Omg This Is Hilarious!!! Someone Please Write This!!! Tag Me!!!

Alright who’s gonna do it? I see a fanfic of Dilfs hitting on Lloyd only for Javier to get jealous!!!

what's funny is that lloyd can be extremely charming and very well liked but only to one demographic and that demographic is old men, he can get them to like him so easily in comparison with literally everyone else that it's just hilarious. grandpas like him. he's a father-in-law magnet. which leads me to believe that if he wanted to he could totally fuck a dilf-

Fright Knight trains Damian in sword fighting.

That’s it, that’s the post. Here is another contribution to the Danny phantom/ DC fandom.

Your welcome.

“Well then,” John huffed out a cloud of smoke “that could have gone worse.”

“Debrief in 10.” Batman stalked towards a nearby meeting room. This hadn’t gone at all as he thought it would. Bruce hated unknown variables and right now his ignorance could have cost them dearly. He needed to know as much about magic society as he could before Konstelacio came back with the cure. Something about all of this just didn’t sit right.

Sure the child had seemed happy and calm. All to willing to help for a low price. But she was defensive even before the perceived insults landed. Like his sons, like Tim, waiting for the rug to be pulled under them. Scared but joking, happy. Until a dark look passed over her face, happiness flying away the moment Dr.Fate was mentioned. That look reminded Bruce of just how dangerous this demon was and just how much he need to prepare for everything. He refused to lose anyone else, not now not ever.

—- —- —-

The demon unfolded her legs from underneath her, legs scraping against each other with a metallic rasp. She held the handkerchief up to the sun, spots of blood disappearing into the air. She exhaled overwhelmed, stomach sinking as she inhaled rage filled.

She didn’t have to answer every summons, doing so would be a waste of time. She had even been told to avoid the Justice League all together. But when she had sensed Batman of all people on the other side she had to. She had to know, her family her sweet precious family would be moving to Gotham soon. Her brothers had reassured her that everything would be fine but this this wasn’t fine at all.

She hated them she hated them with every fiber of her being why ! Why! Why! Did she have to bump into this again! This time will be different tho she promised, this time no one was going to get hurt. She refuses to lose anyone else, not now not ever again!

She crumpled her new handkerchief into her fist. She, she had work to do. Gotham was no longer as safe as she had assumed it to be.

Not when Batman was working with an Al Ghul.

#@busterkeel

Ghost Helpline part 9

Konstelacio walked to the Egyptian palace. Much like how Johnnys bike rode on nonexistent roads Konstelacio walked on invisible ground, she believed the Zone would not let her fall and so it didn’t.

—- —- —-

Tim drove past his old home what use to be Drake Manor. He somehow doubted his family had noticed he sold it. He doubted they had noticed the moving trucks and contractors. He told himself it would be because they were busy. It felt like a hallow excuse.

Once Bruce figured it out he would want answers. Tim had them planned, Masters dubious escapades in criminal activity had been on the decline. As well as Masters sudden disappearance a few years ago, required their attention just in case.

Inwardly Tim had had a single conversation with the man, spotted a gaggle of teens who looked happy and sold it to the man on the spot.

When Tim thought over the conversation later, he would call the emotion that came over him jealousy and decide to ignore it.

—- —- —-

“Your highness, it appears Princess Violet will be sealing an audience.”

“Send her in immediately! “ Tucker shouted excitingly, Violet was such a sweet girl, he adored her visits. She usual came with the pretense of picking up her more technically inclined brother but Chad wasn’t here as of late. Which only meant one of three things.

She was coming here to hide.

She was coming in for a check up. (Doubtful.)

Or she was coming here to ask for help.

“Prepare some light snacks, our comfiest seat and coloring pages.” Tucker hoped she was okay, he would never admit it but if he didn’t know any better he would have assumed Violet was Danny’s clone too. In personality at least. Where Dani had gotten Danny’s loud passion, Violet had gotten Danny’s self loathing. Where Dani had his fearless determination Violet had his self sacrificing down to an alarming degree. Dani had her fathers laugh, Violet had his best friends fear of abandonment.

Yeah, Tucker would never admit it but Danny and his ex-arch enemies kid had a lot in common. He sighed oh well. It was fine, if anything it made him and Sam love her all the more. Their niece, their little constellation.

—- —- —-

Billy breathed a sigh of relief. It was good to be back home.

“Captain Marvel, Dr Fate we need to talk. We have a situation.”

Billy sighed he thought to soon.

Zeus: lolz!

Hercules: L L L

Mercury: Run fuck this noise

Billy shushed them, he just wanted to go home. The faster they got threw this the better.

