This Is A Valid Way To Assimilate Soul Siblings

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

"Yesss" SugarTobi moans the word quietly, nearly whimpering as the eldest Tobi's nails come into play, "I can take it...can take everything you give me, please..."

-

A hand grips his neck just enough to choke him at the same time his younger self scratches his nails over his ass and Madara freezes, body trembling as he climaxes. He can feel the other Madara swallowing around him and he pulls that hungry mouth closer, making sure the man gets his fill. "Oh fuck, yes, just like that...gods, you feel so good, so very good~ Just you wait, old man; you're going to fucking love me at any age..."

((Edited content: @dahtwitchi))

[gvTobi really likes using his nails. Also likes feeling SugarTobi's scars from the inside of his mouth. Also the begging is nice.]

[gvMadara lols a bit. He doesn't love his alternates, he's just going to enjoy them. He doesn't completely like that his Tobi is enjoying the other Tobi so much. Pulls SugarMadara's hair and demands distraction when he sees his Tobi going deeper.]

((Return to: @donkoogrr))

SugarTobi is so, so still, keeping his mouth open and wanting, shivering with lust as his alternate traces over his scars. He wants to beg for more from this man, to plead for anything he is willing to give, but that would mean interrupting the way his mouth is being finger-fucked and there's no way he wants that to happen. He closes his eyes to better feel the sensation and to send out just a tendril of chakra. Wanting.

-

"I can work with that." He reaches up and grabs his alternate's wrist, using the pressure points to free himself. SugarMadara twists with surprising gracefulness considering that his legs are shaking and falls to his knees, pulling the man's clothes out of his way. "Get your hands in my hair and get ready for a fucking ride. Gods, look at you, so nice and heavy. You better make me choke on this monster-!"

He is abruptly cut off when his younger self grabs his head and unceremoniously pushes him all the way down. YoungestMadara leans his weight against the other man, staring into the Eldest Madara's eyes and looking slightly unhinged himself. "When people say I talk too much, I'm going to start listening to them. Give me that lube; this guy is prepped and I am going to get my dick in him one way or another."

The youngest straightens up and yanks back, pulling the choking Madara up by his hair, "That sound good to you?"

SugarMadara groans and spreads his legs. He had rather hoped this is what would be happening after his younger self had discovered that he had taken inspiration from his own Tobirama to welcome his lover back from his long-term mission. Hiding the fact that he was being fingered from his alternate older self had been beyond difficult, but he is very proud to see the surprised look on the man's face.

"Fuck yes, let's do this."

((Edited content: @dahtwitchi))

[gvTobi is curious is SugarTobi can come from this alone and then he hears that and accidentally goes too deep when he looks over and demands that he be let in on that.]

[gvMadara freezes up. May be contemplating the murder of his alternates.]

((Return to: @donkoogrr))

It turns out SugarTobi can indeed come just from that, especially combined with the sound of the older Tobirama's appreciation for the Madaras' positions. He doesn't choke though, keeps himself breathing steadily in silent, open-mouthed obedience even as his eyes close in ecstasy.

-

"Holy fuck." The youngest one breathes the words like a prayer as he applies a layer of slick to his erection. SugarMadara looks over at the Tobis, moaning quietly as he sees his boy being so well-behaved. "Good gods, me, say yes!"

((Edited content: @dahtwitchi))

[gvTobi realizes his man is close to murdering his alternates in a fit of jealousy. Uses his sexy commander voice to interrupt the killkillkill mantra. Takes the seals off his eyes so he is blind and cannot see the other Madaras.]

[gvMadara is going to not kill his younger alternates as long as they don't touch his Tobi. Also, he is already halfway prepped himself because nothing says "I missed you" better than anal(?)]

((Return to: @donkoogrr))

The other two Madaras reign in their shock at seeing Tobi's seals vanish, though they are not...they had not realized that this Tobi had been blinded and had used his abilities to seal away the wounds. (They do not know that this is a different sort of seal than the ones on his body) SugarMadara in particular has to swallow back a snarl, wants to demand how his alternate dares to make blindness a condition to Tobirama getting something he wants.

"Fuck, you couldn't have him wear a blindfold, you need him to lose his sight?!"

He does not do well at holding back his anger, even in such a compromising conditions, even if he wants to stay silent and let desire win out over his protective nature.

-

There's a distressed murmur from the cuddling Tobis left to the side, their chakra senses picking up the disturbances. Neither of them are very capable of blocking out their senses, they won't be until they leave subspace.

I think I've been reading Bernard's name with the wrong pronunciation for years. I didn't watch many shows and I haven't played the games so I haven't actually heard the canon pronunciation of Bernard and now I'm having a light existential crisis.

Because the second way is how it's pronounced in my region and the first way makes me think of Bianca from The Rescuers.

Yesssss new resource. New things to learn. Add this to the knowledge hoard.

AWESOME SEX-ED

Ok it has just occurred to me that probably not everyone knows about my favorite sex-ed resource, Scarleteen! They have loads of great articles with information about sex, birth control, etc. They also have ways for you to ask questions that you want answered!

