I Just Had A Thought. An Epiphany If You Will.

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

you can’t change fate

AYO?! ┬┴┬┴┤👁) ├┬┴┬┴

full on patreon

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Train Stalker: Part 2- At the Apartment

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[NSFW] ‼ 18+ >MDNI<

Part 1

Summary: Continuation of part 1. Just nasty smut now lol

Pairing: Dabi/Fem Reader

Content Warning: Smut, Oral (you), Rough Sex, Choking, Hair Pulling,Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Praise Kink, Creampie, Possessive Dabi, Obsessive Dabi

Word Count: 2.4k

Disclaimer: Character belongs to Kohei Horikoshi

A/N: Enjoy~

Got impatient lol

My Masterlist

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The apartment he brings you to is surprisingly decent for its location, though it took you far longer to reach there than it should have, because Dabi apparently has a habit of dragging you against a wall or into the mouth of an alleyway to press heated, wanting kisses against any skin available to him. Your lips are kiss swollen by the time Dabi unlocks his door, his marks littering your neck.

You barely make it through the door before he's pushing you up against it, mouth hot on yours, his leg between your thighs, grinding up against you, making you gasp into him.

Feeling his hands gripping under your thighs, you jump and wrap your legs around his waist and arms around his neck as he lifts you; his hardened bulge pressing deliciously at your dripping entrance and you shamelessly move your hips for friction.

You laugh breathlessly into the kiss when he groans into your mouth as he presses you harder against the door; his hands roaming and groping wherever they can, frantically unbuttoning your shirt and unhooking your bra, leaving you in just your skirt and underwear.

He pulls away from the kiss and you try to unwrap your legs from his waist to move, but all Dabi does is readjust your weight and pull away from the door to start heading to his room; the easy show of strength just making you hotter as you trail kisses along his jaw as he goes. 

Pushing you onto the bed, he grinds against your heat as he presses open mouthed kisses on his way down your body, teeth scraping as he goes, sucking and groping at your breasts as you whine

He gathers and bunches up your skirt, pushing it up your waist, before gripping the sides of your panties, and  yanks, peeling it off and throwing it to the side.

Seeing your soaked, stretched cunt, he grins wolfishly as he grips your legs, spreading you wide, and immediately dives down, licking a fat stripe up your slit to your clit before sucking on the nub, eyes rolling back at your taste. You cry out, hips bucking up against his face but he pushes you right back onto the bed, holding you still as he eats you out like a man starved.

Beyond just the feeling of Dabi quite literally devouring you, the noises are too much to handle. Each slurp and squelch has your stomach doing flips, each moan and hum sends a vibrating jolt through your cunt.

You cum with a high pitched moan, almost screaming as your climax washes through you, shaking and writhing beneath him as he licks you through your orgasm.

He pulls back, licking his lips as he unbuckles his belt, freeing his aching and neglected cock. You spread your legs wantonly, invitingly, as you watch him strip, his hard cock bobbing, and oh fuck he's big. Thick and long and curved deliciously, you feel your mouth water and pussy weep as you drink him in.

He crawls up the length of your body, kissing his way up, before capturing your lips in a deep kiss, heated hands groping and kneading your breasts, sides, thighs; where ever they can reach.

You moan a needy little sound as you feel him nudge against your pussy, dragging the spongy tip between your messy folds. He pushes in in one go, shoving his way into your needy cunt like it's where he belongs, filling you to the hilt; and you gasp and wrap your legs around his waist, body trembling, as your world narrows down to the feeling of that perfect stretch, that delicious fullness.

"'S good," you slur, moaning. "'s so good."

"Fuck, you were just made for me, weren't you, Sweetness?" He groans, as he grinds up into your tight cunt, making you take his girth, getting you to adjust to size. He pulls back before immediately thrusting back in, carving out a space that his hot cock alone could hope to fill, and he's so deep.

You moan at the feel of him inside and around you, at the heat inside and around you, arching your back as he fucks you into the bed at a steady pace.

He leans down to capture your lips with his, licking into your mouth. He groans into the kiss as you clench around him before pressing kisses down your cheek and throat as he gropes at your chest tighter. thumb sweeping over your pebbled nipples.

Your hands roam his scarred back, nails scratching along the healthy skin and rough scars, just barely avoiding the staples. 

His hand trails up to wrap around your throat, applying preasure, making your mouth drop open in an attempt to get more air and only getting a little, making your head foggy.

He kisses you firmly, deeply, swallowing whatever little air you managed to get, then presses a light kiss to your cheek before pulling back.

Holding your gaze, he breathes, "You're mine now, Sweetheart. You understand that, yeah? You're mine." His grip tightens just for a second as he punctuates the last word with a grinding thrust, his voice a rumbling grunt.

You moan weakly in agreement, trying to nod as you gaze up at him, because you want to be, you already are; have been for longer than even you know.