Batman explained.

Solomon: He’s on to us! Kill him!!!

Billy: No we are not killing Batman

Atlas: he’s a threat to our your family Billy, I hate to agree with the old man

Solomon: Hey!

Atlas: but perhaps it’s time to move on

“Captain Marvel are you paying attention. This is serious.”

“Of course of course. But uh what exactly do you want me to do here?”

“I need information.”

“I don’t -“

“Marvel you are a terrible liar, also.” The man dressed as bat shrugged in the direction of superman. Right Superman, a living lie detector.

Billy: well fuck

Mercury: RUN

Solomon: oh is that it? Well then Billy just don’t ‘lie’

Billy could hear the smirk in man’s voice. Well two could play at this game. But first to get Dr.Fate off the field.

“I’m leaving.”

Well never mind then Fate was doing it for him.

Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

“Dr Fate we need-“

“All is as it should be. Before I am a leaguer I am a Lord of Order. You would all do better to not interfere with which you do not understand.”

Yeah you tell them!

“Especially not with those as vile as demons.”

Billy took it back the bastard could suffer.

In that moment Fate left and two pairs of eyes landed on Billy himself. Goddamn it.

“So … what exactly do you want to know. I’ll do my best but I make no promises to answer everything.”

“THATS -“

“That is enough boys.” Wonder Woman walked in, “We are her to ask for help not interrogate our fellow leaguers. Now then Batman what evidence do you have to think both the girl and Captain Marvel know one another in the first place.”

“ Coordinates“

“What?”

“Coordinates from the demons location line up with the new coordinates you’ve sporadically been taking for the past year or so.”

“Batman that hardly proves-“

“Yes I know her.” Billy wasn’t getting around this, and maybe he could use it to paint Konstelacio in a better light. After all they had to understand, they were his heroes they had to understand that his sister wouldn’t hurt them. Not unless provoked.

—- —- —-

Clark could see Bruce sag in relief, the quest for answers over. But Clark didn’t think it be that easy, Captain Marvel may be immature but his loyalty was relentless. Something in the way he held himself could only leave Clark to believe that Konstelacio had earned that loyalty. Clark looked at Bruce again and sighed instead of voicing his opinion after all it’s not as if he was the detective, no he was just a journalist. Clark eye rolled internally.

“How?”

“She is… my sister in arms.”

Both him and Diana froze.

// … even by demon standards I assume you’re rather young …..//

Clarks hands clenched and unclenched, “What?” He must have heard wrong? Right, right even demons must care about their young.

“She is my sister in arms. She is a good person.”

“A good person, she’s a demon.”

Captain glowered actually glowered at Batman, Clark thought as he twitched to put himself between the two.

“And so is Superman and he’s an alien, so so what? Or is it different because he happens to look like you?”

Okay but imagine Vlad has changed to a degree.

Those aren’t clones of Danny.

Those are clones of Vlad.

Danny just ran off with Vlad’s clone baby!

After the Nasty Burger incident, Danny went to live with Vlad under the promise that he would change. And he did, for all of two months before Danny discovered a secret basement full of clones. All except one of them were unstable.

Thoroughly betrayed, Danny takes the one stable clone and puts the rest of them out of their misery. Then he heads to Gotham where the local billionaire has a habit of taking in black hair blued eyed orphans. Fight fire with fire right? Or in this case money with money.

Kon’s Interlude - Ghost Helpline

Warning: depictions of war, meat eating and throwing up

Konstelacio tries to leave the Watchtower as soon as she entered it. She tried. Two hours later she leaves and erases the summoning circle behind her. She hopes they never call her again as she teleports home.

She has enough energy to teleport it’s fine.

She lands on her ass and stares at the pink carpet. Ugh. Everything in her corner of the house was too fucking bright right now.

“Hello!!! I’m back!!!! … Guys? … Dad?”

Throb. throb. throb.

Bile burned its way up her throat.

Was this it ? Did they leave me? Did Uncle Dan tell them how she’d managed to fuck up without even trying?

“Bbblluubbb???”

Oh a blob ghost.

Right a blob ghost, “Hahaah I’m an idiot of course daddy wouldn’t leave me.” They wouldn’t leave me. At least not Dad and that was enough. It had to be enough.

“Bbbllubbb. Bbb. B. Blurrrb.”

“Haha right! Thanks for sending me the message! Tell dad I love him and can’t wait to see him! And Billy if Billy’s back by now make sure to give him a big soggy hug for me okay!”

“Bbblubb!!” The little slimy looking ball swished its head to hers in what was most likely meant to be a love tap but ended up little more that the creature splaying itself entirely onto her forehead. It left, Violet felt lonely.

