Got Halfway Through Eating A Sandwich Today And Realized I Forgot To Take The Paper Off A Slice Of Cheese.

Seeing a cyber truck in person is truly a bonding experience. Someone parked one of those monstrosities in a no parking zone at work and me and my coworkers gathered like this

Guy who transforms into a swarm of locusts when shaken vigorously: hey can you turn the music down it's resonating kind of hard and shaking the ground and I don't want to endanger anyone

DJ Loudmusic: SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THESE SICK JAMS! HERE'S MY NEXT SONG, "EPIC JUNGLE BEAT THAT GIVES LOCUSTS THE DESIRE TO KILL HUMAN BEINGS"

I will draw a man pregnant If you pay me 30 dollars. This is a bargain.

Please dm me here or on Twitter dannydbeeto if your interested :3

can you guys watch my squab for me im gonna go on my smoko

me when I wake up at six am for my five hour shift and my boss begs me to stay for nine hours instead

First time posting in here.. :]

@forgetmenautical

@forgetmenautical

in the club freakin it in a sensitive style

Thanks Siffrin for helping me make the best pun of my life