He sees your agreement but he wants, needs, to hear it.

"Say it. Say you're mine." He growls, loosening his hold on your throat to allow you to speak but keeping it there as a light pressure, as he slows his hips to an agonizingly deep and slow roll.

"I'm yours, Dabi—fuck— I'm yours." Your moan is honey sweet and hellishly sinful, your eyes springing tears at the pleasure coursing through you.

Looking at your glassy eyes, hazy and lust blown as you agree so easily with him, has his cock twitching within you as he moans obscenely, "Fuck, that's it. That's right baby. Good girl. Good slut. Fuck, thats what I like to hear.", devolving into babbling, syrupy filth as his thrusts grow faster, rougher, sloppier, fucking you so hard, you might have slid up the bed if he wasn't holding you in place by your throat.

And you love it, moaning like you're paid to as he pounds into you, as he abuses your sweet spot so fucking perfectly; your breasts bounce back and forth, pebbled nipples brushing against his chest, the friction so, so good and you're so, so close

He fucks you mercilessly, cock thick and heavy inside of you, lighting up your senses with pleasure as your heel digs into the small of his back.

All the while, he whispers in your ear, telling you how good you feel, how pretty you look, how you're taking his cock so well.

It doesn’t take much more than that before you cum with a scream around him, back arching and pussy spasming, as you throw your head back in pure bliss; face contorting in pleasure.

He fucks you through your orgasm as he chases his own, your cunt sensitive but still so very wanting.

And when tears well up in your eyes and spill over in overstimulation, and his hot cum paints your walls, all Dabi does is grin and lean forward enough to lick them off as he keeps fucking you through his own orgasm too,

Whatever cum trying to slide down and out of you is quickly and simply fucked right back in, properly marking you as his.

His cock never quite softened after his orgasm due to the constant stimulation, so he's still so very thick inside you, so very hard as he fucks you good.

He suddenly pulls out, dragging a startled, gasping whimper from you, muttering, "On your knees.", before manhandling you anyway, without waiting for you to even process what he said, flipping you over onto your stomach, shoving a pillow beneath your hips.

Cheek pressed to the sheets, you arch your back, spreading your knees;  exposing your sloppy cunt to his hungry gaze as you look back at him through watery eyes.

And Dabi decides he's going to absolutely wreck you.

Gripping your hips tight in his heated hands, he slams his entire length back into you, grinding deep; the new angle breathtakingly perfect as you moan, long and low, eyes rolling back.

His thrusts are brutal, and you drool as you moan and sob when he gathers your hair, pulling you up towards him, wrapping the other hand around your throat, as he continues to fuck into you from behind.

When you babble something about going slower, he drags you up by your throat, his chest pressed to your back as he releases his hold on your hair to snake around to your chest, grasping your breast in a hot palm; groping and fondling and pinching. Voice low, breath warm, he mutters, "You can take it.", still pistoning into you at that same mind-numbing, brutal pace.

You let out a thin whine as you feel that familiar buildup approaching steadily yet again, a dark, breathless chuckle leaving his lips when he feels you clenching around him.

And all that matters in that moment, is how good and floaty you feel between the lack of air getting into your lungs and the thick cock fucking you stupid.

He releases his hold on your breast to bring his hand up to your parted, drooling mouth, and shoves two fingers between your lips, commanding, "Suck.", his deep, husky voice leaving no room for disobedience.

Of course, in your fucked out brain, you barely think about it before automatically obeying.

And the sensation of being simultaneously fucked from both ends, his hot cock and fingers both inside you at once; the digits petting and pressing at your tongue and inner cheeks, before choking you further by fucking your throat, has you teetering just on the edge of your climax, your walls clamping down around him in a vice.

Just a bit more.

He pulls out his fingers with a wet pop, only letting you take in little sips of air as his hand tightens at your throat, yet you can't help but to keep moving your hips in time with Dabi's, fucking yourself back on him. It's good, it's so fucking good, and then he brings his spit soaked fingers to your clit.

Your nails dig into his forearms and your toes curl as you cry out as best you could, coming undone on his cock, your velvet walls pulsating around him, pushing him closer to his own end. Fucking you through your high, his thrusts turn near bruising as he nears his own orgasm. 

Your body limp, he lowers you back down onto the bed the way you started, face down, ass up; draping over you with his hands framing your head, caging you in, as he drills into you deliciously, before bottoming out with his tip flush against your sweetspot, just to listen to your mewling cries, as he rolls his hips in circles, continuously sending jolts of sharp overstimulation through you.

"Dabiii~" you sob, oh so sweetly, mixing with the little whines and moans he's pulling from you.

You feel him nosing at your cheek, nuzzling deceptively so sweetly as if he's not actively rearanging your insides, before nibbling on your earlobe, dragging his lips down the side of your neck, biting and sucking yet another mark into you, making you choke on a moaning gasp, and then up again to your ear where you can feel him grinning against you.

