Since The Bunch Of Y'all Are Voting, I Better See Yo Asses Reading The Stories Later!

Why i just found out about your blog? Like your writing is amazing!!!! Ho didn’t i read your stories before?

Because my autism suddenly decided I'm a writer and it's just a couple days since I'm back to writing 😭

Would love ya to stick around tho hehe

Feedback guys!

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part four

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: The calm before the storm, I'd say. Next chapter will get intense.

Another couple days Y/N spent mostly around her horse. Well, maybe not her horse anymore, but deep down she felt the same. Their bond irreplaceable and no amount of money would change that, she thought, staring into the deep eyes of a particularly tall stallion. His character was different than most horses she got to be around even back then, living on a farm. His dark eyes seemed to be eternally deep as he listened to each word spilling from her mouth. Leaning down to be on the same level as she held his chin gently.

It became their little routine, as she would come to stables before their training, sitting around and talking to him or simply caring for him in simple acts, feeding, cleaning or braiding his mane. It allowed her to keep remnants of the inner peace she once had, untouched.

He was impressive, incredibly impressive to the eyes of people who didn't know the horse from a foal. Calm demeanour, the awareness of space he was taking and something that Curly liked to call royal elegance.

Everyday they spent training, preparing him for races which were coming with big steps. Every small failure Y/N took personally, at the beginning causing her to doubt whether there was enough time.

Enough time to put in the hours of practice so that he wouldn't lose... Or disappoint Mr. Shelby, for that matter. Deep down Y/N was scared, and so she put all the effort she could possibly fit in the small frames of twenty four hours each day until she could finally breathe freely.

”He's fast.” Thomas Shelby stated from behind the gate, startling Y/N. Turning around, she spotted him by the entrance. The signature cigarette burning between his lips as his gaze assessed Inferno. His eyes were slightly narrowed, face lacking any solid expression as he inhaled the smoke, holding it in his lungs for a moment before exhaling while he began moving closer. ”...but fierce. A wild look in his eyes.”

Y/N glanced at the horse, hearing a huff coming from him almost as a response to the words aimed at him. She smiled lightly before facing Tommy once again. Her eyes met his, somehow fearlessly.

”He is good. Will win you big money, Mr. Shelby. I give you my word.” She responded, nodding along as he stepped closer. Y/N couldn't help but get a little defensive hearing his words. She knew the horse too well, and if Thomas didn't believe in his abilities, he wouldn't pay for him so much, right?

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he was about to smile. A small smirk appeared on his face, lifting an eyebrow at the tone of her voice. Exhaling smoke for the last time, he tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepping on it with his boot. Reaching for her face, he grasped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.

”Your word, eh?” He asked, almost taunting. Mockery in his eyes was one of the few emotions he let her see, shining through the icy colour of his irises. She was almost used to it by now. ”Am I to trust you now, Dove?” Her resolve crumbled visibly, her own eyes revealing everything going in her head, which pleased him as always. Even in such interactions she was completely defenseless.

Letting out a sharp breath, Y/N nodded along, biting her tongue before she would even think of saying something back. It wasn't a good idea. Holding her chin between his calloused fingers, Tommy felt the movement and subconsciously he knew exactly what she did. Smirking a little wider, he tilted his head to the side. The obedience in her was alluring, impossible to push away.

Leaning in closer, his eyes moved around her face. Slowly, he took his time, just like in anything and everything he ever did around her. Holding all the control he could afford to make her wait. Y/N felt her heartbeat rising, fear bouncing off of her ribcage at the close proximity he always chose over standing at a normal distance.

It must be one of his sick games, she thought, completely oblivious to the fact he just couldn't help it. The way she bent in every way he'd tell her to, the powerless melting into his power and whims made her almost irresistible. Almost.

His hands felt raw on her skin, the small contact of him firmly holding her chin made her breathe heavier. All the small reactions not going unnoticed under his watchful gaze.

The interaction lasted a couple moments, yet it felt like an eternity.

”What you're asking for comes with a risk.” His words were simple, yet they took a bit longer to register in her mind. Distracted by the way he looked at her. ”Risk you can't afford, so don't make me force you to pay for it, eh?”

Shivers ran down her spine as the vial threat hung in the air. Don't break my trust or you will regret it

Parting her lips for a second, she swallowed her dignity before responding.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

The intense gaze broke, as he patted her cheek roughly with his fingers. Little smile stretching on his tense face.

”Good girl”

~~

”For once you could be specific, Tommy. Linda's already holding this against me.” Arthur mumbled, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket as he smoothed out his hair. ”...and we're still bloody waiting”

John was talking to Johnny Dogs as they all waited for a sign to get on the way to London. Unusually many of the Blinders stood by the Arrow House, four cars parked on a gravely yard as Thomas checked his watch.

”The least you could do is stop fucking complaining” He barked back towards his older brother, already fed up with hearing it. Thomas had enough things to worry about that day, Vendetta being one of the main worries. It was the exact reason why all of them were dressed in the exact same way, every single detail fitting. Brothers not to be recognized in the crowd. Another one of his worries was Y/N, whom he had to take with them, as it was one of the points in the contract he made with her father.

There was no way around it.

”Time's up boys, off you go” He said out loud, pulling his cap on as he quickly got up the stairs swinging the door open. ”Y/N!” His voice bounced off the walls.

”I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm here” She ran down, her cheeks flushed red as she finally managed to get fully ready. Usually it didn't take as much time, but she never attended such an event, and Ada told her to present well as to not bring Tommy shame.

