Girlish-in-pain - Maja

I came out as nonbinary to my best friend last week and it went great. Which I was expecting but that didn't stop me from crying, shaking and needing her to talk me down from an almost panic attack. I had never said anything out loud to anyone, so I was expecting some sort of a reaction.

When I told her, she smiled in the most reassuring way and I asked if she already knew. She said she didn't want to assume anything or pressure me to talk about it before I was ready, so she had been waiting for me to say something. But she had come across some pronoun pins a couple of weeks earlier and she wanted to buy some that said "they/them" for me but she didn't want to pressure me so she didn't buy them. I honestly love that she knew. And that she instinctively knew which pronouns I prefer. Anyway, it's been really nice to be able to talk about it. I've had weird gender feelings for about 10ish years now and only started thinking I might be nonbinary a couple years ago. Before I just did everything to not think about it. But yeah, I'm nonbinary;)

🥄Spoon Stop! 🥄

Take a spoon or two to complete any tasks you need to finish soon. Reblog to give your mutuals a spoon

🌈 some soft things to stay alive for:

seeing a heart-shaped cloud

music you could fall asleep to

warm blankets straight from the dryer

gifts with a lot of thought in them

surprise breakfasts in bed

hot cups of cocoa when it’s cold

rainbows during a sun shower

cute artwork that you connect with

little hopes that come true

feeling safe with someone you love

taking care of a used plushie

yummy edible cookie dough

TW sleep deprivation, derealisation, depersonalisation, hallucinations, suicidal thoughts

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Can we talk about the effects of spending all of your formative years dealing with chronic pain? About what comes with it besides "just" the pain?

I used to routinely go days without sleeping. And I don't mean the way some people say they "didn't sleep at all last night" when actually they did sleep 2 hours. I mean no sleep at all for 3-4 ish days, I'm not sure bc my memories from that time are fuzzy (wonder why). The pain kept me up night after night. And it wasn't until the overwhelming urge to sleep finally won over the pain that I would be able to sleep.

Do you know what happens when you go without sleep for too long?

At first, you're just more tired than usual, it gets harder to concentrate, you get snappy easier. Then it'll feel like everything is too loud or slightly shushed like you're in a bubble, it's hard to focus your eyes properly, the ground and the walls get squiggly. Obviously, the pain you already have gets exponentially worse but also different, heavier.

If you are awake still, you'll start to have micro sleeps. That's when your brain shuts down briefly for a micro second while you're awake bc it fucking needs to sleep. Time feels weird, stretching and shrinking in on itself. It won't feel real. You won't feel real. You'll forget basic shit like your own name.

It varies from person to person how long you have to go without sleep before the visual and auditory hallucinations start. But if you're awake for long enough, they will start. Whispers of your name when you're alone, songs playing when there's no music on, shadow people in your peripheral vision.

Maybe you'll think about killing yourself just to make it stop. Maybe you don't even think killing yourself would mean death, but instead you belive you'll wake up and everything will be back to normal. Your ability to reason, to think logically will twist.

Eventually, the urge to sleep will be greater than the pain and finally you will get to rest.

I understand all too well why sleep deprivation is used as torture.

In what universe does experiencing this countless of times when you're a literal teenager not affect you when you're an adult. Even when it doesn't happen anymore bc of semi proper pain management and meds to sleep. It haunts me. Still.

You’re allowed to struggle and complain even if you aren’t the “worst” you could be.

You don’t need to be positive and grateful all the time. It’s okay to have feelings about your disabilities. It’s okay to vent about them.

Just because it could be worse doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it to be better.

Apparently I'm winning in life

must-have accessories

bandaids

visible nipples thru shirt

leg bruises

armpit hair

undereye dark circles

I feel like this a lot lately, especially bc uni started again and I'm using a wheelchair now. The other day in anatomy class I was constantly apologising and being just my general awkward self. A friend of mine and fellow med student messaged me later to ask if I felt like I was in the way with my wheelchair and to remind me that I belong there just as much as anyone else🥺 so thankful for the few friends I have found in medschool who are genuinely kind and accepting when it comes to my disabilities.

I'm in medschool and I'm the only visibly disabled student in my semester. I'm not very social outside of classes so I can't be certain, but I'm fairly sure I'm the only visibly physically disabled med student in multiple years. I've heard about one other who is atleast 4 years ahead of me. So, in doing the math I can conclude that I'm 1 out of 2 visibly physically disabled med students out of roughly 3500 med students at my university.....

if you feel like you’re ‘getting in the way’ as a mobility aid user, particularly with larger aids like wheelchairs, rollators/walkers, gait trainers and service dogs, That Is A Fault Of The Space (and potentially the people), not of you. You deserve all the space you take up and more.

me, every second of my life: but is it meaningful? but is it meaningful? but is it meaningful?

Yet another reminder that faking is a conscious choice that you make.

It is not something you can do accidentally, regards of what you're talking about.

You can't accidentally fake depression, or anxiety, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or any other mental illness.

You can't accidentally fake Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, personality disorders.

You can't accidentally fake ADHD, autism, Tourette's Syndrome, auditory processing disorder, aphasia or any other neurodivergence

You can't accidentally fake being trans or ace-spec or aro-spec or any other LGBTQIA+ identity.

You can't accidentally fake chronic illnesses like CFS, fibromyalgia or any chronic illness.

You also can't accidentally fake being good/intelligent at something. You didn't fool your peers into reaching your position.

You can't accidentally fake trauma, PTSD/cPTSD, DID/OSDD/DDNOS or any other trauma-based disorder.

Tldr:

Faking is a conscious choice.

You cannot do it by accident.

If you are worried that you are faking, that in itself is proof that you are not.

Greece by Dimitris Tamvakos