After A Few Days Procrastination, Here's Pamu

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"

cookie. they need to be cookies.

Some little friends joined the team!!!!!!!!!!!!

and this is my morning meal. thank you chef 🫡

Gonna put forth "are you sure about this?" with ShigaDabiHawks.

Prompt: "Are you sure about this?" 

Dabi hasn't had a lot of choices in his life. Or at least it's never felt like he's had a lot. Born for his father's ambition, raised until he broke to be a hero, and then left with the only choice of being discarded or pushing hard enough to make his father see that he was really worth something. Left with the choice of dying or becoming a villain. Every choice after that was whether or not he would survive. Has always chosen to survive, at least until he can make it to his goal. But those aren't complex choices, aren't things that really propose any real dichotomy because one will always be more correct than the other until he finally finished off Endeavor. 

More complex choices started coming around once he joined up with the League of Villains. When things started popping up like, will he let them eat trash when there's a fully stocked kitchen because he doesn't need to expose any part of his past to them or will he make them dinner. Will he just leave the food for them on the counter so he doesn't have to see them eat or let them know him, or will he sit down on whatever surface he can claim in the bar and eat, and talk, and laugh with the rest. He thought those were harder choices, but in hindsight he's pretty sure that he'd never really had one in the first place. Not when his loneliness had been sitting so heavily in his chest for so long and even just the tentative thought of companionship had him putting in as much effort as he could to make sure that the goals of the League were seen too as completely as his own. Didn't seem like a choice when Duster started giving him more responsibility in the wake of his dedication. Didn't seem like a choice to decide to take that responsibility and do the best he can with it. But he hasn't ever resented that lack of choice. Hasn't been bothered. Easier to know he's going down the right path when the wrong one is so blatant in his periphery. 

A lot harder right now when he doesn't know which choice to make, when he can't tell which one is the obvious wrong choice. Thinks that sleeping with his boss who could kill him with one careless touch is probably the wrong one. But it's hard to believe that when Duster's got a hand curved just above the staples on his thigh, another pushing careful fingers under the hem of his shirt, mouth on his, licking and nipping at his lips. When Dabi's skin is going quirk-hot with his arousal as he tangles a hand into his hair and the other is fisted in the back of his shirt as if he could pull the other man any closer. Pinned up against the hallway wall, halfway between their rooms. Hasn't chosen if he's going to pull away, go back to his room, and pretend this never happened or if he's going to let Shigaraki press him into his mattress and fuck him until he sees stars. Thinks he could because Dabi can't even remember the last time a kiss left him so breathless. 

Duster's mouth leaves his, nipping along his jaw and down his throat and Dabi is trying desperately to swallow down a whine. Most people don't want to touch his scars, most of the time he's fine with that too. Most of the time he takes control because it's easier when his partners aren't asking him what they can and can't do to avoid him coming apart at the seams. But Shigaraki doesn't even blink, doesn't ask. Doesn't wait for him to choose right now. Not when he seems perfectly comfortable with taking control here, when he clearly knows exactly what he wants while Dabi is feeling completely unmoored and overwhelmed by the pull of heat between them and the knowledge that sleeping with your boss is always a bad idea. Blunt teeth are trailing lower and lower, find the place over his collarbone where healthy skin is forcibly attached to scars and he catches one of his staples between his teeth and pulls gently. Can't help it this time, can't swallow the moan fast enough at that little tug. Has him pulling on Duster more urgently. Has Duster flicking his tongue over that staple before moving to kiss him again as he pulls him away from the wall. Makes the choice for him as he pulls him towards his bedroom. Okay. Easier to go. Wants to go. Knows it's probably the wrong choice to make. 

Doesn't feel wrong as Shig gets him into his room, kicks the door shut as he pushes Dabi towards his bed. He shrugs out of his coat and then has his hands on the hem of Duster's shirt. Isn't stopped as he pulls it off. Only gets a split second to be surprised by the lean muscle he finds underneath it before Shigaraki is kissing him again, backing him towards the bed. Dabi feels it hit the back of his legs and surprises himself when he tenses slightly. When this all goes from reckless and needy to being very, very real and solid in just a few seconds. Duster's hands go a little softer against his skin, presses another lighter kiss to his lips before he pulls back enough to level him with searching crimson eyes. 