...so she did her best. Dressed in one of the new dresses with her hair put up all pretty. Her look held all the intent, gracefully showing the elegant style while keeping most of her body hidden.

When his eyes landed on her, Thomas felt his fingertips buzzing with the need to grab her. It made him uneasy, the urges, coming and going so suddenly and out of control. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself. The anger at her for being late suddenly forgotten.

”We don't have time to spare. Get in the car before I make you walk all the way to London.” He said, his voice coming out a bit less menacingly than he'd like.

Y/N nodded quickly, pulling her dark coat onto her body before rushing out the door into his car. Sitting on the passenger seat, she let out a sigh.

The sigh that made his eyes roll, as her scent filled out the car.

Fucking hell, he thought, starting the engine smoothly, not intending on talking to her any longer. They travelled in almost complete silence, occasionally broken with her voice when she'd asked a question.

~~

Getting to London took a bit longer than expected, which allowed the Blinders to gather in all the right places, following Tommy's plan exactly as they were told. Peaky caps sitting lowly on their face, covering most prominent features.

As soon as Tommy pulled up parking the car, Y/N reached to open the door, but before she managed to do so his hand grabbed on her thigh, keeping her firmly in place. Y/N glanced towards him with a question.

”You're going to stick to me the whole time we're there, you hear me? You'll place bets with John and Edward, then return to our seats. No looking around, no asking too many questions.” His hand cradled her skin as he spoke, making her lose her focus for a split second before she responded, holding the eye contact.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby”

A little sceptical for a moment, he stilled, looking for approval in her eyes that in fact she understood before letting out a sigh.

Trust, he thought.

”Good”

...and with that they got out. Speaking even less than usual he grasped her hand, pulling her towards the entrance. Holding her closely they moved up the stairs, passing by other guests before making it to the third level. Four blinders stood by the entrance, chit chatting, and three were by the betting booth. Another small crowd already climbing the stairs before they dispersed to their designated positions.

”Let's put out bets in, shall we?” Tommy said lightheartedly, glancing towards her with a small smirk and teasing look on his face she never saw before. It looked... Strange, but the coldness in his eyes made her realize he was putting on an act.

”Lead the way, Sir.” She responded, mirroring his tone with a shy smile. Despite not understanding what was exactly happening, she was happy to be included and to... Be on the receiving end of his pleasantries, even if they weren't real.

She decided to enjoy every moment of this event, as another won't be around again anytime soon. Not in her calendar, she thought, feeling strange with the strength he was holding her hand with, almost crushing her fingers.

Trying to get her mind off of that, she looked out onto the racetrack after placing the bets and getting to their seats. From that point everything was going smoothly, and Y/N give up on trying to understand the situation, Thomas' behaviour weird in ways other than usual, but she didn't pay attention anymore.

As the races began, Tommy whispered into her ear to not move from the seats at all, just wait for him to be back before he disappeared into the building behind them. Y/N nodded obediently, watching as Inferno shot out onto the rack with all the other horses. The distance was fairly long and the track slightly curving towards the left, making it difficult to see every detail from where she was seated.

Completely unaware of her doings, she rose from her seat, moving closer to the track. Her hands grasping the edge of the seat in front of her. With her eyes wide open she watched with anticipation as her black horse passed by a smaller one, making it to the second position.

Meter after meter they cut through the distance, making seconds feel like hours before finally, his head peaked to the front.

With a loud gasp she realized Inferno won, throwing her hands in the air with pure happiness. Her pink lips stretched into a wide smile as she turned around, realising Tommy didn't come back yet.

To her right she heard a loud chuckle before a tall figure came up closer, from the seats nearby. Man much taller than she was, moved slightly closer, leaning on the short wall separating two sections.

”Am I to understand that the bet was lucky?” He spoke up, his accent foreign to the ones she knew and heard before. His hair was dark and smile bright. He was a good looking man.

”For once” She responded, nodding lightly, and gesturing towards the piece of paper she held. ”Yours not so much?” Y/N asked, unsure of why he approached her, but she didn't want to appear rude.

Taking another step he was right next to her, showing his own paper to the young woman.

Maximus, was written, which turned out to be the horse who made it second to the finish line.

”Ah, I see.” Y/N said with a smile at the dramatic sigh he let out. He was maybe a little older than her, but not by much. A few years top. It was refreshing to talk to someone around her age. ”Well, maybe next time then?” She offered.

”Hopefully. Why Inferno? It's a debutant. Maximus won three times in a row.” The tone of his voice was lighthearted, carrying a hint of curiosity within.

Shrugging, Y/N quickly assessed whether she should, or shouldn't tell the truth. Eventually settling on.. a half true.

”His legs are longer than most horses on the rack. This breed is majestic, and the look in his eyes is trustworthy.” Her response was a bit held back, which hopefully he wouldn't notice.

Cocking an eyebrow, his lips stretched into a mocking smile. His demeanour visibly changing.

”And you noticed it from up here, is that right? Brilliant answer, Y/N.”

Y/N's lips parted as she took a step back once she heard him say her name. Her heart picked up on pace, thumping loudly in her chest as she realized something was wrong.

Suddenly a loud bang came from one of the chambers, chaos quickly taking over the audience as people heard another gunshot coming from inside of the building. The stranger moved quickly, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her towards him, but before Y/N managed to react she was pushed aside, in a different direction again. Stumbling back she looked up, her eyes widening and her face going pale as she realized it was Mr. Shelby who saved her from the strange man.

As he cut between the two of them, Thomas' fist immediately made contact with the stranger's face. He was shorter, but visibly more built, his strength overpowering the other man.

