Being Bigender- What It’s Like.

Being Bigender- what it’s like.

I know there are already a few posts about being bigender and what it means, but I kind of wanted to make my own so I could share some of my own knowledge and experiences on being bigen.

Bigender: The Definition

Bigender is a gender identity described as being two genders- either simultaneously [both genders at the same time], fluidly [switching between the two] or partially [sort of like being a percentage/amount of each]. It falls under the nonbinary umbrella and is one of the many multigender identities out there, one of the more well known ones in fact [genderfluid probably being the most well known].

Q- Do the two genders have to be “Girl and Boy”?

Absolutely not. This is probably the most asked bigender-related question that I know of, and I’d like for it to be known that the two genders you experience do not have to be binary. A bigender preson could be a combination of a binary gender and nonbinary gender [example: girl and agender] or two nonbinary genders [example: androgyne and neutrois]. Bigender is not defined as only being man and woman.

Difference between Bigender and Genderfluid

Bigender and genderfluid may share some similar aspects, but the main difference is that bigender is just defined as being any two genders, and it’s not a requirement to be fluid between them. Genderfluid is shifting between multiple genders, which doesnt have to be limited to two or only binary genders. These can overlap and can used simultaneously as a label if you wish, but essentially these are very different identities.

Q- If you’re bigender, are you trans? Or half-trans or something? 

Y’know, that’s just up to the bigender/nonbinary individual to decide. I don’t consider myself trans, and for a while I didn’t even consider myself nonbinary. I’m not cis, and I relate a lot to transgender experiences- so sure, I could technically consider myself trans. But it’s not something that appeals to me as a label, so I don’t really use it. You can just be you, and you don’t have to be a part of the trans community or even in the nonbinary community if you don’t want to. 

You can also have surgery/ name change/ go on hormones if you’re bigender btw, it’s alllll up to you.

Presentation

And another thing- no, you do not have to present/dress like both of your genders to be bigender. Or switch between clothing or whatever. You can present however you like- clothing doesn’t dictate your identity in any way. It’s just fabric. Wear it however you want! 

For example, I prefer to only present as masculine.

Q- Do you have to be 50% / half of both genders to be bigender?

Nope. If the genders are not felt simultaneously or fluidly and are instead felt partially each, then the metaphorical “percentage” can be anything. A bigender person may feel 60% one gender and 40% the other, or someone else may be more 70% and 30%, and then sometime they can even be 10% or 90% or even 1% and 99% and etc, etc, etc. 

If the amount of gender experienced can be at any percent, what’s to stop me from calling myself demigender instead of bigender?

[Demigender- feeling partially, but not fully a gender. Common names are demigirl, demiboy, etc.]

The truth is, similar to how [bi]sexual/romantic, [poly]sexual/romatic and [pan]sexual/romantic all overlap, and it’s really up to the person to choose which label they prefer, it’s up to the bigender/demigender individual to choose what they’d want to call themselves, because these terms CAN* overlap as well. 

*ALSO. IMPORTANT. Demigenders don’t necessarily only experience two genders. A few people have corrected me on this mistake- demigenders can also experience more than two or even only experience the one gender they feel the most, without needing another gender to fill up the metaphorical space. It’s just defined as experiencing mostly but not entirely a gender. 

Q- Do you have to have separate sets of pronouns for each gender, or even two chosen names?

Nah. This isn’t a requirement. You can be bigender and have as many or as little names or sets of pronouns as you want, and they don’t have to “match” your genders either. A boy/girl bigender could use only one name and use they/them, or an agender/boy bigender could be using two names and she/her + he/him, or neopronouns, or etc. The combinations are endless, so it’s up to the individual to figure out what they want.

And again, the names do not have to necessarily correspond with your genders by society’s standards- by which i mean you don’t have to have a “boy” name or a “girl” name or a neutral name unless that’s what you want.

They/Them

They/them (at least in the English language) are definitely considered THE neutral pronouns and like the go-to to use for anyone. And they usually are, there’s nothing wrong with that- it’s good to use on strangers, people you don’t know the pronouns of, or people who just prefer those pronouns- all very good situations to use them in! However, I’d also like to point out- as I don’t see it pointed out much- that it is not applicable to those who you know the pronouns of and they don’t include it in their list of pronouns/ express that they don’t like it used on them. It’s not a good way to get around using pronouns you’re uncomfortable with/ don’t want to make an effort to use either. It’s not a good alternative to someone’s neopronouns, or multiple/fluxuating pronouns, or just to use on anyone who doesn’t want them used. Just don’t. 