His voice is careful and low when he asks, "Are you sure about this, Dabi?" 

Wasn't. Is now. "Come on, boss, don't tell me you're chickening out now. Promise I won't burn you if you don't dust me." Always easier to reach for bravo than anything real. Thinks... thinks based on how much softer those eyes get on him as Duster does push him back onto the bed that he's seen straight through to the real things anyway. Doesn't think he minds them though when he's bound and determined to take him apart by inches now that he has permission. 

Doesn't think it's the wrong choice when he makes it again, and again, and again as he decides to stay with the League and Duster decides that they're all his and he's going to take care of them too. 

///

But if Dabi thinks he hasn't had many choices in his life, it's only because he's never seen someone who hasn't had any. At least not until he meets Hawks. Meets the number two hero, the HPSC's perfect little spy, and realizes very, very quickly, that he hasn't ever gotten to pick something just for himself, something that he wanted. Or at least hasn't done it in so long that he's completely forgotten what it feels like. That he drinks the coffee that he's supposed to because he was offered a sponsorship for it and his PR people took it without caring that he doesn't like that brand, that he wears designer clothes off the clock that they picked too because they wanted him in those too. That he is personable and cheerful at every moment because that's the persona that the HPSC thought would do best on the billboards and that all of his more animal traits should be muted because those would do worse. That he should come and spy on the League because he's clever and pretty and apparently someone clocked that he and Duster both prefer men so Hawks would be the best choice for the job. And Hawks is very, very pretty. Desperate to be a honeytrap too. Because someone told him to be. Because he's never been given the choice of disobeying. 

Dabi picks up on it first. He's Hawks' contact after all. He's the one who spends the most time with the hero and seeing how quickly the hero will do anything he's told makes him a little sick to his stomach. So long as whatever Dabi asks doesn't go against some other invisible order that Hawks has been given, he'll do just about anything. Takes a cigarette whenever he offers even though he can see that Hawks hates the taste and how the smell sinks into his feathers. Will readily agree to any point Dabi makes about the corruption of the system. Dabi goes so far to ask the hero to not have his wings one time they meet up, said they were too noticeable and they were going to meet a little closer to the city than usual, and Hawks had been so tense and nervous. But he did it anyway. Looked like a terrified rabbit the entire time they were talking and it made Dabi sick to his fucking stomach, especially when he'd happily offered to do it again if it would make meeting up easier for him. Wonders how much else Hawks has been forced to do because no one has ever given him the option of choosing things for himself. 

He'd stopped holding the hero at arm's length after that. Told Duster what he thought the hero wanted, told him how badly broken he already was, and gotten permission to bring him around the rest of the League. Not for business. They made sure that wasn't ever being conducted anywhere he could see it. And then they'd started trying. Trying to what? Fix him? Break him more? Dabi isn't even sure, just knows that he'd brought the hero to the base and everyone else had taken one look at him and figured out that there was something so wrong and warped underneath Hawks' cheerful smiles that even they seemed more happy, healthy, and stable than he is. 

Maybe it's because Duster's goal is destruction, Spinner and Compress want to root out the corrupt systems, and Twice and Toga just want to be safe and free. Maybe he's just got a soft spot for someone that pretty and that broken by becoming a hero, but they all started to try. All of them want someone as broken as Hawks to become one of them, to choose them and choose a life where he can escape all of the horrible things that made him the way he is now. Dabi sees how that is chipping away at the hero every time he comes around. How he takes the invitation to visit their base with equal parts glee and dread. Because surely this is what the HPSC wants, surely they can't hide everything from his sharp gold eyes, but when he's with them, they make him choose things for himself. Ask him what he wants to eat and don't relent until he picks something for himself, ask him what kind of movie he wants to watch during their downtime, ask him what his favorite color is, what hobbies he has. Ask him questions, make him choose. Hurts Dabi's fucking heart at how hard even making the most simple of choices are for Hawks. How when he or Shigaraki are in the room, he always looks to them to see if they have any obvious preference that he can just follow along with. 

///

Really isn't surprised when one night, tangled in Duster's sheets together, his skin slowly cooling from how hot his lover forced it to creep with his knowing, demanding touches, Shig presses a kiss to his temple and murmurs, "Hawks tried to proposition me." 

He hums, nuzzling closer. "Turn him down or should I be asking if you washed your sheets first?" If he has to share Duster with anyone, he doesn't think that it would be a hardship to share him with the pretty, broken hero. 

