After Watching New Special For The Second Time And Seeing Kyle Getting Unreasonably Mad At Cartman All

i, personally, am not really into stan getting into kyman’s way and trying to stop them from dating, but it seems to be one of the most popular trope for stan in kyman fics. and although i can see the appeal, i prefer another option.

please think about stan who’s actually helping kyman to get together.

so cartman has a big and (as he thinks) unrequited crush on kyle, and he decides that the fastest and most effective way to win kyle’s heart is to get stan’s support since stan and kyle are the best friends. and if you have stan by your side, you can say that half of work here is done.

and as a professional manipulator cartman convinces stan into helping him – he plays the “i’m on my meds & went through therapy” card, he says that stan is the one who gotta understand how broken heart and unmutual feeling hurt, that it’s almost their prom and cartman doesn’t have enough time to hit on kyle properly – and who knows, maybe they won’t even be in touch after kyle enters the university, so cartman has only one chance. he swears on his life he’s never gonna hurt kyle, and he flatters stan by saying he always hated him the least out of all the boys.

and stan as a hopeless romantic and sucker for stories with unmutual crushes finally gives in agreeing to help cartman. bonus if wendy is totally into this idea because a) it’d be amusing to watch them having their drama; b) she supports gay rights and wrongs; c) she think that kyle would be like a good influence for cartman and could “fix him” (my girl has never been so wrong in her entire life)

so they all start a whole new project for making kyle consider cartman as a proper romantic partner.

cartman: Okay. You have to invite him to the cinema BUT you will dump him at the very last minute so he’ll have to go there with me. What movie should we choose?

stan: Uhhh… There’s a new DC movie?

cartman: DUDE! Even I know he’s more of a Marvel fan.

stan: Well, I’m- I’m not supposed to memorize his preferences by heart, you know!

cartman: You’re his best friend?????

btw stanman and candy bonding over there :333

so wendy and stan help him to plan the whole dates, but the minor problem is that they have veeery different understanding of the romance.

wendy: The best way to win his heart and make some obvious hints is to take him out for a romantic dinner in the restaurant!

stan: No way, Kyle’ll hate that! Take him for a basketball game, he loves basketball.

cartman: …Can’t I just invite him to watch “The passion”?

wendy&stan, indignantly: CARTMAN!

cartman: What? It’s symbolic!

so they end up convincing him that kyle is never gonna like cartman if he doesn’t hide his true self, so he has to pretend a lot. he hates this idea, but eventually agrees and starts faking his behaviour being all nice, polite and kind-hearted, but every time their dates become a mess. and kyle seems to react veeery negatively, because even though he thought he wanted cartman to change, and he’s supposed to be happy that cartman is finally acting like a decent normal person – deep down he can’t get rid of this vague feeling that something is wrong, that he’s faking. and it irritates him so much he gets more and more angry and yells at cartman almost every time, even though there are no visible reasons for that.

and one day cartman just freaks out because he’s tired of faking, and if kyle doesn’t like the real cartman, than fuck him. and he finally asks him out the way he truly wanted – with mean jokes, rude behaviour, they just go to kfc and then sit at home watching dumb horror movies in cartman’s bedroom. and that was the first time they kissed – the first time in a long time when kyle saw cartman’s real self. and oh boy did he missed it.

“oh, i have so many otps in south park i’m a total multishipper and am open to every possible dynamic!”

*continues talking about kyman and nothing but kyman*

also can we take a moment to appreciate stan marsh canonically being a fan of spiderverse

I was iffy on posting this bc I have a LOT of ideas preceding and following this particular scenario and wanted to have it all finished before i shared stuff, but, eh. If I draw anymore, i’ll compile it somehow. I probs won’t clean up the comics more than this though due to being busy, so u guys only get loose scribbles.

