I Say He Should Call Himself The Coot, Just To Be Extra Fucking Petty About How Many Times He's Had To

Hey! Hey you!

Yes, you! The person who thinks too much about comic book characters and deep dives into esoteric subjects in order to create a free work of art?

How's your typing speed? How quickly could you learn a new way to type? Do you like knowing things, often terrible things, that other people don't? Can you bear the weight of both banality and daily tragedy? Does the idea of a stressful job make you bare your teeth in a feral grin, welcoming the challenge?

Do you get fed up with the American court systems? Does the frustration of injustice and the feeling of helplessness choke you out at night?

Now is a fantastic time to look into the field of a Stenographer, or a Court Reporter.

Every court case must be legally and accurately documented and frankly there aren't enough stenographers to go around. Especially since a great number of them will be moving into retirement age in the coming years.

It's a no-breaker that the government is on fire, but we can't just shut it down until a roiling mass of different peoples somehow agree on a better way to get shit done. There are people in the now who need to have their cases heard sooner rather than later and Court Reporters are essential to that happening.

***I'm not claiming that this is or has ever been my job, either! There's like one person on this site who has confirmation of at most which state I lived in years ago and that's because we're personal email-level friends. Please be careful about what info you share on the Internet.

***That being said, I've held some fairly atypical jobs over the years and so have many friends of mine. They can be honestly fun to talk about and it's always fun to make someone realize that yes, that thing would have to be a job, that's an actual job thing to do. And I like to talk up my friends' wild experiences as well!

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

Madara looks surprised and turns back to his alternate, but it's the youngest version that speaks. "Ah, really? And you still were eying our lovers, big Brother, even knowing that mine is yet untouched..."

The youngest Tobirama narrows his eyes, unsure whether he should oppose the Madara's claim of him as a lover. He glances at his alternates and sees a hint of mischief in their eyes. Purposefully, he looks down and away, stepping closer to the oldest version's side as if shy and trying to hide. He keeps his face as innocent as possible as he glances through the fringe of his white hair towards the eldest Madara.

Sugar!Tobi smothers his own amusement as he steps forward to playfully wrap his arm around the eldest's waist. "Mm~ that would mean that you were my younger self's age when your Madara began to pursue you..."

I once wrote that Sugarverse!Madara wasn’t promiscuous and now I’m looking at all these fun and/or pervy au collabs I’m doing and it’s like.

Naw.

He’s still not a ho. 

He is confident about sex and likes to have it often when he’s got someone to have it with because his ego grows ever more powerful with every orgasm he gives his partner(s).

Put him with people that are pretty but he doesn’t know them well? He might flirt if one seems into him/situation calls for it but otherwise he’d be chill.

Madara might actually be in charge of Konoha’s lipstick missions. He could probably teach people how to use genjutsu as a seduction tool and never need to touch the target at all.

Damn, I'm gonna hafta stop joking that Batman's a furry because after some thought, that's a disrespectful joke. Batman is clearly not a fursona and I should know better than to kink shame like that anyway.

POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL

Don’t mind me, just sharing a thing of glory.

Hello, yes, I'd like to slam the entire 22 Redwall novels by Brian Jacques down onto the counter and then add several picture books, recipe books, and supplemental mini-series.

I would like to look the Internet at large in the eye when I say the following.

These books are an excellent way to see cruel people from their own points of view just as you can see the kind and heroic people's perspectives. It might royally piss you off, even, to realize that you have motivations in common with a scoundrel. That you will have sympathy for the power-hungry murderer. That you might mourn for a monster even as you're so glad the monster is dead.

And you're going to love these characters. You're going to love the camaraderie and the jokes and the squabbling. The coming-of-age stories and the parents seeking to protect their children. You're going to cry so fucking hard at some point, guaranteed, and it's going to feel so cleansing.

Also! Brian Jacques wrote these books with massive feasts and was particularly descriptive about taste. This is because he often volunteered to read to blind kids and became frustrated with how so many books relied on visual descriptions, so he made it a point to focus on a different sense.

I think every single book worm had that series that got them through shitty teenage years. For me that series was Tigers Curse by Colleen Houck. The series quite literly was my source of hope and joy during my early teen years. Was my lifeline. It's definitely YA and a little cringe to read as an adult but it's like a found friend that holds nothing but fond memories💙🖤.

What was your hard time book series?

I remember seeing a post a while ago which message was basically that you should force yourself to like female characters even when they're written to be mid or even just poorly because it's part of unlearning sexism or something, like you need to "learn to like them", and man, I really don't like this stance at all, because what it basically says is that you should lower your standards when it comes to female characters. But there are absolutely amazingly written female characters that you don't need to "force" yourself to like because you just do naturally, because they're just written right, and it doesn't require "work" and "convincing yourself to care" or anything like that. It is absolutely possible to write them, and I'm justified in wanting more of them instead of "forcing myself to like" poorly written characters whose authors couldn't even force themselves to care about them on the first place. It feels backwards to me that many people expect otherwise and call it misogyny when viewer isn't willing to do the writer's work in places where writer didn't do theirs. I do appreciate it and think it's really cool when people take poorly written characters and remake/expand on them within a narrative to be actually interesting and multidimensional, it is really cool that people do that, but also you can't expect that every person who interacts with original media will do the same kind of mental gymnastics and additional work and accuse them of terrible misogyny when they're interpreting the characters the way they were presented to them in original material as is.

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

The Tobirama covered in seals isn't the only one to react to that voice. The youngest goes still and stares at gvMadara, eyes wide and unaccustomed to his body reacting to...it's just a voice. He's only talking, but for some reason, Tobirama wants to listen.

SugarTobi shivers and presses closer to the eldest, the hand around his waist moving into a lazy groping as he nuzzles the man's neck. He keeps his voice low, and his lips hidden as he murmurs, "Shit, yours does that too, huh? If you want to put on a show for them...I can do that, but you need to tell me now..." He glances up and is riveted at the sight of the elder SugarMadara slowly peeling his gloves off. He swallows thickly, eyes following the movements as best they can, "Because otherwise I'm going to take mine out of sight for a few hours..."

The youngest Madara might be looking from the responding Tobis to his oldest self and back with something like respect, "Ah...I see..."

SugarMadara smirks at the both of them and finishes casually pulling his leather gloves off.

"They all do respond so well to instruction, don't they? I have found that mine tends to enjoy a more hands-on approach to lessons..." His eyes catch his lover's gaze and holds it as he brings his naked hand teasingly to his mouth. SugarTobi might whimper into his alternate's shoulder.

"Bastard, he knows I like to suck on his fingers."

Red Hood has 100% heard Tim and Bernard being freaky and broken into their place thinking that an assault was in progress.

Shots were definitely fired.

No notes, just joy

Thinking back to this panel, I think Tim has an opportunity to be the biggest little shit if truth serum gets involved.

Villain: With that truth serum flowing through Batman's little sidekick's veins, he will have no choice but to reveal the bat's deepest secrets.

Tim (as Robin): So whatever I say now will have to be accepted as the truth, no matter what?

Villain: Yes, because you have no other options.

Tim:

Tim: Batman called me dad once.