”Shelby” He straightened his back quickly with a grin, his teeth covered in blood as he reached into his holster but not quick enough. In a split second Tommy groaned after hearing it, ripped the cap off his head, using the sewed in blade as he cut across his face.

Y/N took another step back, scared to death as she looked around trying to find someone familiar. The scene in front of her just... Kept going, nobody stopped the Blinder from turning him into a mess, features not recognizable anymore, looking barely human.

As a sob ripped from her throat, Y/N couldn't look away anymore and only when someone else grabbed her arm, she realized it was Arthur.

”C'mere, it's time to go” He said impatiently, pushing her towards the entrance but she looked back at Tommy.

”What about him?” Her voice came out higher than usual, tears still streaming down her face.

Y/N didn't even know when and why she cried. The whole situation was so obscene, the confusion racing through her veins was incredibly overwhelming.

”He'll be fine, we need to leave. Quickly!” He commanded, and she didn't dare to argue. Rushing to the exit, she noticed John was waiting right there for them. Nodding to Arthur they shut the door behind them, running down the stairs.

Everything was happening so quickly, a few Blinders were injured, their suits marked with blood one way or another.

Her lungs were burning from the run, tears slowly drying off on her face. Looking at her hands, Y/N realized that some of the blood got on her skin, and she was marked just as much as other men around her. The wind picked up, blowing hard and cold as she turned around and noticed everyone getting in the car. Before she could ask them what she was supposed to do, a strong hand clamped down on her shoulder, turning her back and a strong body pressed her against the Bentley.

Thomas' face was covered in blood, he was breathing heavily. Unsure whether it was from the fight or maybe running, but he was visibly furious. Almost crushing her between him and the hard exterior of a vehicle, she mewled in pain before his hand wrapped around her throat.

His eyes were completely dark, face strained in fury like she never saw before. Immediately cutting her airflow off, he slammed her against the car a bit harder.

”I told you to not fucking move!” He growled loudly, still wet blood from his hand coating her skin. Pulling her by the throat, he got to her eye level. ”Are simple words too much for your bloody brain, eh?!” She was completely pale, crying again as she tried to shake her head but his hand was too strong. She couldn't move. Paralyzed from fear, it was completely visible in her eyes.

Groaning Thomas pulled her against him, his lips crashing into hers forcefully. Parting her lips and shoving his tongue inside, dominating her in the clear display of power. He tasted like.. blood, the taste alone was making her nauseous, but there was nothing she could do. Biting her lip harshly, he made her cry out before pulling away.

Quickly taking a step back, he opened the door, shoving her onto the passenger seat.

”You asked for my trust, and now you will pay the price.” She heard before he shut the door so hard, she let out a choked sob.

Getting in the car, he started the engine right away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket.

Cry. There's nothing else you can do now

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part four

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: The calm before the storm, I'd say. Next chapter will get intense.

Another couple days Y/N spent mostly around her horse. Well, maybe not her horse anymore, but deep down she felt the same. Their bond irreplaceable and no amount of money would change that, she thought, staring into the deep eyes of a particularly tall stallion. His character was different than most horses she got to be around even back then, living on a farm. His dark eyes seemed to be eternally deep as he listened to each word spilling from her mouth. Leaning down to be on the same level as she held his chin gently.

It became their little routine, as she would come to stables before their training, sitting around and talking to him or simply caring for him in simple acts, feeding, cleaning or braiding his mane. It allowed her to keep remnants of the inner peace she once had, untouched.

He was impressive, incredibly impressive to the eyes of people who didn't know the horse from a foal. Calm demeanour, the awareness of space he was taking and something that Curly liked to call royal elegance.

Everyday they spent training, preparing him for races which were coming with big steps. Every small failure Y/N took personally, at the beginning causing her to doubt whether there was enough time.

Enough time to put in the hours of practice so that he wouldn't lose... Or disappoint Mr. Shelby, for that matter. Deep down Y/N was scared, and so she put all the effort she could possibly fit in the small frames of twenty four hours each day until she could finally breathe freely.

”He's fast.” Thomas Shelby stated from behind the gate, startling Y/N. Turning around, she spotted him by the entrance. The signature cigarette burning between his lips as his gaze assessed Inferno. His eyes were slightly narrowed, face lacking any solid expression as he inhaled the smoke, holding it in his lungs for a moment before exhaling while he began moving closer. ”...but fierce. A wild look in his eyes.”

Y/N glanced at the horse, hearing a huff coming from him almost as a response to the words aimed at him. She smiled lightly before facing Tommy once again. Her eyes met his, somehow fearlessly.

”He is good. Will win you big money, Mr. Shelby. I give you my word.” She responded, nodding along as he stepped closer. Y/N couldn't help but get a little defensive hearing his words. She knew the horse too well, and if Thomas didn't believe in his abilities, he wouldn't pay for him so much, right?

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he was about to smile. A small smirk appeared on his face, lifting an eyebrow at the tone of her voice. Exhaling smoke for the last time, he tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepping on it with his boot. Reaching for her face, he grasped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.

”Your word, eh?” He asked, almost taunting. Mockery in his eyes was one of the few emotions he let her see, shining through the icy colour of his irises. She was almost used to it by now. ”Am I to trust you now, Dove?” Her resolve crumbled visibly, her own eyes revealing everything going in her head, which pleased him as always. Even in such interactions she was completely defenseless.

