If You Can Read Them Online You Can Buy Them Online.

hot take: 

Gloin is the sexiest dwarf by dwarf standards.

Kili is the sexiest dwarf by elf standards.

Thorin is the sexiest dwarf by human standards

& Bombur is the sexiest dwarf by hobbit standards

There are lots of fics about Batman being a bat shifter or being magically turned into a bat. I think there should be more of them. And that they should feature more confused bats swimming in the wet air.

Martha and Jon Kent are trans t4t and that's why they knew how to get new documentation for a space toddler.

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

YoungestMadara groans at the commanding voice and sits on his heels behind his older self, firmly grabbing his hips and pulling him onto his lap. "Here, like this...you kneel and keep your hands on the ground, that's right. He said no touching, so only your pretty mouth is going to be taking that cock. That's right, right there, fuck..." He has spent an age working the man open with his fingers, lining himself up and pressing into that heat was almost criminally easy.

"Fuuuck, you're so ready for me, so fucking good..."

One hand rubs soothingly over SugarMadara's shaking back, brushing his hair to the side so he can scratch trails down the bared skin. The other hand grabs at his hair again and jerks his head back until his mouth is forced to open.

"Stick out your tongue, Soldier; I believe you have a position to keep."

His older self whimpers.

SugarTobi finally gets around to removing the rest of his clothes and lets his younger self sprawl over him, cuddling his back and watching the others with undisguised awe. He is...not completely fine. Trying to fall back under, but he cannot quite return to his state of euphoria.

Hey, where are my DC x DP people at?

What if Jason came back wrong because the GIW had his little ghost self captured for 6 months?

Imagine it. The warehouse in Ethiopia happens to be on some powerful crossing leylines and a GIW agent is stationed to keep an eye on the area. She sees the Joker and his men. She sees Robin enter the building. Maybe the place is bugged and she even knows what's happening and she realizes... This is their chance. The GIW could get data on a ghost as it forms! This is unprecedented!

So, she waits and watches and records data.

And when the warehouse explodes, when the Batman has come and gone, when the response team has put out the fire... She searches. She finds Robin's ghost as it begins to form. She captures it, the scientific find of the century.

And six months of inhumane, dehumanizing experiments later, the ghost of Robin seems to shred itself as it's ripped violently through all the anti-ecto restraints and containments.

Maybe there's a perfect sphere left behind and Jason doesn't realize that he's missing his core. Maybe the recorded experiment logs are out there, waiting for the right hacker to release them. Maybe Team Phantom rescued the core and are searching for the being it belongs to.

Just some thoughts~

The absolute BEST Harry Potter fanfic I have ever read in my LIFE is "Harry Potter and the Lack of Lamb Sauce".

It has Chef Gordan Ramsey (Hufflepuff) coming to Hogwarts to be Potions Master in Harry's 6th year. It sounds like it should be a silly crack fic but I swear to you on my love of stories that this shit will have you hooked.

If you ever loved the Harry Potter series and felt betrayed by J. K. Rowling's words and actions, please read this fic. It reminded me so much of WHY I found such comfort in Harry Potter. It brought me back to staying up late on school nights and talking with my friends. It brought me back to being young and learning friendship lessons from fictional books. It brought back screaming in rage into a pillow, and tears at 2am, and the deep grief that comes from having loved a person, real or not, so much.

I revisit this fic about once a year. It's intense. It's wonderful. I just felt the need today to scream that adoration into the Tumblr void; maybe it can help somebody else.

I think Tim's Alvin Draper persona is underutilized by fanfic authors when it comes to comedic potential.

And by that I mean I desperately need to inspire a smattering of fics that have Alvin being the Gotham Underworld's Pet Bisexual Disaster.

Everyone knows Alvin. Somehow. He's a familiar figure, been doing freelance work for years. He's always on the fringes of the Big Leagues, but never seems to have the ambition or the brains to go further. Mostly he runs messages for ol' Matches Malone, yeah, but if you've got something unique to offload or are looking to hire for a job, Alvin has an Ex.

Good Gotham, Alvin always seems to be getting into the dumbest romantic trouble. He's like a discount Bruce Wayne, all himbo with connections. He'll show up to pass on a message or to make a drop and with just a nudge Alvin will talk about his Ex who left The Business and became an actress. Or the one who had the worst luck with being mind-controlled. Or the Ex who was dead-but-not-really and hiding from the government.

Goons will find him wandering down lair corridors where he's definitely not supposed to be and they'll gently escort him out while he tells them all about his New Girl/Boyfriend who texted him this address to meet him at! Except he got the numbers mixed up, do you think he still has a chance after accidentally standing them up? He really feels a connection this time, they met while defacing the same LexCo billboard.

Or he'll be in a base to deliver a message and get distracted because he'll recognize an old associate, or a friend of a friend, and he'll stop to chat. He'll even jump in to give someone a hand with a task when he's waiting for a reply! Such a weird kid. It's hard not to like the little shit though.

Sometimes I really love being an old fuck and remembering when Tim Drake was just a clever kid who was part of a loving middle class family living in a brownstone in Gotham City. The parents were gone often, but that's why he was in boarding schools. He only followed Batman around to take pictures when the guy was crashing out and Tim needed proof to bring to Dick.

The fanon zeitgeist has mushed him around a bit and now he's seen as an abused little stalker who lived alone in a mansion because his parents are so neglectful.

And you know what? You do you, boos. Your writing and art and everything mean something to you. You go ahead and use this little guy to work through whatever it is that you're struggling with in life. Make him hurt so the hugs feel better. Combine your special interests and make that au that only three people will understand.

People have said that this art looks like it's hinting that Bernard is going to get killed in upcoming storylines and I'm really hoping they're wrong.

He's in a suit. There are doves. It could be marriage!

The red rose over his heart definitely isn't evocative of a sniper's laser sight! The askew posture and dangerous position don't look like a body! He's not dressed for a funeral, he's dressed for kinky Court of Owls roleplay!

DC needs to give Tim Drake either an age-up + a new suit, or, give him the most badass, diabolical villain arc known to man.

Okay, okay, okay. More Bat-family brainrot to throw out into the void.

It's generally accepted that none of the Bats really enjoy going to galas or schmoozing with the upper class Gothamites. It's a fun enough joke or point of resentment or a good way to excuse the absence of other characters.

But consider the parties from a new angle: Galas are how the Bats patrol the ultra-rich areas. (I mean, that's where Epstein recruited his victims, right? And rich kids don't get their drugs from street corners)

Gotham vigilantes spend weeks swinging around on the main island, fighting street crime, foiling plots, etc. Gala Night is when they get to go hunting for the big fish, ya get me? They are so eager to dive into a Gala and find the tea.

It's a tech-heavy production, I'd wager. If your phone is on, it's being cloned. So many listening devices and/or cameras slipped into decorations or are being worn by the Bats. They're everywhere, popping in on conversations, encouraging people to talk about themselves, disguised as servers, disguised as other guests.