"Told him no. Not until he actually wants it." Light touches along his back, tracing the line of scars and staples with fingers that could kill him in an instant. A soft kiss pressed against his hair as their words trail off into nothing. Comfortable, warm. Glad he chose this. A damn shame the hero still hasn't chosen them yet. Probably needs this softness just as much as the two of them did at the start. 

///

Isn't surprised that Hawks tries for him too. Was probably told to go after the leader if he could and settle for him if he couldn't. Was just sitting on the roof with the other, wishing that he could smoke, isn't because even though Hawks has never said it, he knows he hates the smell because he always tightens his wings against his back whenever he and Twice do it around him. That they go from shooting the shit to his wings trembling slightly before he's leaning in. Isn't surprised that he's trying, but didn't really expect it right now. Doesn't pull away fast enough. Ends up with the hero's mouth pressed against his own, light and nervous. Is a little stupid and weak when he figures this is the only chance he's going to get and wraps a hand around the back of his neck. Settles their lips together more fully, but keeps it soft and gentle. Doesn't let any heat creep into the touch. Doesn't know if the little sigh against his lips is good or bad, if his wings are trembling because he's elated this is working or terrified it is. Absolutely won't take it any further until he does know. Gives Hawks the softest kiss he's ever given anyone aside from Duster. And then pulls away. Hawks tries to follow him. 

"Not until you're sure you really want this, pretty bird." 

Knows he doesn't when he looks so stricken and scared as Dabi lets go of him and stands. Feels a little worse now. Wonders if Hawks can even tell what he wants over what other people want for him anymore. 

"We're both happy to wait until you make up your mind, dove." Adds even more carefully, "Even if you decide you don't want us. Still have a place here if you choose the League." Goes inside. Is pretty sure he hears Hawks take off a few minutes later. 

///

Not surprised that Hawks doesn't come around again. Wonders if he told his keepers that he tried what they wanted and failed. Wonders if they're going to do something to him to make him more compliant, to make him do what they want. But he doesn't really have time to linger on it. Not when Duster and the rest of them are suddenly fighting one of Ujiko's monsters and then an entire fucking city, and then Shig is hurt along with Twice and Toga, and they have an army and a new base and a lot to fucking do. He still texts Hawks their new coordinates. Figures if he shows up with heroes to attack that he really won't be expecting the entire army they now have at their command. But Hawks doesn't reply, he doesn't show up, and things go on for two months. 

Is not expecting a Lieutenants meeting to be interrupted by one of their grunts barging in, blood on their hands and smeared across their shirt. Dabi is smoking, on his feet, as he sees two red feathers stuck, and more vibrant that the drying smears of blood, against their clothes. Barely hears them as they say that the number two hero just crash landed on the roof, one wing nearly gone and bleeding heavily. He and Duster are immediately out of the room, rushing up to the roof. They meet some other grunts on their way down the stairs, carrying Hawks. Duster takes the hero out of their arms, lifts him easily and holds him close. The stump of one wing is bleeding, more crimson smeared across his temple and dying his blond hair dark, eyes closed with dark circles underneath them. Doesn't know if he's so pale because he's bleeding or because he's exhausted. Dabi doesn't care. Calls the doctor. Gets the three of them sent to his lab in a minute and Ujiko starts working on putting the hero back to rights as soon as Duster puts him down on the cot. 

It only takes an hour. The cut on his head is messy and needs stitches, the stump of one wing needs to be wrapped, but given his past exploits seems like it will heal on its own in a few days, he needs a blood transfusion which is taken care of easily with one of Twice's doubles, and he is dehydrated and exhausted, bruised in a lot of places, but otherwise alright. Then it's just hours of him and Duster waiting for him to wake up. They put their people on high alert, but no other heroes seem to be coming, and as far as their actual hero spies can tell, Hawks is currently being listed as MIA, with rumors starting to circulate that he might have been taken hostage by the League of Villains. They wait. 

Hawks eventually wakes up. 

Does so with panic in his eyes, the remaining feathers of his other wing sharpening to blades immediately, eyes scanning the room rapidly for threats. Breaks something in his chest when he goes so boneless with his relief when he sees the two of them. Takes him a second, and his voice sound thin and scared when he finally asks, 

"Were you serious? Can I... can I... stay?" 