Letting out a sharp breath, Y/N nodded along, biting her tongue before she would even think of saying something back. It wasn't a good idea. Holding her chin between his calloused fingers, Tommy felt the movement and subconsciously he knew exactly what she did. Smirking a little wider, he tilted his head to the side. The obedience in her was alluring, impossible to push away.

Leaning in closer, his eyes moved around her face. Slowly, he took his time, just like in anything and everything he ever did around her. Holding all the control he could afford to make her wait. Y/N felt her heartbeat rising, fear bouncing off of her ribcage at the close proximity he always chose over standing at a normal distance.

It must be one of his sick games, she thought, completely oblivious to the fact he just couldn't help it. The way she bent in every way he'd tell her to, the powerless melting into his power and whims made her almost irresistible. Almost.

His hands felt raw on her skin, the small contact of him firmly holding her chin made her breathe heavier. All the small reactions not going unnoticed under his watchful gaze.

The interaction lasted a couple moments, yet it felt like an eternity.

”What you're asking for comes with a risk.” His words were simple, yet they took a bit longer to register in her mind. Distracted by the way he looked at her. ”Risk you can't afford, so don't make me force you to pay for it, eh?”

Shivers ran down her spine as the vial threat hung in the air. Don't break my trust or you will regret it

Parting her lips for a second, she swallowed her dignity before responding.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

The intense gaze broke, as he patted her cheek roughly with his fingers. Little smile stretching on his tense face.

”Good girl”

~~

”For once you could be specific, Tommy. Linda's already holding this against me.” Arthur mumbled, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket as he smoothed out his hair. ”...and we're still bloody waiting”

John was talking to Johnny Dogs as they all waited for a sign to get on the way to London. Unusually many of the Blinders stood by the Arrow House, four cars parked on a gravely yard as Thomas checked his watch.

”The least you could do is stop fucking complaining” He barked back towards his older brother, already fed up with hearing it. Thomas had enough things to worry about that day, Vendetta being one of the main worries. It was the exact reason why all of them were dressed in the exact same way, every single detail fitting. Brothers not to be recognized in the crowd. Another one of his worries was Y/N, whom he had to take with them, as it was one of the points in the contract he made with her father.

There was no way around it.

”Time's up boys, off you go” He said out loud, pulling his cap on as he quickly got up the stairs swinging the door open. ”Y/N!” His voice bounced off the walls.

”I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm here” She ran down, her cheeks flushed red as she finally managed to get fully ready. Usually it didn't take as much time, but she never attended such an event, and Ada told her to present well as to not bring Tommy shame.

...so she did her best. Dressed in one of the new dresses with her hair put up all pretty. Her look held all the intent, gracefully showing the elegant style while keeping most of her body hidden.

When his eyes landed on her, Thomas felt his fingertips buzzing with the need to grab her. It made him uneasy, the urges, coming and going so suddenly and out of control. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself. The anger at her for being late suddenly forgotten.

”We don't have time to spare. Get in the car before I make you walk all the way to London.” He said, his voice coming out a bit less menacingly than he'd like.

Y/N nodded quickly, pulling her dark coat onto her body before rushing out the door into his car. Sitting on the passenger seat, she let out a sigh.

The sigh that made his eyes roll, as her scent filled out the car.

Fucking hell, he thought, starting the engine smoothly, not intending on talking to her any longer. They travelled in almost complete silence, occasionally broken with her voice when she'd asked a question.

~~

Getting to London took a bit longer than expected, which allowed the Blinders to gather in all the right places, following Tommy's plan exactly as they were told. Peaky caps sitting lowly on their face, covering most prominent features.

As soon as Tommy pulled up parking the car, Y/N reached to open the door, but before she managed to do so his hand grabbed on her thigh, keeping her firmly in place. Y/N glanced towards him with a question.

”You're going to stick to me the whole time we're there, you hear me? You'll place bets with John and Edward, then return to our seats. No looking around, no asking too many questions.” His hand cradled her skin as he spoke, making her lose her focus for a split second before she responded, holding the eye contact.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby”

A little sceptical for a moment, he stilled, looking for approval in her eyes that in fact she understood before letting out a sigh.

Trust, he thought.

”Good”

...and with that they got out. Speaking even less than usual he grasped her hand, pulling her towards the entrance. Holding her closely they moved up the stairs, passing by other guests before making it to the third level. Four blinders stood by the entrance, chit chatting, and three were by the betting booth. Another small crowd already climbing the stairs before they dispersed to their designated positions.

”Let's put out bets in, shall we?” Tommy said lightheartedly, glancing towards her with a small smirk and teasing look on his face she never saw before. It looked... Strange, but the coldness in his eyes made her realize he was putting on an act.

”Lead the way, Sir.” She responded, mirroring his tone with a shy smile. Despite not understanding what was exactly happening, she was happy to be included and to... Be on the receiving end of his pleasantries, even if they weren't real.

She decided to enjoy every moment of this event, as another won't be around again anytime soon. Not in her calendar, she thought, feeling strange with the strength he was holding her hand with, almost crushing her fingers.

Trying to get her mind off of that, she looked out onto the racetrack after placing the bets and getting to their seats. From that point everything was going smoothly, and Y/N give up on trying to understand the situation, Thomas' behaviour weird in ways other than usual, but she didn't pay attention anymore.

As the races began, Tommy whispered into her ear to not move from the seats at all, just wait for him to be back before he disappeared into the building behind them. Y/N nodded obediently, watching as Inferno shot out onto the rack with all the other horses. The distance was fairly long and the track slightly curving towards the left, making it difficult to see every detail from where she was seated.

