Evergreen

evergreen

𖤓 part xi. | series m.list | prev | part xii.

there was a chance that you’ve passed by that tree already. maybe even a few times. you can’t help but silently curse to yourself as you step over the fallen twigs and branches crunching under your feet. with each hesitant step, hawks’ voice rings through your head as a reminder for your poor choice of footwear.

despite the several summers that you’ve spent running around these woods, the last five years have clearly not been kind to its elements. it was almost unrecognizable- not that you’d specifically remember every individual tree from your childhood, but trails heads had been vandalized, miscellaneous wrappers and trash were scattered from tourists during the off-season, and things were… gray.

there you stood in between two trees that seemed annoyingly too familiar as you peer through the woods. you forgot how dark these areas got once the sun began setting on the outside.

maybe you should’ve rallied up a group to search for touya. would that have been too dramatic? you doubt any of the campers would pass up an opportunity to scour the woods with close to zero adult supervision (you and tomura barely count as one functioning adult), and you could’ve easily played it off as just another camp activity. 

you had a thought earlier about stopping by enji’s office to ask about touya’s whereabouts. you could imagine it clearly; touya sitting in one of his dad’s infamous plush rocking chairs, and while he’s working on some paperwork, touya’s talking about the nostalgia of camp- what new, what’s not, everything in between, and maybe even you.

if touya could change so drastically, what were the chances that his dad could too?

you scoffed at yourself, shaking your head at the thought.

“starting to lose it?” a voice snaps your attention up “who knows what walking in circles for 20 minutes could do to a person.”

you look up into the trees to only be blinded by the stark brightness of a phone flashlight.

“touya?” you hold a hand out to block the light from your eyes.

“yup,” he responds, turning the back of his phone towards himself, “in the flesh.”

by now, the sun was halfway past the horizon, leaving you two in the blue dim of the dense trees that not even the remnants of daylight could infiltrate.

“fun day at the lake?” he nonchalantly asks as he swings a leg back and forth.

“are you fucking kidding me?” you scoff. “i’ve been looking for you all day, and you’ve just been here?”

looking for him? he was sure you’d be more than glad to have a day to enjoy the lake without him around, but your sudden burst of anger shuts him up for a moment.

“well i’ve been here.” he shrugs. “i don’t do water.” 

“yes you do.” you raise your voice. “stop fucking lying, touya.”

neither of you were sure as to why you were so upset. you knew this wasn’t about needing more hands to run the group of campers today, and you knew that people change- you were well aware of that- but there was something festering inside of you that was suddenly overflowing like a pot of water left over the burner.

“like seriously,” you continue, “take some accountability for once.”

“accountability? for what?” he scoffs. “hate me when i’m around, hate me when i’m not. tell me what the fuck you want me to do because i thought i was doing you a favor.”

the look on your face made him sick. he would never speak to you this way, but if there was something you both could agree on, it was that he wasn’t him anymore, and hasn’t been for a long time.

“a favor?” you spit as your ears grow hot. “you think you’re doing me a favor by disappearing without letting anyone know? you think you’re doing me a favor by making me think that maybe we could be amicable for the summer, and then pulling some shit like this whenever we have to work together?”

touya rolls his eyes, “if we’re being honest here, i didn’t want to come back to this shit hole either if that’s what you’re really mad about.”

he almost winces when your lips wobble into a frown.

“then why did you, huh?” you choke out, desperately trying to keep your expression still. “because you knew i’d be here. my name was in that email. yours wasn’t. excuse me for being a little bit caught off guard.”

don’t cry. don’t cry. please don’t cry.

“didn’t have a choice, sweetheart,” he coldly says, “and neither do you. i’m here and you’re going to have to deal with it, so i’m so fucking sorry.”

you were quiet- desperately trying to suppress the stream of thoughts, screams, and profanity running through your head.

if the rose colored glasses haven’t melted off this morning from the campers getting into it with each other, it definitely has now.

“coming back here was a mistake.” you began, knuckles going white as you press deep crescents into your palms. “ i should’ve…i shouldn’t have…”

for the first time ever, touya was witnessing you stumble over your words. the sharp tongued, quick witted y/n who was always ready to put him in his place was finally at a loss for words.

“tell me why. why did you come back then?” he interjects. “you regret coming back because i’m here?”

you press your lips together into a tight line. a beat of silence passes.

“coming back here was supposed to be nostalgic. it was supposed to remind me of the best times of my life growing up in these woods, but it’s not. everything is different and that’s fine. I can deal with change, but here you are,“ you scoff, “here you are as a constant fucking reminder for what it used to be, and how it’ll never be that again.”

as if the air in his lungs had been knocked out of him, touya went quiet. you don’t bother waiting for a response before turning on your heels and trekking back where you came from- not even half sure if it was the right direction back to the campsite.

the tips of your ears were burning with anger and frustration, you couldn’t be bothered to stop and think for a moment about the dangers of the situation that you had gotten yourself into.

the woods were almost pitch black. you had no idea where you were going. your sandals were doing nothing for the twigs and rocks digging into the sides of your feet. you could barely see a few feet in front of you, but you didn’t care. you needed to get away.

behind you, you hear the rapid crunching of footsteps following close on your trail.

“don’t follow me,” you say through gritted teeth.

“sorry sweetheart, but you’re not exactly the most directionally gifted eagle scout there was,” he scoffs.

“i don’t care. i don’t want to be anywhere near you right now.” 

“news flash,” he quickens his step, reaching out and grabbing onto your shoulder, “we share a cabin, we’re heading to the same fucking place, and you’re going the wrong way.” he nods his head back towards the opposite direction.

you don’t realize you’re crying until the first tear slips off your chin.

“i hate you.” you look at him for the first time tonight. really look at him.

touya's eyes slightly widen and his mouth gapes open with no words coming out.

you don't remember how long it took for this resentment to build up inside of you or when it was that "he's just busy" and "he's probably preparing for university" turned into "he doesn't care about me" and "i never meant anything to him."

“i hate you.” tears blur your vision, as you angrily wipe your eyes.

 the hand on your shoulder tenses for a moment before his other comes up to your right side.

“i hate you.” you sob against touya’s chest.

touya pulled you into him with a split second of regret. he desperately wants to tell you that it’ll be fine- that he’s here now and he can make things right, but even a promise like that wasn’t enough to convince him.

“i know,” he mutters into your hairline as your tears seep into his t-shirt, “i know.”

he hated himself too.

touya doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t try to comfort you. he doesn’t tell you that it’ll be okay. he lets you ball his t-shirt up in your fists as you tremble in his arms and try to choke back the next sob.

“let’s just get back to camp, okay?” was all he could say and for once, you don’t argue. 

a/n: FFFFUUUIUUUUCCCKKKKKK this was so uuuuhgggghhhhh to write i just want them to kiss and make up already </3 but unfortunately these two desperately need to feel their feelings and tussle it out BADDD

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