No New Post This Week Either - Taking A Bit Of An Extended Vacation!

I am apparently working on becoming a local cryptid at the store. Talents include:

Monitoring the changing of the seasons via mozzarella

Predicting the weather by picking up a piece of cheese and mysteriously saying “oh, the storm is gonna be bigger than we thought...” just before thunder

Mind reading, e.g. “Can you help me find a cheese? It’s called, uh... [starts fishing out shopping list]” “Gruyere?” “...yes O_o”

btw don't go to 5e.tools for free access to basically every official DND 5e resource including books, spells, races, stat generators and homebrew guides, because that's illegal and such a widespread and creative game should not be open access for everyone because that would be bad. just letting you know not to go to that website and do that

We need to embrace the fact that the tumblr userbase is aging. What’s everybody’s favorite kitchen appliance?

This collab was not on my 2023 bingo card

(source)

Meal’s End

“[...] this refreshing dish is quick to concoct and easy to serve by the bowlful, requiring no baking. While there are subtle variations of “meal’s end” based on region and culture, the version with chopped persimmon or plum in lieu of field berries is quite seasonal and thus recommended.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 79

Honestly, I'm going to start calling the whipped heavy cream, greek yogurt, vanilla extract combo that creates the base of Meal’s End “better whipped cream”. The rich sweetness of the cream and vanilla is both enhanced and offset by the addition of the greek yogurt in a way I still struggle to describe.

To make it even better, because the meringues melt quickly in your mouth, they add fantastic texture while not disturbing the overall smoothness of the dessert!

Rich without being heavy, Meal’s End from Heroes’ Feast is the perfect light dessert to have after any meal!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 10 mins                Cook: 10 mins                 Total: 20 mins

Ingredients - serves 4 parfait glasses:

3 cups (430 g) fresh strawberries, rinsed and hulled (or a mix of berries)

Sugar as needed

1 ⅓ cups (315 ml) heavy cream

⅓ cup (80 ml) plain Greek yogurt (preferably whole milk) or crème fraîche*

¼ tsp. (1 ml) pure vanilla extract

2 ounces package (50 g/half the package shown) or homemade cocoa or vanilla meringues, coarsely crumbled (about 1 ⅓ cups)

* I used 2% plain Greek yogurt.

Coarsely chop 2 cups of the strawberries. In a bowl, mix the chopped strawberries with sugar to taste. (top-left bowl)

Slice or quarter the remaining 1 cup berries. In a small bowl, mix these strawberries with sugar to taste. (top-right bowl)

Using an electric or handheld whisk, beat the heavy whipping cream until it is softly whipped, adding 1 tbsp. of sugar once the cream has thickened.

This will take 1 to 1 ½ minutes with a stand mixer at high speed.

TIP: To make the cream whisk faster, put the bowl you are using in the fridge or freezer for 10 minutes until chilled. Also, keep the cream cold in the fridge until you’re ready to whip it.

Fold in the yogurt and vanilla just until blended.

Fold in the chopped berries and crumbled meringues.

Divide the mixture among four serving dishes, top with the sliced berries, and serve all at once.

NOTE: Time is not kind to the texture of the meringues. Serve Meal’s End immediately after making it. However, leftovers can be kept covered in the fridge and eaten later.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 5/5. Like I said in the intro, the meringues and berries compliment the smoothness and incredible flavour of the whipped cream mixture perfectly!

I would highly recommend eating this after a fish dinner, but it’s also a great dessert after heavier foods like steak.

Although eating it immediately after making will preserve the texture of the meringues, save any leftovers you’ve got from this! The flavour of the meringues will combine with the whipped cream and make a delicious dessert later too!

the absolute best quotes from bdylanhollis's vintage baking tiktoks

• "thought this was a joke. turns out im the joke."

• "you can use a mixer, i just do this to feel something"

• "fold in sauerkraut carefully. or what? im going to ruin your disaster?"

• "can a cake be tried for treason?"

• "either chocolate fixes everything or this is alchemy"

• *disgusted chewing noises* "DEMON BABY!!!"

• "before pumpkin pie became king people ate this....now they're dead."

• "combine all ingredients except for pie shell. were you rEALLY WORRIED I WAS GOING TO PUT A F U L L Y C O N S T R U C T E D PIE SHELL INTO THIS?"

• "im a fool, not an idiot."

• "its like reading directions to purgatory"

• "now we have carbonated mayonnaise lime water"

• "MARSHMALLOWS!! with the m a y o??"