Completely unaware of her doings, she rose from her seat, moving closer to the track. Her hands grasping the edge of the seat in front of her. With her eyes wide open she watched with anticipation as her black horse passed by a smaller one, making it to the second position.

Meter after meter they cut through the distance, making seconds feel like hours before finally, his head peaked to the front.

With a loud gasp she realized Inferno won, throwing her hands in the air with pure happiness. Her pink lips stretched into a wide smile as she turned around, realising Tommy didn't come back yet.

To her right she heard a loud chuckle before a tall figure came up closer, from the seats nearby. Man much taller than she was, moved slightly closer, leaning on the short wall separating two sections.

”Am I to understand that the bet was lucky?” He spoke up, his accent foreign to the ones she knew and heard before. His hair was dark and smile bright. He was a good looking man.

”For once” She responded, nodding lightly, and gesturing towards the piece of paper she held. ”Yours not so much?” Y/N asked, unsure of why he approached her, but she didn't want to appear rude.

Taking another step he was right next to her, showing his own paper to the young woman.

Maximus, was written, which turned out to be the horse who made it second to the finish line.

”Ah, I see.” Y/N said with a smile at the dramatic sigh he let out. He was maybe a little older than her, but not by much. A few years top. It was refreshing to talk to someone around her age. ”Well, maybe next time then?” She offered.

”Hopefully. Why Inferno? It's a debutant. Maximus won three times in a row.” The tone of his voice was lighthearted, carrying a hint of curiosity within.

Shrugging, Y/N quickly assessed whether she should, or shouldn't tell the truth. Eventually settling on.. a half true.

”His legs are longer than most horses on the rack. This breed is majestic, and the look in his eyes is trustworthy.” Her response was a bit held back, which hopefully he wouldn't notice.

Cocking an eyebrow, his lips stretched into a mocking smile. His demeanour visibly changing.

”And you noticed it from up here, is that right? Brilliant answer, Y/N.”

Y/N's lips parted as she took a step back once she heard him say her name. Her heart picked up on pace, thumping loudly in her chest as she realized something was wrong.

Suddenly a loud bang came from one of the chambers, chaos quickly taking over the audience as people heard another gunshot coming from inside of the building. The stranger moved quickly, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her towards him, but before Y/N managed to react she was pushed aside, in a different direction again. Stumbling back she looked up, her eyes widening and her face going pale as she realized it was Mr. Shelby who saved her from the strange man.

As he cut between the two of them, Thomas' fist immediately made contact with the stranger's face. He was shorter, but visibly more built, his strength overpowering the other man.

”Shelby” He straightened his back quickly with a grin, his teeth covered in blood as he reached into his holster but not quick enough. In a split second Tommy groaned after hearing it, ripped the cap off his head, using the sewed in blade as he cut across his face.

Y/N took another step back, scared to death as she looked around trying to find someone familiar. The scene in front of her just... Kept going, nobody stopped the Blinder from turning him into a mess, features not recognizable anymore, looking barely human.

As a sob ripped from her throat, Y/N couldn't look away anymore and only when someone else grabbed her arm, she realized it was Arthur.

”C'mere, it's time to go” He said impatiently, pushing her towards the entrance but she looked back at Tommy.

”What about him?” Her voice came out higher than usual, tears still streaming down her face.

Y/N didn't even know when and why she cried. The whole situation was so obscene, the confusion racing through her veins was incredibly overwhelming.

”He'll be fine, we need to leave. Quickly!” He commanded, and she didn't dare to argue. Rushing to the exit, she noticed John was waiting right there for them. Nodding to Arthur they shut the door behind them, running down the stairs.

Everything was happening so quickly, a few Blinders were injured, their suits marked with blood one way or another.

Her lungs were burning from the run, tears slowly drying off on her face. Looking at her hands, Y/N realized that some of the blood got on her skin, and she was marked just as much as other men around her. The wind picked up, blowing hard and cold as she turned around and noticed everyone getting in the car. Before she could ask them what she was supposed to do, a strong hand clamped down on her shoulder, turning her back and a strong body pressed her against the Bentley.

Thomas' face was covered in blood, he was breathing heavily. Unsure whether it was from the fight or maybe running, but he was visibly furious. Almost crushing her between him and the hard exterior of a vehicle, she mewled in pain before his hand wrapped around her throat.

His eyes were completely dark, face strained in fury like she never saw before. Immediately cutting her airflow off, he slammed her against the car a bit harder.

”I told you to not fucking move!” He growled loudly, still wet blood from his hand coating her skin. Pulling her by the throat, he got to her eye level. ”Are simple words too much for your bloody brain, eh?!” She was completely pale, crying again as she tried to shake her head but his hand was too strong. She couldn't move. Paralyzed from fear, it was completely visible in her eyes.

Groaning Thomas pulled her against him, his lips crashing into hers forcefully. Parting her lips and shoving his tongue inside, dominating her in the clear display of power. He tasted like.. blood, the taste alone was making her nauseous, but there was nothing she could do. Biting her lip harshly, he made her cry out before pulling away.

Quickly taking a step back, he opened the door, shoving her onto the passenger seat.

”You asked for my trust, and now you will pay the price.” She heard before he shut the door so hard, she let out a choked sob.

Getting in the car, he started the engine right away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket.

Cry. There's nothing else you can do now

After Hours

Part 9

Previous part here

……………………………………………………………………………

How long was he there?

How much did he see?

Has he been there before?

Did he know it was me onstage?

What is he thinking?

