This Fandom Has Truly Ruined My Ability To Look Like A Normal Person Who Doesn't Just Randomly Snort

Random Near headcanon that I can’t stop thinking about is that he likes to have tea parties and he makes his action figures all attend

Arackniss x Niffty

@gothgfsandhazbinhotel and I have discussed this crackship pairing on discord and accidentally created this whole thing and I decided to post it XD

Niffty headcanon: 

Niffty is desperate for a relationship and has a habit of stalking every man she comes across for a while

She’s not the sneaky kind of stalker, she’s the kind that follows her target everywhere

She’s not the smartest but she’s weirdly good at stalking men

Her victim the man that she currently fancies can never get rid of her no matter how hard he tries, she’ll keep showing up wherever he is 

Until she either finds another man to stalk or she forgets about him

Luckily for the men she stalks her attention span isn’t all that great

She ends up stalking Angel Dust too at one point after she finally found out he’s a man

Eventually she sets her sights on Arackniss

Arackniss headcanon:

Arackniss is the “I’m married to my work” kinda man

He’s never dated in life or after-life

The most he’s ever had were one nightstands back when he was alive

And even then they were few and far between

He stopped having even one night stands after he died and has become even more devoted to the family business

Mostly because of deep rooted insecurity that he keeps hidden with an emotionless mask and serious personality

Meaning he secretly believes no one would truly love him and he deserves to be alone

Then Niffty started stalking him

The start of Niffty x Arackniss:

At first Arackniss thought she was doing it for the Radio Demon so he goes to the hotel to confront someone about it

Then Angel tells him Niffty is just like that with men and that she’ll stop eventually

So Arackniss goes about the rest of his days not minding her

He figures she’d lose interest fairly quickly and that he’d scare her off soon enough

After a while Arackniss is sent on a mission (to assassinate someone or do a drug deal or some other mob thing) and he just lets Niffty follow him

It gets bloody and he thought that Niffty would have been scared off by then and run off

But then

She appears and starts cleaning the blood off of him and lecturing him

Niffty: “You didn’t have to make such a mess you know, now your suit’s all bloody!”

Arackniss is shocked

And also kinda touched

Then Henroin finds out

For once he’s a good parent and actually encourages this relationship

Henroin: “About time you got a girlfriend!”

Arackniss is flustered and mortified 

Niffty is ecstatic 

Nonetheless Arackniss starts to get more and more comfortable with her presence

But then

While Niffty is following Arackniss some demon thought she’d be easy prey

Arackniss has come to care about her and tries to save her

Only to witness Niffty completely obliterate the demon who was more than twice her size

Arackniss is impressed

At that point Arackniss has grown to really like her and sees her stalking as a regular everyday part of his life

But he still thinks she’ll eventually lose interest

He’s secretly scared of that day

Niffty still following him around comes up into conversation with Angel Dust while visiting his brother in the hotel

Angel: “"Wait she's still bothering ya? Man usually she had moved on by now, I think she's serious about ya"

And the reason why she’s still sticking around after so long is because unlike other man, he hadn’t really tried to get rid of her or treated her rudely or like she’s a nuisance 

Or like in Angel’s case, made it really clear that he just wasn’t into her

So Niffty has grown to really like him

Since he actually seems to appreciate her presence and the things she does for him

Unlike all the other men who found her creepy

Niffty x Arackniss relationship dynamic

Arackniss eventually does ask her out on a date

Their relationship as a couple starts out pretty nicely

Niffty is ecstatic to be in a relationship with a man

And Arackniss silently appreciates her company

Niffty shares a lot of things about herself to him and just anything that pops into his mind

Except for the really traumatic ones that she doesn’t wanna remember

Niffty tries to get to know him too but he’s not comfortable talking about himself

Niffty doesn’t push him

Arackniss eventually starts to feel bad about not being able to talk to her about himself 

Slowly, he does begin to open up to her

Extra:

At some point during their relationship Niffty is confronted by her ex-husband

The ex-husband tries to kill her as revenge for killing him

But Niffty was too strong for him so he decides to break her emotionally

He tells her that it was her fault that he cheated on her

And that any man would cheat on her because she was so repulsive

Niffty becomes withdrawn after that

But after a while she becomes super clingy towards Arackniss

She’s desperate to make sure he doesn’t cheat on her or leave her

So she does the most for him

To make sure that he stays happy with her

Arackniss gets worried about her

But he doesn’t understand what’s going on

Eventually, when he does find out though

He hunts her ex husband down

And double kills him

people discussing fiction are always like “codependent relationships are unhealthy, we need to talk about how dangerous they are, they’re toxic” why? are you in the relationship too? are you these characters’ therapist? personally I just wanna watch these two fake people be fucked up in each other’s direction

lawlight

pov its 2019 and ur boss is wearing a cat onesie to keep himself from joining his predecessor in hell the after life. what the fuck is happening (plz click images for SORT OF better quality)

thinking about Good Omens 2. and stories, and the shape of them, and Terry Pratchett and his themes. and something clicked.

Aziraphale is cackling.

it's not just the ball. he spends the entire season trying to force the story into a shape it's not, and everyone suffers for it.

i've seen some less than charitable takes on Crowley's actions and they all ignore how much Crowley did try to talk to Aziraphale, did try to ask Aziraphale questions, did try to help, only to be ignored or brushed off. because his questions, his offers, they didn’t fit with the story Aziraphale was telling himself.

quiet, gentle, and romantic. it was, if you're our favorite Angel - right up until the end, at least. because he decided that's the story he was in. from the very beginning, he's off in la-la land, living out this romcom with a cute little mystery wrapped up in it, completely ignoring what's actually going on around him. i'll set Nina and Maggie up! (completely ignoring that Nina tells him she has a partner, and at that point, he has no reason to think she's anything less than happy.) i'll take ~our~ car to go do investigate this silly little mystery (he's not taking it even a little bit seriously!) while you stay here and run the bookshop and it will be so quaint and domestic! soon we'll dance and confess our feelings that we obviously share because we're already so clearly a couple we just need to finally say it!

Crowley knows the entire time that they're in a horror story but Aziraphale ignores every attempt he makes to point that out because it doesn't fit the story he decided he's in the middle of.

he brushes off Crowley's concerns and questions - his QUESTIONS! - like they're nothing. he doesn't want to see it, so he doesn't. and Crowley should have told him more?

why would he?

when you are CLEARLY in distress and it's being BLATANTLY AND WILLFULLY IGNORED, what the fuck are you supposed to do? "Crowley didn't comminicate" well okay if I were having a panic attack about something and my husband completely ignored it, chattering on about our dinner plans or whatever, that wouldn’t exactly make me want to open up about what was wrong! that would send the very fucking clear signal that he didn't want to know!

words aren't the only way we communicate and Crowley's body language, the entire season, is that of someone who is living in a horror story, knows he's living in a horror story, and is fucking terrified. if Aziraphale were paying any attention to Crowley instead of focusing all his energy trying to set things up just so for the big climax of his love story, he would know something major was wrong.

why would Crowley have told him how cruel Gabriel was about the execution when Aziraphale's already so thoroughly convinced that heaven is pure and good and has shown over and over through the millennia that he's not really open to considering that it can be cruel!

just look at them at the dance. Crowley freaking out because there's a horde of demons out there and Aziraphale giggling as they go to dance. that's the whole season!

you know who Crowley reminds me of this season?

he's watching helplessly and with increasing levels of distress as Aziraphale shoves every plot point into the romcom hole even though it's obviously not remotely romcom shaped! and i'm sick of people saying he was abusive because he raises his voice about it a few times!