Hey all, I wrote some months ago about my concerns over lack of results while on testosterone. Giving an update here and to check back and see if anyone has any new input because I'm trying to stay patient and positive, but it's mega frustrating to be about 2 yrs on T and still be misgendered as female by the general public. :( Especially when I get referred to as "young lady" and my cis female coworkers get misgendered as "young boy." They don't look like boys at all, like they have long pretty hair and wear make up (they aren't very curvy or big chested but still), I don't get it. It sucks for all of us.
I have about 4 hairs on my chin and the barest of hints of fuzz on my upper lip. Granted, my brpther also has a hard time growing facial hair too so I'm not super surprised. My voice, while less chipmunk, is still very feminine. I still have a "soft" looking face and very feminine body (curvy with hips). My clit is still pretty tiny and I am STILL getting my period.
My endocrinologist has no idea why I'm still getting my period. Saw a gynocologist and she doesn't know. So now I have an IUD in to help with it, and while it helps with the amount of blood, I am STILL menstruating and I've had it in for almost half a year now. I've had tons of ultrasounds and they all come back normal. All of my bloodwork comes back low estrogen and high testosterone, but I'm not seeing hardly any effects.
I'm hopefully getting top surgery done within the next year so maybe that will help me not be misgendered so much... and then maybe I'll get around to finally ripping out my uterus and stuff.
So, consensus? Maybe I'm just always going to be feminine no matter what I do. I'll make peace with it if that's what it's going to be, but I really want to be at least recognizable...
Am I just being impatient? Is something wrong or is this just going to be who I am? Should I consult my endo about it some more? Anyone else have these results?
I'll stop whining/ranting now.
This is my wishful thinking/speculation that the reason they took the Dean pictures out of Cas' personal fake heaven was because it would basically confirm outright with no ability to see around it that Cas is IN LOVE with Dean and maybe they want to save that confirmation for tonights' finale to be even more dramatic and because if they're going to do this they want to do it big (no pun intended) and right? :3 Please Please Please Please PLEASE!!! ::wishful thinking::
Fanart for @bamsara ‘s Galaxy Days! This guy was v fun to draw with his eyes and fuzz
So fun that I kinda animated a super short bit from the fic, but it’s under the cut bc holy shit blood and gore warning. it’s also kinda spoilery for ch. 6
Pardon any inaccuracies as I’m typing this right before bed.
Spoilers for 10x19!! While I personally don’t think the order in which things were said is important: “... kill some people? Kill Cas? Kill Sam?” I do think that the fact that they were addressed as separate things was significant. Obviously Dean’s subconscious was grabbing onto things he found important. Saving people has always been a mission of his. People are important to him. Cas and Sam are important to him as well. But why not just say “Kill Cas and Sam?”
... Because they’re not the same.
They are all important to him, but all three things hold different places in his life. People are his mission. Sam is his beloved brother.
Cas is not a brother to Dean as this line suggests. If he was, he would have been included as “Cas and Sam” or vice versa, implying “my brothers.” But he wasn’t. He was separate. So brother is out. He can fall in one of two places.
Best friend (which Bobby had declared him in season 7) or a romantic interest (which is inconclusive, but highly suggested).
Either way, it’s nice to see that Cas is recognized as someone special in Dean’s life. He’s different from Sam, different from other “people.” :)
cook ing?.
Okay, if this 50th issue ends with Wade forgetting their friendship I demand a follow up series (Spiderman & Deadpool: Hot Second) in which Peter is frustrated that he invested so much time into giving Wade a shot and now Wade can’t even remember their time together so he starts aggressively pestering him to the point where Wade is very suspicious of his seemingly sudden involvement in his life and affairs and goes through a series of emotions ranging from concern that Spiderman has gone crazy to Spiderman is trying to kill him.
This way we get a series about Peter trying to be Wade’s friend as opposed to this one where Wade is the pursuer.
I just really want these two to keep interacting lol I’ll even settle for more cameos in their stand alone comics or just one-shot team ups parodying other Marvel team-ups. I don’t care, I just don’t want to be sitting around wondering when they’ll ever meet up again.