The questions that she had no answers to were swirling around in her head nonstop, and as Y/N kept reliving the moment she and Robert’s eyes had met outside the club, she felt like she was going to die both from embarrassment and from the nervous anticipation of when they’d see each other tomorrow.

Of course, she was completely unable to sleep, instead worrying about how Robert was going to react, what she was going to say to him, and how this would affect them.

It couldn’t be that big of a deal, right? It’s not like she’d done anything wrong. And while it’d only been earlier that same day, she had told him she had another job.

As she remembered that, Y/N groaned and pulled her pillow over her head. She was positive that this was not the kind of job Robert would have imagined her having when she’d told him that.

But what was he doing there? In all the time she’d worked at Plume, she’d never seen him there before. Had he been there but she’d just never noticed? Had he seen her other times, but never said anything?

As she got ready for work the next morning, Y/N’s heart was pounding the whole time. Of course, the easy thing to do would just be to call in sick, but Robert would know she was just avoiding him if she did that. And despite how awkward it would be, she decided it’d be better to just face him and address it than dodge the situation. She couldn’t avoid it forever, and she prayed that it wouldn’t be anything that would throw things off between them too much.

She could only hope that it would end up being something they would laugh about.

•.•.•.•.•

“So, with the selection of our school for the grant, the Dean would like to recognize Fischer Morrow at the upcoming alumni dinner.”

Sitting at the large table in the boardroom, Y/N was only half listening as the meeting with the board and the representative from the School of Arts continued. The meeting began first thing in the morning, and Y/N and Robert had yet to connect.

Sitting across from each other at the table, their eyes had met several times, but Y/N couldn’t read the look on Robert’s face, and she’d quickly looked away each time for fear that he’d see her blush. She could sense a vibe from him though, and she was nervous, as he seemed to be…she didn’t know what, exactly, but it wasn’t what she usually felt from him.

He was very much his business self today, all authority, serious, a firm tone, and brief answers. She couldn’t help but think it had everything to do with the fact that he’d seen her last night, and she now worried that his opinion of her had changed.

It shouldn’t have. He knew her well enough to know that her working at Plume didn’t mean she was suddenly a different person, or so she thought. She just had to find a moment to explain things to him.

When the meeting finally came to an end after what felt like an eternity, Y/N’s heart began to race again. Everyone rose from their chairs to leave, and she knew she had to try and speak to Robert now, because she just couldn’t wait until later.

Fortunately, someone had stopped him to talk on the way out of the meeting, and so he and Robert were still standing near their chairs at the table as everyone else filed out of the room. Y/N discreetly made her way nearer to them, lingering close enough to tell when their conversation would be over, but not hovering. Her heart began to race again as the two men started to wrap up their conversation. Once they’d shaken hands and began to move towards the door, Y/N stepped forward, a little surprised that Robert clearly didn’t plan on staying behind to talk to her — she knew that he knew she was still there.

“Robert?” she spoke up before he’d made it to the door. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Why was she so nervous? She hadn’t done anything wrong.

Turning his head over his shoulder, Robert finally acknowledged her.

“Sure, but you’ll have to make it quick,” he said very matter-of-factly. “I have another meeting in fifteen minutes.”

Finally, he fully turned to face her, and Y/N took the remaining steps to close the distance between them, stopping in front of him. He looked at her not with the warmth he usually did, but with the chillier business persona he used when things were serious.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N spoke.

“Are you upset with me?” she asked him quietly.

“No,” he replied, but his attitude didn’t have her convinced. “Should I be?”

“Listen, I know it was probably a surprise for you to see me there last night,” she began, both of them knowing exactly what she was talking about, not needing to elaborate.

“A bit,” he agreed simply.

“Had you, I mean, were you…have you been there before?”

“No,” Robert lied, shaking his head. “But a friend of mine has been, and he’s considering investing to open another location. He asked me to check it out and see if I’d be interested in going in on it with him.”

Y/N nodded slowly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Yeah, I’d heard about that possibly happening a while back,” she said.

Robert shifted and put his hands in his pockets as he stood up straighter.

“So, when you didn’t want to make plans last night, I went there instead and finally checked it out,” he said.

Y/N shook her head and frowned.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to make plans with you,” she said adamantly. “But I had to be there last night. They were expecting me.”

“I’m sure they were,” Robert said coldly, his expression condescending.

Y/N frowned again. Her heart pounding once more, she could tell she was losing him, but she wasn’t even sure exactly why. Why was he so angry?

“Robert,” she began again, shaking her head, “I’m…I mean, I realize you must be wondering a million things, but I—”

“Can I just ask one question?” Robert suddenly said, cutting her off.

“Umm,” Y/N’s heart was racing and she felt like she was being interrogated for a crime she didn’t commit. “Sure.”

“Do you choose the songs you perform there?” he asked, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow.

Y/N’s brow furrowed, unsure where he was going with this.

“Well, yes,” she said slowly. “Why?”

Robert shook his head and made a face of dismissive judgment.

“Just wondering,” he said. “Obviously, you must have chosen them because you can relate to the songs based on…personal experience, right?”

For a moment, it was completely silent in the room. But as Y/N processed what Robert said and his implication, he saw her expression slowly change from nervous and confused, to pained and shocked. And then the silence was suddenly broken when the loud smack of her hand slapping across his cheek echoed through the room.

Robert barely had time to register the change in Y/N’s expression before he felt the sharp sting of her palm across his face. When her hand had lowered and he looked at her again, she gave him no chance to say anything before she looked down and pulled her planner out of the stack of work documents in her arm. Shifting, she then dropped everything but her planner onto the table, the sound of which echoed in the room almost as loud as the slap she’d given him had.