• "chop up your dehydrated cow"

• "it tastes like it's insulting me"

• "and its not just a little bit. no. its a severe unauthorized CUP of mayonnaise."

• "honey you cant dilute a war crime"

• "you know its horrible now but i hope it turns out okay. like children."

• *beans boiling over in a pot* "ahhhhHH BEAN REBELLION!!"

• "eggie!! how many? i don't know. it just says EGGS."

• "did you just kill my blender?" *broken blender noises* "hello?" *insane maniacal laughter* "this is personal now. you swung first!!"

• "why are you good? yOU HAVE A BAG OF BEANS IN YOU!!"

• "one of the many questionable substances people experimented with in the 70s...pistachio pudding."

• "smells like a palm springs retirement home"

• "nixon wished it was this easy."

• "this was the cold war after all. fear of communist bananas was at an all time high."

• "the 70s. sponsored by the color beige."

• "its uncomfortably appetizing"

• "meat and desserts was quite common back then. so was botulism."

• "'honey would you like earl gray or pork?' 'ill take a divorce'"

• "sweet, bitter and meaty. like my ex."

• "don't say it dylan" *2 seconds later* "CIMMANIMM!!"

• "350 for two and a half hours! i suppose any less and it might gain consciousness."

• "its a little late in the century for war crimes."

• "are you just making things up? who are you??"

• *opening a can of spam* "you know ive never been particularly religious. but today might be the day."

• "a cup of evaporated milk?! have you lost the plot?!"

• "i feel like if i do this correctly im going to invoke the spirit of richard nixon"

• "this aint food honey this is a bioweapon"

• "sir your phone number is 4 digits"

• "well i don't have sorghum because i don't have a life expectancy of twelve"

• "thats the power of pine sol baby!"

• "bake to your liking. sweetie none of this is to my liking."

• "this is what id imagine a toilet brush to taste like"

• "this is why we don't perform lobotomies anymore."

• "should be a pale white." *holds butter up to arm for comparison*

• "i bet this recipe is just all the wrong answers on a baking test."

• "smells like dentures."

• "not bad dead people"

• "its incredible. and im mad about it."

• "sift your flour three times. lady your cake has tomato soup in it, this is thE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES!!"

• "'911 whats your emergency?' 'yeah that lady carol is at the barbecue again.'"

• "careful not to over mix. sorry im just trying to kill it."

• "now i know this is going to be awful because it calls for soured milk. not buttermilk, not milk and vinegar, no honey sOURED B A D MILK!"

• "disgusting wasnt enough for you?!"

• "call the U.N."

• "bake until done. you're a piece of work."

• *plays accordion on his kitchen floor*

• "tastes like a shower drain or a bunion"

• "this recipe was sent to me by herbert hoover feet pics. theres something for everybody"

• "are you nine inches yet?? said 14 year old me."

• "i suppose its better than eating your offspring"

• "oh betty crocker WHAT ARE YOU UP TO??"

• "you could just use canned pineapple. if you were a communist."

• "can you bake a pie with four ingredients? yes! i could also eat my mattress."

• "add three gils of water. was this written for a fish?"

• "i think this qualifies as a preexisting condition"

• "unconstitutional!"

• "its a breast implant"

• *clunking from the cabinets* "i think ive summoned something"

• "it seems to have collapsed. like the south."

• "the slogan for this cookbook is 'it's digestible'"

• "remember kids the main ingredient in pie pastry is self doubt"

• "fry in two tablespoons of crisco. on this episode of dead white people."

• "i didnt know tuberculosis had a color scheme"

• "ive baked a toilet."

• "how am i supposed to know how big your teacups are, ira?"

• "why do dead people like dates?"

• "easy does it. wouldn't want to ruin a disaster."

• "'ira honey i'm going to war.' 'over what?' 'your cooking'"

• "tastes like a boot. like a size 10 boot."

• "why just live in the great depression when you could also have chronic diarrhea"

• "it wants me to plumpen my prunes in water. well i won't be plumping my prunes in just anything. buy me dinner first."

• "it looks like a failed grave robbery"

• "walnuts aint gonna save this recipe sweetie"

• "you know its not bad it just vaguely tastes like a felony."

• "'where you goin with that tuna dylan?' 'oh you know just making jello"

• "this recipe is making me cry, not the onions"

• "are we sure this recipe wasnt written by a cat?"