Also shoutout to @numbknee’s fics for hella inspiring me enough to want to loosely play with some of their ideas/characterizations (hoping they don’t mind), if u haven’t read their fics, you should: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbknee/pseuds/numbknee/works?fandom_id=35537

some gay dudes dunno i just love them

every once in a while someone asks me what my main fandom is and i want to answer but then i just freeze realising that. fuck. no way south park is my main fandom. how cringe is that. how did i even end up here.

what is black and white and red all over? a blushing penguin :)

ERIC CARTMAN (SP One-shot) (small drabble?)

Slight Eric Cartman/ Kyle Broflovski

'Drugged by mommy'

Summary/ warning⚠️ : this is a against fic; addictions/ may suggest sexual harassment/ sensitive topics. Your girl Liane ain't it in this fic (she's kinda awful)

Author's note: I'm finally slowly getting out of my writers block u guys! I'm excited to get back with writing, having a lot of stuff planned 🙌🏼!

~~~~~~~

Eric curled up in bed covering his ears with his blankets, loud moaning being heard by the next room. It wasn't something uncommon atleast not something he's supposed to be in shock from, genuinely he didn't seem to care. He was numb by these noises, they had become his own sick twisted lullaby, a quick method to go to sleep, a signal to do so.

He wanted to fall unconscious by the comforts and protection of his blankets bringing him warmth and a shielding effect to it, being left with the sheltering feeling of his bed. Forgetting it all, but his mother's screams full of last and pleasure have never been as louder then that dreadful night, he feared his mother was being raped outta instinct but by this point he's figured out she seemed to enjoy it. After a couple of internet searches and how Kyle explained to him about 'sex' after that one time he made himself look like a fool infront of the new kid and his coon pals. He genuinely thought Kyle was fucking with him, but once he navigated the internet he soon realized the truth.. his mother's a.. he found pages of people dedicating and even having a carrier over such thing! He couldn't believe it, it was eye opening.

They called it 'porn' that same crap Kenny was so obsessed with, and for his own awful luck he had found his mother appearing in a couple of thumbnails. No child should ever witness their parents expose themselves like that, sell themselves..

But that wasn't what bothered him the most, it was the strange men she'd bring. Complete intoxicated strangers. He sniffed, small tears popping in the corner of his eyes.

Hearing heavy footsteps walk through the hall a whole different contrast to his mother's, and the doorknob of his room began to budge turning fanatically a couple of times as if the stranger attempted to trespass his only safe place. Which was probably the case, it wasn't the first time that has happened neither would it be the last. Though, now he's learned the importance of locking his door room.

He gulped hearing a light knock, "sweetie, it's me."

He closed his eyes for it to appear he was fast a sleep, but his mother knew him too well.

"I know what're your trying to do, Eric. That won't work on me, now opened this door and don't be naughty."

He groaned, sitting on the edge of his bed, reluctantly walking towards his door and opening the door slightly, peeking through the small gap.

His mother gave him a small smile, which he took as innocent and apologetic. She hold on to a cup of tea.

"Brought you some tea for you to relax, I know you're probably having difficulty to sleep for the big event tomorrow, poopsikins."

He won't deny that was something he was actually looking forward to, he accepted the cup and took a sip before walking back to bed.

His mother stood there in the the door frame, the door wide open as he cautiously continued to drink the tea eyeing her up and down skeptical. She seemed saddened but her smile never faded, however her eyes we're sure telling.

He drank the last sip, and suddenly his body felt relaxed and his head all giddy. He layyed back flat against his mattress he saw his mother approach him pampering in whispers while she caressed his hair and kissed him in his forehead affectionately.

He doesn't remember all too well what happened next, however he was awaken by sirens, and a police officer asking if he was feeling okay. His mother was cuffed but she looked away from him as she was dragged that night in a police car. The officer who stood by his side gesture him to follow, taking him outside as he was greeted by a crowd of noisy people watching everything unfold.