Looking up again, Y/N met Robert’s eyes a final time.

“I quit,” she said to him.

Then she turned and grabbed the door handle, opening the door and walking out without another word.

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I am become boop, the destroyer of worlds.

Can't wait to see where this is going! xx

F*ck Buddies

Part 14 ( more here)

Pairing -Modern Thomas Shelby and Reader

Warnings- 18*, swearing, violence, sexual content

I do not consent to my work being copied.

Feeling your happiness deflate, you turned to look at him. Leyton, your ex. Taking a step out of his embrace. He looked just the same, even had the same jacket on, was it actually painted onto his skin? He was a good looking man, yes, you would admit that. But, he always looked like he needed a shave and a bath.

No doubt, he thought he was going for the rock star look. He was in his thirties now though, time to smarten up, maybe? Your eyes grazed from his feet to finally meet his eyes. He was smiling, but it didn't seem a genuine happy to see you smile. It seemed strained, he seemed strained. Stressed even.

Had he ever been stressed in his life? You doubted it.

He was too laid back, had no... ambition, couldn't keep a job, couldn't keep a tenancy agreement. Didn't even have a car. You now wondered what you had seen in him? Your relationship had been... rocky. You were oil, he was water, you were fire, he was ice.

You were ambitious, liked to strive for more. Go on holiday, see the world, he was happy in his local pub. In the same seat, with the same friends... He would probably do that for the next fifty years.

"You look good, girl," he winked, eyes landing on your cleavage. Urgh, girl? Really? that used to give you the ick, it still did. You were a fully grown woman. Not a girl.

Ignoring him, you paid for the drinks. "Do you want something, or is this a general chit chat?" you eventually spoke, head tilting to look at him. Warily. What did he want? Money? Cigarettes?

"Straight to the point, as always. That dress is sexy," he licked his lips, raising a hand, he let his finger travel along your bicep, taking a step closer.

Grabbing his hand, you bent it back. Stepping on his foot with your heel, "Do that again, I will break your hand," you warned, through gritted teeth. Picking up the tray of drinks you began to walk towards the table. Hearing him follow close behind you.

"Thought I could smell bullshit in here," your friend Sophie announced, loud enough for him to hear. The whole table erupting in laughter. Hiding your smile, you slipped into the booth. Taking a long sip of your Bellini, it was much needed.

Shooting Sophie a scathing look, Leyton stood in front of you. "I need to talk to you, it's important," he stated, his tone serious. Unfazed by the glares from your friend group.

“So…” you encouraged him to continue, rolling your hands like you were wrapping him up. “Spit it out,”

“I … I not here Y/n, please,” he shifted from one foot to the other. "Just give me a minute,"

Pressing your hands against the table, you stood up. Irritated. If he was going to tell you he couldn’t pay back what he owed, it would be no shock. Once a loser, always a loser. As you walked to the dimly lit corridor with him. It hit you.

How different he was from Tommy. Tommy was successful, ambitious, determined. He worked long hours, had many business ventures. He was family orientated, a doting father. He took care of his body and appearance.

Leyton blew out a long breath, as you came to a standstill. He still looked nervous, sweat was forming on his top lip. Maybe he should remove the damn jacket. “Ok,” he began, holding his hands up defensively.

“I’ve, I, just need to.... I’ve,”

“Jesus, spit it out,” you snapped, tapping your foot. He wasn’t going to take up your time all night.

“I’ve got something, Y/n. You need to get checked,” he couldn’t look at you, as he finally said the words. Shifting from foot to foot.

“Sorry,”

A nervous laugh left your mouth, but you realised he was serious. He’s got something? What did that mean? Got what? A job hopefully. Still smiling, you waited for him to elaborate.

"Got what? What do you mean?" you quizzed him, feeling confused.

Reaching out for your elbow, he steered you further away from the crowd. "Chlamydia," he announced, like it was no big deal. Your whole body ran cold, you felt the blood drain. Ears ringing, the sound of the bustling bar fading onto the distance. No.. No...that couldn't be true.

No.

Looking from your group of friends across the room, back to him, you laughed nervously again. "No..., that can't be true, no, you.. you're not serious,"

"I am, I wouldn't fucking joke about this. I had to be tested, you should too," he stated, tucking his hands inside of his jacket. "It was fucking embarrassing, girl,"

It had been at least six months, since you last had sex with him. You would know if you had an STD surely? "But, but, I would know, I'm fine, I haven't got anything," you stammered out, holding onto the wall for support. Oh god... Tommy.... had you given something to him?

How would you ever tell him that?

"The nurse said it can be in your system for months, you don't always get symptoms," he shrugged. He fucking shrugged, the bastard, that was it, that was the last straw. You lost it, totally lost it. Dived at him, gripping onto him, trying to scratch him.

Hitting him over and over.

Letting all of your anger out. On him.

Feeling yourself being dragged away, you were ushered outside. Your friends following you. "Calm the fuck down," a voice warned you, gripping your arm so hard. It was the security guard.

“Shit, I know you don't I, you are Tommy's woman?"

Immediately letting go of you, he gave you space to calm down.

Tommy had just been drifting off to sleep in his King size hotel bed, when his phone rang. Groaning, he pulled himself up. He had rang your four times, and sent you five texts. Clearly, you were ignoring him. Rubbing his eyes, he answered without screening the call.