"Hmm? Got something to say, baby?" His voice is low and amused and so fucking unfair.

You want to beg him to slow down, but all that comes out is senseless babbling as you writhe beneath him because it's just so much, so good, your hands scrambling for purchase, grabbing at the sheets, and you use them as leverage to try to crawl away from him, from the sweet torture, just a little.

Yeah, you try.

He roughly thrusts into you, pressing himself further onto you, using his weight to pin you down to hold you in place there, leaving you no choice but to stay put and take it.

His chest is so warm against your back, and it should be a comfort, but it only serves to add to the heat clouding your mind as he ploughs into your sloppy cunt.

You sob, shaking yet can't help it when your wet heat clenches around him, and he slows his thrusts to an equally agonising roll of his hips, whispering low in your ear, so sweetly, "Shh, I know baby, I know," before pressing a warm kiss to your cheek, making you let your guard down, making you relaxed, and then he picks up speed again, "Hold on for me, Doll, you can do it."

And all you could do is cry and moan, body pliant and at his mercy as he pulls the prettiest sounds he’s ever heard out of you as he uses you.

And when you get impossibly tighter around him, with a harsh thrust deep into your quivering pussy, hot ropes of cum paint your used walls once more as he shivers in pleasure. Body tense, he grunts as heated hands holds you in place while he empties himself inside you, filling you up for the final time.

The feeling of his hot cock twitching and filling you up has you not quite cumming, but something close, something that makes you twitch and shake all over, pussy spasming around him, milking every last drop, as your eyes roll back and vision goes white.

Dabi groans into your ear, low and gutteral, "That’s my girl.", as he drags out the ecstasy for you both, grinding his seed into you, growling, "That’s my good fuckin' girl."

You pant as goosebumps and tingles run across your body, feeling boneless and properly fucked out, mind floating.

He slows his grinding to a stop before easing out of your abused cunt with a hiss, leaning back. You moan weakly as he pulls out, your body too weak and shaky to move at the moment, so you stay right where you are, giving him the lewd sight of your state.

Shameless and depraved, he looks at the mess he made of you, the sight of his cum leaking out of your abused, puffy hole making him grin, wolfish and wide, because you're finally, truly his.

And there's no going back from that.

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My eye deadass started twitching, I feel feral rn

I think I need to break something? Yes? Yes.....

The new cover inspired all of this, it’s not my fault 😭

18+ on Patreon

Do you know? Do you know how Painful it is? To come onto this lil fucker of a site? And see every and all things 🍁Fall🍁 and 🎃Halloween🎃. While loving the thought and concept of those things. And never having experienced it and probs never will, bc I live in the CARIBBEAN WHERE ALL WE HAVE IS THE SCORCHING SUN OR POURING RAIN AND WE DON'T CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN !?!?!?!

THE MOST WE GET ARE HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTIES THAT ARE THE EXACT SAME AS REGULAR PARTIES HERE BUT DRESSED A LIL EXTRA AND SOMETIMES A HAUNTED HOUSE

AND YEAH THEY'RE FUN BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TRICK OR TREATING DAMMIT

BUT NO. THE CLOSEST THING IS SITTING AND WATCHING OLD HALLOWEEN DISNEY MOVIES

AND APPARENTLY IN THE RICHER PART OF MY COUNTRY WHERE A FEW WHITE PPL MIGHT'VE MOVED HERE, THEY HAVE LIL TRICK OR TREAT THINGS FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS??? BUT ALSO IT'S TOO MF DANGEROUS TO DO THAT ANYWHERE ELSE SO WHAT CAN I DO BUT SOB INTO MY PILLOW!?!?

THIS IS MY THOUGHT PROCESS EVERY MF YEAR BC I JUST LOOK AT STUFF ONLINE AND SIGH WISTFULLY BC I'M NEVER EXPERIENCING THAT.

MY TIME IS UP.

IK PPL ARE GONNA SAY IT'S NEVER TO LATE BUT I WANTED TO DO IT WHEN I WAS A CHILD TOO DAMMIT

Anyways, Happy October ✌🏾🎃

Just so y’all know: I can’t speak for every other fic author but I can say that I remember when people leave me kind comments. I recognize your urls and/or usernames on AO3. I remember you and sometimes in writing my fics I think to myself, “Oh, I hope this person sees this because they liked x in this other fic I did.”

Not only that—I go back and reread comments when I’m feeling low. I look at tags and reblogs and asks and wish I could hold them in my hand like a note from a friend on an old, torn piece of notebook paper.

Your comments have so much more impact than you know. So thanks to those who use the comment section to spread love and encouragement. We appreciate you.

1. Omg they’re a team

2. THANK GOD SOME COUNSELING BIG URARAKA W

My “target audience” for my writing is other weirdos.