Some looked at him with pity, others in shock, then there's was concerned. He managed to see his friends in the crowd all looking concerned seemingly just waken up by the commotion, he still felt himself dizzy, but there was something in the pit of his stomach that was telling him his mother had got themselves in trouble for real this time.

The police cars lights almost blind him as he was shoved inside, he watched the crowd of people get smaller and smaller as it drove off.

"Do you recognize this man?" The chief asked him while gesture a man with a black coat and curly black hair, pale skin just as a perfect description for a vampire.

He denied with his head, still seemingly confused by the whole thing, he felt tired like if he hadn't gotten an ounce of sleep, "no."

"He was an undercover cop, boy. Your mother has been in the wrong ropes for quite a time, we just needed some actual proof that she was in the business."

"What business?"

The chief place a hand on his shoulder which gesture made him arched a brow for, "son, I'm afraid your mother is a no good whore."

He slapped the officers hand off him in disbelief and annoyance, not caring for any negative responses from that.

"Okay." Was the only thing he managed to mustered, that still doesn't make any sense on to why she'd be cuffed when she's alway been participating in those type of jobs since he remembers and still, she's never gotten in trouble for it.

Actually he was pretty sure his mother and the chief had gotten it going at some point, which makes this even more irritable.

The chief rub his hand bitterly but didn't comment anything about it, "Howie here, pretend to be a client for the night. We take are job serious, we needed to prove certain rumors being true."

"What rumors?"

"Eric, has your mother ever made you dance for men while being intoxicated and doing inappropriate things with the men she brought home while you were watching?".

His eyes widen, in fact, she had.. but would it be right to admit that? It was embarrassing and humiliating.. but by his expression it was enough for the chief to realize that was in fact right.

He said nothing looking at the ground as it were the most interesting thing in the world, he genuinely didn't want to be there. He wanted to be back home and wait for his mom to reappear and make him his favorite pastries. Like none of this have ever happened.

Ofcourse that wasn't gonna be anytime soon.

For his dismay he was taken in by the Marshes, Sharon has taken pity over the situation and somewhat felt she had to do something about it. He wasn't allowed to see his mother until her trial which will be in a month.

Being driven to Stan's has never felt longer, as the social workers dropped him off and he was greeted by a saddened Sharon who hug him lightly before letting go. Stan peeking from her side with an awkward expression, both looking at each other not knowing what to exchange, tension forming but was quickly broken as Randy showed up from the kitchen walking by the living room. A shirt in hand as he shoved it on him abruptly.

"Randy!" Mrs. Marsh smacked him on his back in shock, "What do you think your doing!?"

Stan looked at his father just as offended but said nothing.

"If there's gonna be more people in this house it means more free publicity for our weed business," he then mustered quietly but not quiet enough, "Besides, a case like his is gonna bring quite an attention on us."

"Dad!" Stan shouted angrily, incredulous.

Eric was unfazed by the whole ordeal, just bothering to fix the hemp shirt adjusting well on to his body.

"See? He gets it," Randy shrugged the obvious glaring, nudging Stan lastly as he went back to the fields.

Mrs Marsh gave him one more small apologetic smile before walking to the kitchen telling Stan to take Eric to the guest room.

Stan kicked the floor lightly, "so.."

"I don't want to talk about it Stan. I don't care." He blankly admitted causing Stan to look at him bewildered. Eric shrugged dismissing his reaction, "let's just do something skewl I'm bored outta my mind."

Not long after his arrival to the Marshes he figured out why Stan complained so much about his home (a couple of hours to be in fact); everthing smelled like weed, even the bathroom.

Though, he won't deny having dinner among a somewhat family was nice, in a sense.

He got along with Shelley so it wasn't hard to make conversation with her, they actually shared a lot of the same taste in music/fashion/ idols. So topics to bring up we're easy between them.

There was a door knocking heard from downstairs but he didn't pay much mind to it just pacing around Shelley's room complaining of the ongoing hype people were doing over the weekend's new partner, as if he didn't have more girlfriends than someone could possibly count on.