They have articles on everything from having sex as a disabled person, a fat person, and/or an intersex person to how to get FREE birth control as a minor(!!!) asexuality 101 and so much more!!

This is an awesome resource and my go-to when I want to know something about sex, I highly recommend it for anyone with questions/curiosities about sex, and while it's largely teen focused, there will be something here that's helpful for just about anyone!

When I started writing this post I was just going to include a couple articles... but I found so many I like so here are a bunch that may be helpful under the cut (Disclaimer: I have not read all of them because there are so many, nor am I in every group of people they're about, for example I'm not intersex or disabled, so I can't speak to the accuracy of all of them, but I've generally found Scarleteen to be pretty reliable.)

The articles I've included are mostly less typical stuff and things I think are super important but not talked about enough, if you're looking for more basic sex-ed just going to their website will get you started.

Tagging a couple accounts on here who do sex-ed stuff incase they want to reblog (No pressure though <3) @certifiedsexed @batmanisagatewaydrug

ALSO APPARENTLY SCARLETEEN IS ON TUMBLR??? @hellyeahscarleteen amazing.

Anatomy

Quickies: Sexual Anatomy | Scarleteen

With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body | Scarleteen

Intersex stuff

(Inter)sex and Relationships | Scarleteen (A series of articles by an intersex person)

Supporting Your Intersex Child Through Puberty | Scarleteen

Trans stuff

Supports for Trans Youth and Their Families (and a few words for everybody else) | Scarleteen

It's a Trap: How to Spot Anti-Trans Resources | Scarleteen

Self-Care Amidst a Deluge of Anti-Trans Legislation | Scarleteen

Transmasculine Flow: Let's Talk Periods | Scarleteen

Welcome to Trans Summer School! | Scarleteen (At the top there's a drop down that says "This piece is part of Trans Summer School" which shows you all of the articles)

The Lowdown on Low-Dose Testosterone | Scarleteen

Finding Our Own Voices: Renée Yoxon and Gender-Affirming Vocal Therapy | Scarleteen

Some Books and Balms for Nonbinary Folks | Scarleteen

Fatness

Fat Bodies: Learning to Care for Your Rolls and Folds | Scarleteen

The Confidence of Fat Sexuality: An interview with sex educator Elle Chase | Scarleteen

Disability stuff

Disabled Sex: Sex for Two (or More) | Scarleteen

Wheelchair, Bound? Kink and Disability | Scarleteen

Consent Is Sexy: Sexual Autonomy and Disability | Scarleteen

We Need to Talk About Sex and ADHD | Scarleteen

Body Talk: Listening To and Learning From Your Chronic Pain | Scarleteen

A Disabled Persons Guide to Talking with Your Partner(s) About Sex | Scarleteen

Sex and Parent Caregivers | Scarleteen

Disabled Sex Yes! | Scarleteen

I really want to have sex, but I don't know how, and I'm queer, chronically ill and isolated. | Scarleteen

Birth control

Getting Birth Control May Be Easier Than You Think! | Scarleteen (Aka how to get FREE BIRTH CONTROL as a MINOR. Not just for the USA but also Australia, Canada, India, New Zealand, South Africa, and the UK)

How to Manage Pain with IUD Insertions | Scarleteen (Not even just about pain, super in-depth helpful guide)

Other

F*c&!ng First Aid: A Quick Guide to Common Sex Injuries | Scarleteen

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse | Scarleteen

Sex after rape. Where do I begin? | Scarleteen

Becoming Out: a totally non-exhaustive, step by step guide to coming out | Scarleteen

Your PMDD Primer: A Necessary Guide to an Under Researched Disorder | Scarleteen

Crisis Pregnancy Centers: Harm, Not Help | Scarleteen

Just the Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer | Scarleteen

Is there any way to say “I have a raging Internet crush on your fanfics” without it being weird?

Asking for a friend.

Edit: And how many people would a person be allowed to say this to before being legally known as a 'FicHo'?

Still asking for a friend.

Jason is the most impregnate-able Bat because we all know by instinct that he'd rearrange his entire life to take care of his kid.

He's not just a Daddy, he's a Father. He would nurture the fuck outta that kid. He would read all the most accredited books, he'd be active on the parenting blogs, he'd be there at the PTA meetings.

Jason would be that special mix of terrified and excited to help this child grow up. He's the parent that a kid won't be too afraid to call when they've done something really stupid and they need help now. He's the parent who will work so hard during arguments to try to say the right thing.

We can all see Jason "Get Him Pregnant" Todd being such a loving dad at every milestone in his kid's life that we can't help but want to give him that kid.

(This message was sponsored by the supporters of @arandomao3user's campaign to get Jason Todd Pregnant.)

Today's the anniversary.

Goodbye Jaybin, you were a goddamn delight.

Hello, yes, can I get uhhhh an Outsiders-View fic of the general Crime Alley population slowly gaining respect for the weird yellow-haired kid who's apparently banging Red Robin into a new state of existence?

No one knows exactly who he is, but whenever they see him around they spread the word to stay away from dark alleys. There are some sights goons just don't want to risk seeing; Red Hood might take your eyes for it or something.