"Course you can, angel." 

He hasn't ever heard Hawks make the shaky, avian sounds he does now. Really hopes he never has to hear them again because he's absolutely gutted from the sadness in their tone. 

///

Takes a few weeks for him to heal up and Duster puts his own treatment on hold for a while. Doesn't know how long it will be, but they want to be around Hawks while he's figuring out how to function without someone holding his leash. All of the League-- yeah they rebranded but he, Twice, Spinner, Toga, Compress, and Duster will always be the League-- try to keep an eye on him. They don't give him anything to work on, just tell him to get better and then he can start trying to figure out what to do next. He keeps trying to be useful. Keeps wanting to give them whatever he can to prove that he's worth their time, that he is an asset that they should keep because he can follow orders. Takes a few weeks to start to convince him that they don't want anything from him in exchange for keeping him safe with them. 

Weeks to get him to eat what he wants, to start to wear clothes the he likes, to watch things he likes or read books that interest him when they're all busy working. Weeks before he stops looking so guilty whenever he wants something. Still struggles so much with complex choices, will shut down when given too many options. They figure that out quickly enough though, start offering him smaller ones. Does he want coffee or juice? Would he rather go read with Compress between meetings or go with Toga and Spinner to practice knife work? Does he want help preening his wings or would he rather do it himself? Little things. They can work up to the bigger ones when he's ready. 

Takes two months of Hawks being here before he somehow ends up on the couch between him and Duster. Before his wings tremble and fluff and there's a very pretty blush just starting to tint his cheeks pink. Dabi knows what he wants, what he'd choose to do in this moment. Knows what Shig wants too. Neither of them act on it. Won't push. Takes a while before Hawks says, very, very quietly, 

"I... know what I want now." 

He and Duster's eyes meet for a second, their own doubt etched into the look. He can't help but wonder if this is really what Hawks wants, or if this is just another way of him trying desperately to be useful when they've stopped every other avenue until he's better. But Shig puts a hand against the small of Hawks' back as he angles his body to face the hero and Dabi catches his chin between his fingers, makes him meet his eyes. Nervous, flushed, wings all fluffy and fluttering. Not held so tightly against his back like they were the first time. 

"Are you sure about this, dove?" 

"You can change your mind, we're not going to be upset. We don't want you to think you owe us anything, little bird." And their voices are both soft and careful. Sees their pretty bird swallow, hears a little coo slip out of his throat. 

"I know, I'm sure." Blushes a little darker, his wings fluffing even more. "I... want you." 

They don't ask again as Duster catches his lips with his own and Dabi presses his mouth to Hawks' jaw as his fingers sink into those soft, fluffy feathers. 

Dabi still doesn't feel like he had much of a choice in falling in love with the two of them. Like so much of his life, it felt inevitable, like loving Tomura and Hawks was just the correct choice and that any other would lead to ruin. But he doesn't mind that. Especially not if the inevitability of him falling let Hawks really choose what he really wanted in the end. Is glad that he chose them. 

i wasn't tagged, nor am i mutuals with the above poster, but I wanted to participate as well!

i have no mutuals on here (yet) so if you see this, do it if you'd like!

Consider yourself tagged if you are reading this:

Make this picrew of yourself

Take this uquiz (How Fandom Would See You If You Were A Fictional Character)

Thank you for the tag @machiavellli !

OHMIGOSHHHHHH ITS TIME FOR TESSA!!!!

more under the cut :3

I LOVE HER SM AND I LOVE DRAWING FURRIES OH MY GOSH?????

she's so me core, and i love how i did her sm

her outfit is an outfit i have, except with a shoestring belt and words on the tank top

personally, i feel she's a kenomimi, and probably a therian and furry too

i really only see her with Elle and Juliet at most, with Elle as her service dog/them being super sweet and cuddly girlfriends, and Juliet being the one she guards and being her knight x princess thingy

I feel Mio and Sawyer probably 'share custody' of her in reality, but I don't wanna think too hard on that right now

realistic conversation between me and my brother

Rehab/Recovery AU

I’ll give more details in another post later on.

BUT HERE IT IS, MUAHAHAH

Mr compress is also here, just not in the center

i love my euphonium sm i just hate carrying her and how issue-ridden she is

To a hermit crab shell I go