Footsteps were heard rushing upstairs, and a following interruption brought by Stan and two other guys; Kyle and Kenny.

They glance at him with the same awkward expression Stan had gave him with his arrival. He hated it so much.

"Always ruining the fun, turds." Shelley commented while putting some headphones on now scrolling through her phone.

"C'mon Cartman," Stan commented while dragging him outside by the sleeve, towards his room.

Kenny closed the door as all three pair of eyes layyed on him.

"Goddammit! Quit it you guys." He spat glaringly, "it's fine, I've never been better," rolling his eyes lastly trying to push the subject elsewhere, "let's play video games."

The three boys shared a look before reluctantly just doing that.

••••

Eric grunted once again, as he was not able to focus on the game with Kyle anxious leg bumping again his. It was starting to annoy him and also, Kyle has been losing to many rounds for his liking.

"Can you quit that?" He sneered at the redhead earning a glare that immediately faded to a pitiful stare.

"Sorry," he replied back, which made Cartman throw his controller to the ground outta frustration causing his three friends to flinch in surprise.

"DON'T FUCKING APOLOGIZE!? WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING!?" He screamed outta the top of his lungs, now dashing outside in a fit of rage. Not knowing his redhead friend ran behind him.

"Cartman," He called out calmly, closing the front door of the house and standing still on the porch as he watch Eric who had sat down on the first step in a slouch manner, "you can talk to us."

The boy rolled his eyes to that, "I'm fine. Why can't anyone get that?"

"How are you gonna be fine after that?"

Eric stood up grabbing some tool that was carelessly left there, "it's not like she raped me, Kahal," he sneered once more tired of having to explain himself, noneless to his archrival. He threw harshly the tool twoards some crops visualizing from afar Randy and Towelie sneaking inside credigree farms.

"We should go check that out," he stated trying to move pass it, but Kyle ofcourse wouldn't let him do so.

Kyle gripped on the back of his shirt, practically yanking him towards him.

"Stop trying to run away. It's not gonna work on me and you know it."

"And what do you expect, Kyle? Do you expect me to drop all my sob story to you like if we we're all buddy buddies!?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" The redhead glared at that.

Eric scoffed, "let's be for real here, Kyle. We're not friends, we've never had, I hate you, you hate me. So stop acting like you give a fuck."

Eric felt Kyle loosen his grip letting him go. He took this as a sign that it was his chance to run off as Kyle seemed to be left with out anything else to say.

Before even managing to go down the porch stairs Kyle pushed him off making him fall flat on to his stomach.

"WHAT THE F KAHAL!? WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR," He whined out trying to stand back up but a pissed off redhead boy prevented him from doing so; lounging himself on to him being left on top of him while gripping on to his collar, fanatically shaking him.

"You really think you could make me believe we're not even remotely friends by this point, fatboy?"

Eric nervously looked away as Kyle's nose brushed against his. Talk about personal space huh.

Kyle with his free hand gripped on to his chin forcing him to look directly at him, "look at me when I'm speaking to you, Eric."

He gulped and he swore Kyle could feel that, "what else do you expect me to believe?"

"After all the shit we've been through, makes us something right? I've gone through hell because of you and I'm not gonna let you pinned down my efforts as nothing more than just rivalry," Kyle spoke, still not letting go of his collar, "Eric, I'm really, REALLY sorry about your mom.."

Eric's expression softened.

"It's really fucked up she made you do those things. And I just- you can't just shrug that shit off and act like it didn't happen?"

"What did you think I was doing all these years, asshole?" He spat almost bitter, the fact that he unintentionally opened himself to Kyle, a slip of tongue about something so vulnerable and very personal of his.

He cursed himself internally as he saw Kyle soften in bewilderment.

He pushed Kyle away and this time he managed to escape the interrogating noisy ginger.

hiii just got really inspired from @hatsunevitu posts about kyman crossovers sooo i just had to do some arts n sketches w/ 'em :D

close up!!!

& infinity train concepts!!! yeah :D