Lonely and dumb. How could she forget her family was moving into their new house today?

It explained where everyone was, the empty fridge and missing items. Right, Dad needed this move. He needed, well Violet wasn’t sure what he needed exactly but Dandy said he did. And Violet trusted Dandy. She trusted him with this at least. It was enough.

She smelled something rotting in her nose.

It was enough.

It was enough.

It was enough.

She walked back to her room and looked around. Nobody had packed her things. Her throat burned. She’d fill a bag tomorrow and figure it out.

She laid down in her bed in her room of her dads house.

// “This is mine? Really mine? It’s too pretty. What if I break it?”

“It’s yours, it’s okay. If it breaks I’ll buy you a new one baby I am rich remember?”

“This room is mine too?”

“Yes of course.”

“What it I break it to? What if I break it on purpose.”

“I’m giving it to you, no strings attached. If breaking everything in your room makes you happy then do it. I won’t be mad, because it’s yours okay?”

“Are you mine too then, Dad? You’re mine?”

“Yes”

“What if I break you to?”

“I’ll heal.” //

Konstelacio’s breathing slowed, eyes drooping. It was more than she had ever had before. I was more than she deserved. She smiled cuddled up to her mountain of stuffed animals. It was enough.

—- —- —-

Konner, Conner, Kon-El, Superboy, clone, Kon, clone, Konny, clone, clone boy, it.

So yeah Konner got it. Kon (ha!) stelacio had a write to be upset at Constantine for calling her something she didn’t like. She had apparently asked him not to and he had. Apart of Conner hoped Constantine got cursed. That guy was an asshole.

He gets the snapping defeat of her name, the anger. Conner knew anger well. Something about her made his insides twist. Something in her voice screaming, help me help me something is wrong. He shakes his head and decides to tell Black Canary about it at therapy.

It took a lot of time, and a lot of therapy for Conner to feel okay with himself. With his looks, his voice. Being a clone left him with a lot of self doubt about everything. Where did Superman end and Conner start?

Superboy thought back on the bargaining the league had done over the cure for Vampires Fog and couldn’t help but laugh. Well it was nice to know he at least had a soul in which to barter with now.

Conner gave himself a once over in the mirror before floating out the door. Time for a date with Tim.

—- —- —-

// War was surprisingly boring. When not fighting for their lives all war mounted up to was waiting. Waiting for the next battle, waiting for a chance to wash your bloody clothes, waiting for new orders, waiting for food, waiting for resources, waiting, waiting, waiting. War was boring.

General Dan was angry today. They didn’t have food … again. Violet wasn’t allowed to go hunting and Klarion had decided to stay with her. The mix species battalion had decimated the surrounding area for food a week ago.

Klarion was use to emotional hunger, the physical ache in his stomach rendering the talkative sprite speechless.

Billy was use to physical hunger just fine, telling them stories of Faucet cities kind people with a smile but something about the lack of food had begun to make him twitchy.

Violet was use to both kinds of hunger, so it didn’t matter.

“Billy’s back!!! Violet get up! Look he brought food!”

“There you guys are! Here eat up!”

The trio sat down near their tent. It’s natural for demons to eat meet uncooked, Violet had told Billy multiple times. She didn’t want to be a bother. Half the meat was burnt, no bones and definitely no blood.

Violet ate three bowls anyway. The meat was vividly red enough to play off as blood. It was chewy and sweet and charred in a way the stuck to the back of her throat. It smelled weird and familiar. Then again all burning flesh smelled familiar.Pieces of it kept getting stuck in the back of her throat. Meat wasn’t usually sweet like this. It was juicy, the demons mouth watered as she wondered.

How did they get this? She almost couldn’t believe they had found more game in the woods. It was sweet, Violet knew a type of sweet meat. Sweet blood. Were…. Were they eating a vampire?

Klarion finish off one before looking out into the forest and grimacing.

“Billy Billy you need to eat to!!! You’re a human you need to eat.”

“Of course Vi I am don’t worry. It’s delicious! Some of my best cooking yet. Mmm yum it’s great.”

Right they couldn’t be eating a vampire, humans can’t do that. Whatever Klarion was probably couldn’t eat vampires ether.

Klarion followed Billy’s lead “Yumming and oooing” until the little demonling finished off two more bowls.

Billy stood up to wash the bowls. The air shifted allowing the girl to get a good wiff of the blood on humans pants.

“Horse blood? Are the horses okay? What happened?”

The trio had grown close to their steeds, gifts of their political party, riding them gave the kids an illusion of freedom. Combing, feeding and playing with them had helped the days go faster.