I know some are upset at the fact that besides the hug, there really wasn't much Dean/Cas interaction and I understand your frustration. We love this ship so much (sometimes more than we should :P who am I kidding, is that even possible?) and we want to see it represented so badly in every scene that they're in together. I personally am not upset by last nights' episode, if anything it made me more excited for the last two episodes. Here's why :) Part of the reason I don't think we got a lot of Dean/Cas cutesy stuff is because of the MoC. It's been making Dean, not Dean. That inwardly nerdy and super squishy guy in S8 and the beginning of S9 has been fading away, mostly because of the mark. The same thing happened to Cain I'm sure, until Collette. So if Dean was squishy with Cas last night, I personally would have actually found that a bit OOC and I would find his berserker transformation with the mark very inconsistent and less believable. It also sets us up for a reverse!crypt scene. If Dean was to be normal without the blade and only crazy when the blade is in hand then that would mean there is a still an integral part of himself that is surfaced and would most likely make any connection to the blade easier to break (as easy as knocking it from his hand), but with the blade changing him as a person as a whole even without the blade, makes it more like a mind control situation (similar to that of the S8 crypt scene). P.S. If Cas breaks his connection to the blade while Dean is in full MoC mode I will literally cry tears of happiness!!! The other reason I'm not really upset is that there was A LOT of important plot and character stuff they crammed into that episode last night. That stuff needed to happen and I think in doing so, it gives us more room in the last 2 eps to work with, which I'm assuming are going to mostly focus on Metatron and the MoC. These two things I feel are going to be very Team Free Will centered so there should be quite a bit of Dean/Cas interaction and will hopefully lead into some sort of Destiel type of thing. I don't for see them being separated for too long during this time. Cas is worried about Dean, and Sam and Dean are going to be helping Cas with the Metatron stuff, especially since Abaddon is out of the picture. Side note: I have somewhat of a feeling that if they make a reverse!crypt scene in these last 2 eps that they're going to have another open ended question like last seasons' "What broke the connection?" except it's going to be like "in your face obvious" what they mean and there will be no way for them to interpret it any other way, reiterating the fact that their connection to each other is very important and then one of the character plot arcs in S10 will be dealing with their realization of what that connection truly is. Anyways, not trying to change people's feelings on the episode (everyone's free to feel what they feel), but these are just my feelings on it and frankly I'm so stoked for the next to eps!!! :) ::crosses fingers for Destiel::
So like... what is happening in next weeks finale?? I almost wouldn't be surprised if they made a 2 hour alternate universe ending to satisfy us lmao
Man! That destiel stuff linda came out of no where but I feel like it's so perfectly heartbreaking?
Like Dean just lost the one person (again) who got him the most (besides Sam), who TRULY and so PURELY loved him. I feel like Dean has always known that Cas's feeling probably were a bit more romantic, but never brought it up or avoided the subject because then he would have to confront those feelings and actually talk with Cas which is something Dean is not good at. Guy couldn't say "love" for the longest time, no way was he going to have an actual conversation about it.
And I honestly don't feel like Dean can handle such raw and genuine affection and adoration being directed at him. He's a self loather and when his best friend starts confessing to him he knows immediately Cas wouldn't be saying this to him either unless there was nothing after and that is just so heartbreaking on so many levels for Cas, Dean, and fans. But Cas fucking smiles and finds the beauty and happiness of being able to tell Dean how he really feels and how he sees Dean as a person which kind of just drives that knife in further.
Like what do you do with that kind of information when you are not good with dealing with emotions or talking about them? You're in a high stakes scenario, you are blindsided by a beautiful declaration of love from your best friend that you weren't ready to hear, only to have that realization and it's consequences taken out of your hands because there is no proper amount of time to process and react beyond "Don't do this" before they're killed?
As much as I would have loved for this ship to be happier I am a sucker for sad/angsty relationships and this type of ending (gay or het). The only thing better/worse would be for Dean to have been ready to hear it, but never gotten to do anything about it anyways because Cas dies.