More freaky timbern?

Sigh... Do your parents not feed you? Guess I'll have to U_U

SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD!!!

Bernard and Tim, making out in the corner of a sofa:

Dick, walking in: Hey T... REALLY!? IN THE FAMILY SITTING ROOM!?

Tim, panting as they break for air: Sorry, uno got intense.

Dick: This happened because of an uno game?

Bernard: We'll use any excuse, really.

—

Tim, slipping inside quietly:

Bernard, flicking on the lights: Are you injured?

Tim: No—

Bernard, instantly tackling him to the nearest flat surface to kiss him:

Tim: ?! Woah! Woah, you good? Are you okay?

Bernard: Yeah just really horny, your a#& looks great by the way.

Tim: Oh, okay—

Bernard: Sex?

Tim: Sex. Yeah. Continue.

—

Tam: You never looked at me like that when we dated.

Tim: You walked in on Bernard and I having sex in my office?

Tam: My point stands.

—

Tim, post getting his back blown out: . . . Is it psychological torture to eat a fish in front of a fish?

Bernard, just got done cleaning up: Fish are dumb.

—

Tim, cursing in French mid sex:

Bernard: Oh, that's hot.

—

Jason: Why are you in Crime Alley talkin' to the workin' ladies??

Bernard: I like to ask for tips.

Jason: . . . What?

Bernard: We exchange them, actually.

Jason: . . . YOU ASK THEM HOW TO PLEASURE MY LITTLE BROTHER!?

Bernard: They don't go around telling anyone. We talk politics, too, sometimes.

Jason: You're a weird little man.

Bernard: This little man f-#%$s your little brother!

Jason: i. . . y'know what? I'm with Dick now, STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER, FREAK!

Bernard: MAKE ME!

Jason, pulling out a gun:

Bernard, already running: Poor choice of words!

—

Bernard, sending a photo to the Young Justice group chat of him next to an unconscious, shirtless Tim with the caption "Guess what we just did!":

Kon, immediately replying: Twister.

Bart: Baking.

Cassie: Sex.

Bernard: Actually he got stabbed in the abdomen, he taught me how to do stitches! #CoupleGoals

—

Tim: Ugh, I think I have internal bruising...

Jason: Pfft, get your a#& kicked?

Tim: No, pounded.

Jason:

Tim:

Jason:

Tim:

Jason:

Tim: Karma for what happened at Titans Tower.

Jason:

—

Cass: I fear pregnancy, the loss of autonomy, control of my life? It scares me, the thought...

Tim: Damn, after Bern and I have unsafe sex I usually just pray to Cassie's aunts and uncles and list off the reasons I'd be a terrible parent.

—

Tim: We can either have sex or play Minecraft.

Bernard: . . . This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

Tim:

—

Tim, in his Red Robin uniform, straddling Bernard's lap and making out with him in an alleyway:

Bernard, pulling his hair:

Tim: Ugh... We should really stop.

Bernard: Mm, why, love dove? Don't need to if you feel good...

Tim: If we get caught Batman might actually kill you...

Bernard: I'd die a happy man~~

Barbara: Red Robin, you never turned your comm off.

Tim:

Barbara: I turned it off for you when Bernard started talking dirty to you, but you've traumatized Robin, and Batman is on his way.

Bernard: . . Tim?

Tim: F&#$!

—

So, it's been some time since I read that Justice League arc that has The Batman Who Laughs. Can anyone tell me how canon that dude's existence is nowadays? Because I'm pretty sure that due to time travel, he's the specific reason Superman stopped Batman from killing the Joker after Jason's death.

And did anyone remember what happened to the Rabid Robins? Was one of them confirmed to be an alternate Tim or was that fan speculation? Did they all die or get sent back to their shitty world without being helped or what? I know that his version of Damian got Joker Jr'ed, but I don't remember what happened to him, either.

And the big ask. Is Joker's living body still boobytrapped to release enough Joker Venom to Jokerize whoever is near him when he dies? Because I thought that that was why Batman revived Joker when Nightwing killed him - not just because the act would have wrecked Dick at that point in time but because otherwise Batman, Nightwing, and Robin all would have been in danger.

Like I said, it's been awhile since I read the comic, I might be misremembering things.

For the authors and the curious

LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS

SEE THIS WEBSITE? 

ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA

THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE. 

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN” 

AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER 

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT 

HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?

HOLY SHIT

OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND

WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

Hot new take, I love it.

This is going to influence Bernard's call sign somehow, I just know it! And it fits the theme of flying beings that inspire fear!

Bumblebee and Queen Bee are taken and we don't want H.I.V.E. to be accidentally spoken back into existence. Marvel has Yellowjacket and Wasp...

Be(e)hold, the Drone!

I think I've been reading Bernard's name with the wrong pronunciation for years. I didn't watch many shows and I haven't played the games so I haven't actually heard the canon pronunciation of Bernard and now I'm having a light existential crisis.

Because the second way is how it's pronounced in my region and the first way makes me think of Bianca from The Rescuers.