Would You Fall In Love With Me Again?

Would You Fall In Love With Me Again?

synopsis; no matter what he did, he would always be the kid you knew from crime alley. (UTRH jason todd x fem!reader) wc; 2.5k

cw; angst, happy ending, mention of dismemberment, mentions of violence, brief mentions of stabbing, brief and possibly incorrect descriptions of first aid, heavily based on would you fall in love with me again by jorge rivera-herrans from epic the musical

a/n; this man has been on my mind lately and the song was stuck in my head so this stems from that, enjoy.

don't use, copy or steal my works.

is it you? have my prayers been answered? 

is it really you standing there, or am i dreaming once more?

“jason?” the name leaves your lips in shock, you never thought you’d see him again, only in your dreams if you were lucky.

you look different, your eyes look tired.

your frame is lighter, your smile torn.

the man in front of you holds barely any resemblance to the child you once knew. his eyes, although tired, are darker and sharper, a hint of recognition in them. his stature is bigger, muscles filling out his frame and he’s grown taller. there’s a broken smile on his lips and it doesn’t reach his eyes.

is it really you, my love?

jason’s been back from the dead for almost six years now, and he’s been back in gotham for two of them. it’s been a year since he worked his way to the top of the crime syndicate as the red hood and enacted his revenge on bruce.

he would catch glimpses of you throughout that time, not necessarily stalking you, but just wanting to keep an eye out, make sure you were okay. this would be the first time he speaks to you since coming back.

i am not the man you fell in love with.

i am not the man you once adored.

“can i come in?” his voice is deep, it no longer carries that light whimsy tone it did when he was a child. the sound of it both scares and comforts you, he’s grown into a man. but at what cost?

you let him in and lead the way to the kitchen where you nervously begin to make a calming lavender tea.

“i’m dreaming again, aren’t i? there’s no way you’re actually in my kitchen right now.” you mutter while shaking your head as if to force the dream away.

“you’re not dreaming, i’m real.” his voice startles you again, you just stare at his hulking frame as he sits in a chair at your table eyeing the way you flit around nervously.

“if this is real.. if i’m not dreaming, what’s something only you would know?” you’re skeptical, jason realizes, and you have every right to be. the whole of gotham knew he was dead. bruce wayne’s second son, dead in an accident, little did anyone truly know.

i am not your kind and gentle husband.

and i am not the love you knew before.

he scoffs as you sit across from him, two mugs filled with tea sit on the table's surface, one in front of each of you. of course you’d be the one to ask him to prove it. you were never one to take things at face value, perks of growing up in crime alley.

“we had our first kiss behind the giant penny in the bat cave, the night you discovered bruce and i were batman and robin.” he watches your hand flex, fingers tapping an unknown rhythm on the table as you consider his words.

“how old were we?” you fire back, he seems so confident and you want to believe it’s him but you have to be sure.

“i was fifteen, you were a week shy of being fourteen. i died a year later.” you wince at the harsh way he speaks but nod nonetheless.

“how old are you now?” you know he’s aged since he’s bigger now, you just want to know if he’s still a year older than you.

“twenty-two.” his answer confirms that he is.

would you fall in love with me again,

if you knew all i’ve done?

the next hour passes by with him catching you up on everything. how he died, how he came back, what he’s been doing since coming back. you stopped drinking your tea once he mentioned severed heads.

he speaks casually, as if he’s not bothered by any of this, but you know him enough to know when he’s faking, at least you used to. you can detect the hurt and anger hidden behind his words and actions, you were pretty upset yourself when you found out bruce wasn’t going to do anything about the joker. you cried over jason for months.

the things i cannot change,

would you love me all the same?

silence fills the air around you after jason finishes his story, you moved from the table to the balcony halfway through, and now you sit on the couch. your legs are pulled to your chest as you lean against the armrest and peer at jason from lidded eyes. 

he sits facing the dark screen of the tv, legs manspread and an arm hooked over the back of the couch, the other rests at his side.

“you know, we never actually broke up.” you mentally facepalm as the words leave your mouth, why in the hell would you say something stupid like that? 

your cheeks flame up as jason bursts out laughing, a deep chuckle rumbling in his chest that filters throughout his entire body. the couch shakes slightly from the vibrations of his body as he tosses his head back. the sound of his laughter and the sight of him makes you chuckle in turn. you laugh together for a bit until his next sentence has reality crashing in again.

“yeah cause i fucking died y/n.”

“well i’m sorry you’ll have to forgive my heartbroken depressed fifteen year old self for assuming since neither of us said the words ‘i’m breaking up with you’ that meant we were still together even if you were dead.” you grumble and use your hands to showcase air quotes.

“please tell me you haven’t spent the last six years thinking we’re still together.” he’s looking at you now, trying to gauge your reaction while waiting for your response.

“i grew out of that at sixteen, so only a year really. i’ve dated here and there, but most didn’t last long. there was one guy who lasted longer than the rest, but even that fizzled out pretty quick.” you explained with a shrug and watched as the tension left his shoulders, his body sinking into the cushions behind him.

“why didn’t they last?” you tilt your head back to look at your ceiling and inhale deeply at his question.