This applies to every gender identity, not just bigenders. 

Q- If I’m bigender, how does that affect my other orientations? Should I consider myself bi, gay, etc?

Unfortunately, currently popular lgbt+ terms [especially in relation to sexuality or romantic orientation] are not really suited for nonbinary people. There isn’t much of a way to describe our attraction unless you’re pansexual/romantic or aroace, so there isn’t really a good answer to this, other than you’ll have to figure out what sounds best to you. Like, what would it mean for a boy/girl bigender person to consider themselves gay [not just as an umbrella term]? Would they be only interested in other bigender people, or would that mean they like both girls and boys? See, there isn’t really a perfect solution. Personally I call myself asexual and pan grey-aromantic, which means that I feel no sexual attraction and rarely feel any romantic attraction, but if I do it can be to anyone regardless of gender. I feel like this covers me pretty well, so it’s up to you to make do with whatever terminology you have available [or if you want, just make your own]!

What it’s like being bigender

Well for starters, no two bigender people are the same, nor have the same experiences. I am probably the most stereotypical form of bigender- I’m boy/girl, I use he/him and she/her pronouns, and I even have two names, in fact one is a “boy” name and the other is a “girl” name. As much as I’d like to share alternative bigender stories, I can only tell you mine, so keep in mind that this isn’t the universal truth for all of us.

For me, I’m simultaneously both of my genders- I’m not 70% one and 30% the other, nor am I fluid between the two. At all times, I feel 100% girl and 100% boy. “Isn’t that the same as androgyne?” somebody may want to ask [maybe]. Well, no. In the form of a visual, pretend there are two tinted lenses [say, yellow and blue] and stacking them on top of each other makes green, while still being separate physically. Androgyne would be more like just having a green tinted lense, without needing to stack anything.

Anyway, how is it like? My insight to being bigender in the real world is well, kind of uneventful, as I’m extremely closeted and don’t intend to come out any time soon. Most of my experiences happen internally. I sometimes get annoyed that people use only one set of pronouns for me, because although I don’t mind he or she, I would still prefer for them both to be used at about the same amount. [I try to even it out by playing games where I get to choose to have my other pronouns used]. I feel comfortable using any binary-gendered terms for myself [ex: queen, king, brother, etc] and it’s funny to me when people “correct” themselves after saying something that isn’t usually associated with my agab [because I don’t pass]. I can relate to a lot to both female and male experiences. I get uncomfortable when people tell me I’m just one gender [ex: calling me just a boy/girl, repeatedly]. I do have dysphoria, both social and physical. I plan on getting surgery someday. I actually only discovered I was bigender last summer, so less than a year ago. That’s my story.

Canon bigender representation in the media [That I know of]

There is none, lol. Zilch none. Multigender people often get thrown under the bus when it comes to any rep, and the most we get is the occasional genderfluid character [Magnus Chase, Adventure time, some animes]. Although, I guess you could consider BMO from adventure time bigender, as BMO has fluctuaites between she/her and he/him pronouns in the show [but I think the writers confirmed BMO as genderfluid, not bigender]. And Marco Diaz from Star vs the forces of evil HAS been sort of coded as bigender, but in the newest season the writers seem to have completely butchered that and it’s kinda a train wreck right now so. Idk. Anyways, even if this was official confirmed-by-the-creators canon, then they still stick to the stereotypical binary bigenders and although that’s very relatable to me, I’d like to see more diverse bigen characters. So that’s my insight on that.

If anyone knows of any actually canon bigender rep then hit me up lmao, I’d really love to know about it. I might make a list.

Q- How can I write a bigender character?

Read everything above, so you at least have some standard knowledge about it. If you have additional questions, my ask is always open and you are also free to message me privately. I’ll be glad to help anyone out who has trouble with this, or anything bigender related really.

Only SOME of the other multigenders that are similar/relate to Bigender [for those who may want to know more]

Trigender- Like bigender, but experiencing three genders instead of two

Polygender- experiencing multiple genders but not all.

Pangender- same thing but as all genders [this however, does not include genders that aren’t within your experiences, because there are some genders that belong to indigenous groups and cultures and more that can only be used by those who belong in those groups. Pangender has gained some controversy because of this, so remember that it never includes anything one can’t claim.]

Demigender- feeling partially but not totally a gender.

Genderfluid- being fluid between genders [can be any genders, any amount of them and for any amount of time]

If you feel like I need to change anything about this post, then I’m open to suggestions/criticism as I’m never satisfied with what I write and am willing to make changes as needed!