for help. I have never even talked to him, I don't know him. But my mind latched onto the idea of him. I feel quilty for feeling so much for him when he doesn't even know I exist or perceive him as someone more than a passerby.

I think my mind just needs someone to obsess over.

I wish I knew what he thought of me. What thought come into his head when he glides his gaze over me? I would even want to know if it's bad, it's better than living in the unknown, I could change if possible and I could use the sadness to cut myself.

If only I could read his mind, better yet control it.

She didn't give me even a chance to ask sumn. Said right away it isn't gonna change. 5 euros an hour it is 😭😭

Tomorrow I'll have to go to the staff manager at my summer job and look over my contract. I should ask for more pay than last summer but idk how ughhh.

And then day after that I'll actually have ti go to work. In theory it's not that bad, but just the idea of it fills me with unlimited tread.

I feel as if ill never be able to escape my food addiction. I feel prisoned for eternity. I don't want to live like this, but its part of my whole being. It has fuzed itself into every fiber of me. The only way to escape it is to kill myself.

I cant bring myself to do anything. I have so much to do, but I don't do anything. It feels like I'm incapable of everything. I just want to not exist anymore. Just not be.

I took a nap during the day and now I can't sleep. I'm so bored and just want to sleep, but I Literally can not fall asleep.