• "it already looks like the great depression"

• "bake in a moderate oven. no need to get political"

•"don't tell gordon ramsey"

• "it tastes like a question mark. but a good question mark"

I was making spaghetti and I woke up mid-cooking and set an alarm for when the pasta was done.

Feywild Eggs

(w/ my favourite add-ins)

[Feywild Eggs are] a delightful presentation of creamed, herbed, and fluffed eggs, completed over even heat for a golden crisp finish. Some have even claimed this simple recipe descended from the leShay, an immortal breed of fey “elves” with incredible, godlike powers. - Heroes’ Feast, p. 58

Eggs are one of the most versatile foods around. Scrambled with cheese, added to rice, mixed with greens - there’s nearly no limit to the variations. Easy to pick up the basics, they make a great introduction food for anyone looking to start their cooking journey. The only trick to these eggs is to make sure you have the proper pan for the job!

The Feywild Eggs frittata in Heroes’ Feast makes a great base for any number of combinations you can think of, anytime of the day. Due to all of the possibilities, I couldn’t possibly cover all options in this post. So, I’ll be covering the base recipe through the post and will discuss my favourite add-ins and how I cooked them in the results section!

For a complete feast, eat them with the Yawning Portal Buttermilk Biscuits (p. 31) and Otik’s Skillet-Fried Spiced Potatoes! (p. 20)

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep Time: 10 mins             Cook Time: 35 mins               Overall: 45 mins*

* Will take longer if you are preparing and cooking add-ins.

For the ingredients:

9 eggs

¼ cup (23 g) freshly grated Parmesan cheese

⅓ cup (20 g) finely chopped mixed fresh herbs (ex. parsley, basil, dill, mint, tarragon, lovage, or celery leaves

½ tsp. (3 g) kosher salt

Freshly ground black pepper

2 tbsp. (30 ml) extra-virgin olive oil

1 yellow onion, finely chopped

5 oz., about ½ cup, (140 g) Fontina, Colby, Monterey Jack, Havarti, or Gouda cheese, finely diced*

* If looking to reduce the fat content, feel free to use half the suggested amount of Parmesan cheese and cubed cheese.

Warning: Make sure the skillet you use is oven-safe to 400℉

NOTE: The cook’s note in Heroes’ Feast gives suggestions for veggies and meats to use with the frittata (asparagus, sautéd bell peppers, sliced mushrooms, etc. and cooked crumbled bacon or sausage). The only point of concern is to make sure they have all been seasoned and cooked through in the pan before adding the egg mixture.

First, I preheated the oven to 400℉ (204℃).

Next, I beat together the eggs, Parmesan cheese, herbs, salt, and some pepper until the mixture was uniformly blended.

After combining the egg mixture, I heated my 10-inch nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and warmed the olive oil until shimmering. Then, I added the onion and let it cook, stirring frequently, until it softened - about 3 minutes.

REMINDER to cook all of your add-in veggies and meats in the skillet before adding the eggs! See the results section for my favourite add-ins and how I cooked them up.

Once the onion softened, I added the egg mixture to the skillet and let it cook, undisturbed, until the edges began to set and bubbles appeared in the center - about 1 minute (upper-left).

Then, I sprinkled the diced cheese evenly over the eggs (upper-right).

After assembling, I transferred the skillet to the middle oven rack and baked the frittata until the center had set and it puffed up - about 14 minutes.

NOTE: The frittata will puff a lot in the oven, so make sure your oven rack is in the middle!

After taking the skillet out of the oven, I ran a flexible nonstick spatula around the edges of the frittata to loosen it for transfer onto a serving plate.

I let it cool for about 15 minutes then cut it into wedges. It can be served warm or at room temperature.

NOTE: Don’t panic when it deflates as you loosen it from the skillet and transfer - it’s meant to do that!

Overall, I would give this recipe a 3.5/5 on its own and a 4.5/5 when you include add-ins. As stated in the introduction, the base Feywild Eggs recipe is a great starting point to build on but really needs the extras to not taste bland.

For my personal favourites, I used Italian parsley, 1 cup (130 g) chopped asparagus, and 1 cup (70 g) sliced mushrooms. Like the original recipe, I mixed in the finely chopped Italian parsley with the eggs. To cook veggies, I heated 2 tbsp. olive oil on medium heat until shimmering and then added the onion, asparagus, and mushrooms at the same time. I seasoned them with salt and pepper in the pan then cooked, stirring frequently, until the asparagus softened and the onions were a translucent golden brown - about 5 minutes.