Violet got up and began to look - really look around the campsite. “Billy? Billy? Where’s Fireball? You took him with you hunting right were is he?”

A look crossed both of the boys faces, Klarion downed his tea like it was alcohol. Maybe it was.

“General Dan is bringing the horses back in few hours Vi Vi don’t worry about it.”

True to his word, General brought the horses back and Violet understood were all of the bones must have went.

Everything tasted like ash until the war was over.//

Violet woke up puking.

She wanted her dad, her dad was in Gotham.

She teleported.

Okay but that just happening over and over to all of the batfamily like why are we all seeing the same black hair blue eyed child??!?!

Damian didn't mean to. But looking at the horror on Batman's face, he also knows it doesn't matter.

Someone had managed to sneak up on him, immediately after a fight.

Damian, exhausted and wounded and ever so slightly drugged by fear toxin, reacted.

He'd spun around and run his katana through the attacker-but it wasn't an attacker. It was a civilian, who was staring down at the sword in his chest with a stunned expression.

The civilian looked up, blue eyes meeting Damian's through the mask.

"I was just..." The man trails off, dropping the first-aid kid he'd been carrying.

Damian knows his time as Robin is over.

Danny, on the other hand, can already feel his healing factor trying to kick in, and just needs to figure out how to convince Robin to remove the Katana so it can work without letting Batman know he's a meta.

Feel Better Penelope Scott

I don't wanna feel better

No one's ever gonna love me like that again

I don't wanna get over you

I wanna sit with you in bed

I don't wanna feel better

I'd give anything to miss you again

I don't wanna get over it

I wanna get under it instead

A book sits on top of clean and messy blankets

On a bed that fuckin' creaks at night when I get in it late

And late at night, I'm chugging Gatorade

And someone's breaking up when I crack up

Because I know I'll never know just what to say

I'm a communist, a terrorist, an MPDG thot

Or I'm a sad girl in a dorm room, living out the shady Christian plot of

Twilight or The Bible or The Lover by Duras

Or I'm just really fuckin' selfish and really fuckin' lost

But someone loved me, someone fucking loved me

Someone fucking loved me and I fuckin' loved them too

Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something

I had my cake (I ate it, it ate me too and, God, no)

I don't wanna feel better

We kept our liquor in a suitcase underneath my bed

And we drank it to go out or just stay in or to feel sad

But in a hot way, a way I'll fuckin' never have again

The sun has began to set

I'm a socialist, Marxist, libertarian slut

I am an awkward teenage virgin and I sort of kinda laugh a lot in bed

But other times, I cry or don't make noise at all

I'd give my life to have a room that feels that small

'Cause someone loved me, someone fucking loved me

Someone fucking loved me, I loved them too

Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' earned something

I have a right to die, a right to live, a right to choose, too

And God, no!

Of course I don't wanna feel better!

Can you fucking imagine?!

No one's ever gonna love me like that again

I don't wanna get over it

I wanna rip the stars to shreds

I don't wanna feel better

Of course it hurt, of course it fuckin' hurt

It hurt like nothing in the world sometimes

That I was super scared, and we were all a train-wreck

And also somehow making it

I think I might've died there twice, and I would do it all again

I'm a nihilist, a soldier, an OCD-machine

Or I'm a healthy baby-girl who traded sunshine for disease

But when my head hit my cheap pillow, I could tell I had a heart

And I wanna tear this fascist Milky Way apart

'Cause someone loved me, someone fuckin' loved me

All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew

Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something

And it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food

I guess I loved you, I guess I really loved you

All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew

And now you're over there, and I'm way over here

What am I gonna do?

I don't wanna feel better

No one's ever gonna love me like that again

I don't wanna get over you

I wanna sit with you in bed

I don't wanna feel better

(I don't wanna feel better)

Thinking up some names for Vlads clone kids

Both real names and fake out names, Billy totally wouldn’t just tell them his name, oh and titles!!!

Gonna draw a “family tree” soon lolz

There are going to be 7 surviving clones.

I’m thinking of making three triplets and naming them rhyming names a la “Huey, Duey and Luey”. (Ducktales)

Having trouble deciding on names cuz I feel like with 7 different people named them and then there is something only Vlad calls them, much like “little badger”.

Also should I make profile posts about Vlads kids ?

Elves don’t have to sleep as much as humans do. So imagine they have no idea what sleep deprivation is?

Bard (stumbling around, repeating his words and vaguely hallucinating): where’s the coffee

Thranduil: are you okay

Sigrid: oh dads fine he just hasn’t been able to sleep in a week

Thranduil (conserned and horrified): what?!?!