“i was just too in love with my dead boyfriend to move on with anybody else.”

i know that you’ve been waiting, waiting for love.

it’s been a couple months since the day jason showed up at your door, you talk everyday, whether he calls or texts you. he visits when he can, if he’s not patrolling as red hood. his relationship with bruce is still rocky, but slowly mending. you’ve started visiting the manor again, alfred appreciates your company and the atmosphere you bring with you while you’re there.

your dead boyfriend isn’t so dead anymore, and there’s something unspoken between the two of you now. jason has his own apartment, though you aren’t sure how since he’s still legally dead, bruce is apparently working on rectifying that. despite having his own place, he spends a lot of time at yours, and it only adds to your ever growing confusion.

unbeknownst to you, jason isn’t faring much better. he has trouble sleeping because of the nightmares, but lately when he does sleep, all he can think about is you. you’ve told him time and again that you don’t care what he’s done as a crime lord, that all you care about is the fact that he’s alive and back in your life. he’s paranoid that this is some awful trick his mind is playing on him.

he’s supposed to crash at your place tonight, hopefully he can control himself around you.

would you fall in love with me again,

if you knew all i’ve done?

the things i can’t undo,

i am not the man you knew.

you’re both laying across the couch, your body atop his, legs intertwined with his, and his arms around your waist while you both watch tv. some random horror movie playing that neither of you are really paying attention to, too caught up in your thoughts and each other.

that unspoken something hangs tensely in the air as your head rests on his chest, fingers tracing inconsequential shapes and patterns on his side. his eyes are closed and it heightens the feeling of your body against his.

“so… are we going to talk about it?” your voice breaks him out of his thoughts and he sighs heavily. he knows you’re talking about the unspoken thing that’s wrapped itself around you two like a thick blanket in the cold winter months, but he doesn’t think spring has arrived yet and he’s not quite ready to leave the comfort and safety of the blanket.

“i guess not.” you answer your own question after several minutes of nothing coming from him aside that first heavy sigh. his body tenses as you push yourself off him and stand away from the couch. he sits up once you turn off the tv, eyes finding yours in the dimly lit living room of your apartment.

“i’m sorry.” it’s the first thing he’s said since before the start of the movie and it’s your turn to sigh deeply while your shoulders sag as you stand in front of him.

“it’s fine jay, i’m going to bed.” it’s too early for you to be going to bed and you both know it, but your statement is said with such finality that he doesn’t try to argue. he only sighs as he watches you walk away to your bedroom, before throwing his head back with a heavy groan, knowing he’s sleeping on the couch alone tonight.

i know that you’ve been waiting, waiting,

after that night, jason distances himself. he’s hoping that some time apart will help him get his shit together and figure things out before he loses you completely. bruce, alfred, and dick all think he’s being an idiot, and honestly? he’s starting to think the same.

three months have passed since that night, and jason can count the number of times he’s seen you on both hands. the distance hasn’t done anything other than make him yearn for you more and wish to be by your side.

he doesn’t realize he’s left the comfort of the thick winter blanket until the night he crash lands on your balcony, bleeding out from a stab wound he got while fighting some goons with batman. he knocks only once before you’re pulling open the door and tugging him into your apartment.

“bruce called me when you disappeared after the fight, said you might’ve gotten hurt and to be expecting you.” you explain once you notice his head tilting in confusion. you help him onto the towel covered couch, a first aid kit and a bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table.

he takes off his helmet and the domino mask he had on underneath before letting you help him remove his jacket and pull up his shirt. the stab wound is on the left side of his stomach, no vital organs were hit but he will need stitches.

you work in silence, cleaning up the wound and the area around it with alcohol wipes from the first aid kit before stitching him up and covering them up with bandages. you give him the bottle of whiskey while cleaning up the mess on the coffee table and floor.

a flash of something catches his gaze, his eye zoning in on your throat, his breath hitching as he recognizes what it is. it’s the last thing he stole before bruce took him in when he was eleven, a necklace that he gave you for your tenth birthday. a silver chain holding a pendant the color of his eyes.

‘so that you’ll always have a piece of me close to your heart.’ is what he said when he gave it to you.

“i didn’t know you still had that.” his voice comes out hoarse from lack of use and your eyes flick to him in confusion before following his gaze to the pendant that rests at the bottom of your throat, just above where your heart would be.

“oh yeah, i still have a lot of the things you’ve given me but this one is my favorite.” you replied as you grabbed the pendant in one hand.

a symbol of our love everlasting.

jason knew what he had to do, but he just couldn’t find the words to use. he’s lying in your bed on his back, your head on his chest, body pressed against his injury free side as his arms are encircling you. 

he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to being this close to you, his paranoid mind is giving him anxiety, making him think this is just another nightmare.

“how could you possibly care about me still? i’m a murderer, a monster.” the words leave his mouth before he has time to second guess them, your hand stops the tracing of shapes and instead rests palm down on his stomach.

“jay you’re not a monster, you’re a traumatized kid. the same one that saved me from getting bullied back in crime alley, the same kid who would make sure i was fed even if you were also starving. the same kid who brought me along with him after he got adopted by the richest man in the city.” you look up at him now, chin resting on his chest as he tilts his gaze down to meet yours.

i will fall in love with you over and over again,

i don’t care how, where, or when.

no matter how long it’s been, you’re mine,

don’t tell me you’re not the same person.

“no matter what you do, you’re still that same kid i knew from crime alley. my dead boyfriend who i’m just too in love with.”

i’ve been waiting, waiting,

waiting, waiting,

waiting, waiting,

waiting, oh,

for you.

“well i’m not dead anymore.” he chuckles and you roll your eyes.

“yeah but according to you, you’re not my boyfriend anymore either.” you don’t even get the chance to laugh before he’s cupping your chin and pulling you up for a passionate long overdue kiss.

lips connecting with yours roughly as his hand slides to your throat, tongue pushing its way into your mouth. gasping, your body presses against him, hand clutching his side. 

he pulls away wincing and you quickly apologize, having forgotten his stab wound. but he merely shakes his head and presses another kiss to your lips.

“you’re still jason todd to me, the kid from crime alley.” you smile resting your head on his chest again.

“i know.” he presses a kiss to the crown of your head.

“and you wanna know something else?” you start tracing random shapes and patterns again.

“what?” he asks, relaxing his body into yours while sighing happily.

“i love you.”