Something About Nicole’s Suicide Ending Fills Me With Such Indescribable Sadness That I Don’t Know

Something about Nicole’s suicide ending fills me with such indescribable sadness that I don’t know how to describe. The fact she’s just hanging there, the room was dark, the computer was on, the bed was not made, the whole house was dead silent. Don’t even get me SYARTED on the suicide note either:

“People are books, puzzles and pawns. In that order. First theyre read, then they’re figured out, then they’re persuaded”

People are read, figured out and persuaded as Nicole says herself, but theyre also open, confusing or difficult and gullible. In that order can be a reference to Nicole before the game, listing to her mom’s advice and being a “nice” child, but ending up being gullible and vulnerable in the end. Being confusing/difficult can be Nicole struggling to “fit in” in society, with the mindset and attitude she has.

“Some would call that wrongly manipulative but whats the alternative? Basically any advice my mom’s ever given me. “Dont be mean, don’t judge, be open,”,”

Nicole doesnt see another option besides manipulating people or being stupidly nice, with no in between. It shows the difference between how both of them think you should supposed ply act in society. Nicole thinks you should figure out how to change people to have control and ‘not get hurt’, whilst her mum thinks that you should be respectful, and - in Nicole’s eyes - vulnerable. An open target, really.

“And yeah sure but, that only works when men don’t wanna have sex with you. Be tolerant of guys who get off by choking you, no way that goes south.”

Nicole recognises that she CAN act like her mum says, she knows it’s an option, except she’s also aware that men do see woman as objects and things to stick their dicks in, and in a place where she is mostly interacting with men, it crosses it off as something she can do, because she knows if she does, she WILL get hurt. She’s aware that she’s supposed to ignore the warnings and calls it out but she’s also aware that she won’t be heard, by a majority of people.

“Whats wrong with a pizza delivery-boy with no career goals? Whens the last time you asked a pizza delivery-boy if he’s a rapist?”

I feel you can interpret this im different ways. I personally see it in two different lights - sarcastic (people like crispin are seen as people with no career goals, or realistic ones, and he’s most likely (obviously in Nicole’s eyes) a rapist, yet no one ever checks because they’re seen as less educated) and Nicole seeing no problem with ‘settling down’ with someone who doesn’t have a bright future ahead of him (idk I feel like this is a reach and doesnt make sense but this is the best I can describe what im thinking 😭)

“Theyre called warning signs, but ignoring them makes you a nice person. And one day, if you’re a nice enough girl you’ll end up just like me”

If you call out people on shit behaviour, you’re seen as ‘disrespectful’ or something along those lines. If you ignore them, you might have a good life, but in the end you will be caught up in vulnerability. Nicole frequently called out and accused men of inappropriate behaviour, and she was both hated for it and liked for it, however in the end, she called out someone who didn’t have a line to cross and in the end she couldn’t ’handle?’ It, the pressure and most likefesr of what would happen to her, as again, the men in this game dont have a line they can cross.

“And just like my dad”

This is such a line. Nicole’s dad killed himself, yeah, and Nicole could just be referencing the fact they both died the same way, but were not told why he kills himself, we just know it’s apparently Nicole’s fault. This could open up so many different reasons on why he did it (Nicole’s mum giving him less visitation rights, the divorce, etc etc or just being under pressure). I think my favourite thoughts in this line is that potentially, Nicole knew why her dad killed himself, and only she alone had the actual reason, which is why she says it - knowing people will just think it’s because they’re both dead/died the same way

If you’re reading this, im dead.

Very obvious, shes dead.

Sorry if this is out of reach Icl as I was writing this I lwk confused myself 💔 but uhhhhhhhhh lmk how you felt abt it?? CUS I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO WNTS TO ACTUALLY START CRYING WHEN THEY SEE THE IMSGE RIGHT???