"Boss?" a deep voice said, he had no clue which one of his men it was. "Er we've had a bit of a problem your girlfriend was in a fight. We had to had to erm, we had to chuck her out,"

Tommy tried to process the words, "Y/n?" he asked, instantly feeling worried for you.

"Yeah, Y/n, that's her, I recognised her. I only recognised her after see, or I wouldn't have pulled her outside. So that was a mistake and ..." he tried to apologise. Shit, if Tommy had seen him put hands on you, he would be in the river.

"Mark, shut the fuck up, what happened?" Tommy asked, immediately beginning to dress.

Sitting on your sofa with Daisy, you poured out another glass of wine. Four you had downed, since you got back home. You were drunk.

"I broke a nail, the bastard," you slurred, sloshing the wine around the glass. Watching you from the open plan kitchen, Daisy poured you a glass of water. Your phone was ringing again, how would you even begin to explain this to Tommy?

"Drink some water, maybe you should go to bed. Try and rest," she suggested, sitting beside you. Your face with stained with mascara from crying, eyes red rimmed. "Do you want me to answer, call him back?"

You shook your head no, draining the glass of wine. "How embarrassing is this, Daisy? I'm gonna have to go to a clinic," you hiccupped, beginning to cry again. “A clinic at my age!”

A knock on the door stopped her from answering. "If that's him, you can tell him to fuck off," you shouted, realising how drunk you sounded. Head spinning.

Tommy could hear shouting on the other side of your door. What could have happened, to make you get into a fight with a man? And who was he? If he had laid on finger on you, this would be his last day on earth. He would see to that with a click of his fingers.

As Daisy slowly opened the door, he tilted his head to see you on your sofa crying into a wine glass....

"Tommy," you cried out, dissolving into sobs. Stumbling across the room to fall into his arms….

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NEED FEEDBACK GUYS!

Where do you think this is going? What are Tommy's intentions?

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part three

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I'm absolutely the worst. Another part coming in shortly

A/N2: COMMENT AND REBLOG PLEASE!

Y/N woke up feeling different than usual. The deep sense of looking forward to something was exciting. Was.. new. Y/N knew it was perhaps one of Tommy's games and not a gesture of kindness in any way, but the idea of going shopping with Ada was nevertheless exciting.

She woke up early, got appropriately dressed, and secretly hoped she wouldn't see him this day at all. It was supposed to be about her. Just today.

Only a bit before eight she went downstairs, slowly looking around to find out whether Mr. Shelby was still home or not. The Arrow house was awfully quiet, like always when Charlie was still sleeping. He wasn't a loud child, but his precious giggles were warming up the overall cold and soulless building enough to breathe some life into it. He was making it sufferable to live in.

Y/N was quiet, mindful not to wake him up as she smiled at the staff, nodding kindly while passing by. Hearing voices from the living room, she made her way through the doorways only to see Ada along with her husband, Freddie.

”Good morning, Y/N” The older woman said with a smile as soon as she saw her. The questioning glance followed after the greeting which made her chuckle. Before she could say something, her man spoke up himself.

”He would never let the two of you go on your own. It was either me or John and Arthur, so trust me, Lady. It's a better choice as it is!” Freddie spoke with an amusing drama and thick Brummy accent, making his wife swat him in the shoulder jokingly.

”He's not wrong” She admitted, sighing, and glancing sideways at her husband.

Y/N nodded lightly, smiling at the genuine contact between the two of them. It was refreshing and.. comforting, to see a glimpse of real love in the hollow walls of the Arrow House.

”It's okay. I don't mind at all” She reassured, gratefully. Her cheeks were rosy with excitement. ”I really appreciate the two of you taking me to the city. It's been... A while.”

Ada winked at Y/N before coming up closer and grasping her hands.

”Lovely then. I'd never say no to shopping with one of the ladies! It's the best time. Especially that we have a set of hands to carry our bags, indeed!”

They chuckled lightheartedly, walking to the corridor to put on their jackets along with the rest of proper clothing. Luckily, the day was nice enough to not need an umbrella.

”Let's get to it then” Y/N said as Freddie opened the door, gesturing for them to go first. Leaving the building, Y/N managed to spare one last glance towards the black, wooden door barely visible from the doorway. Mr. Shelby's office.

~~

The day was going well. Genuinely, for the first time in a long time she could honestly say it. Laughing out the tension which has been slowly gathering on her mind felt wonderful and the company of Ada and Freddie just reminded her how much she missed the careless giggles and fast heartbeat she used to feel back then.

Back when she wasn't someone's belonging. A selfish whim.

Buying all the gear was fun, trying it on and posing even more. Especially once they were done, and Ada suggested buying more clothes.

”We shouldn't,” Y/N said quietly, grabbing Ada's forearm lightly. The older woman rolled her eyes, narrowing them.

”Come on, Y/N. We're spending his money. The least he can do is pay for us!” She let out a laugh which held the mischievous hint, one she shared with all of their brothers. No matter how similar or different Shelby siblings were, they all had it.

She thought for a moment, feeling the unpleasant worry again. Her feelings were raw and visible in her eyes, fully on display as always.

”I don't know,” She said, quietly, stopping in her tracks. Ada picked up on the way her voice broke just a little bit. Moving closer she grasped her shoulders.

”I mean it. Plus, he literally GAVE me money to pay for our stuff.” She was convinced. ”Tommy is my brother, Y/N. He knows me well enough to know better than assuming I'd buy just the necessities.” Y/N shifted uncomfortably, searching in her gaze for the truthfulness to sooth her own anxiety. Looking in Ada's blood irises, she found it. But she wasn't sure just yet. ”...and Thomas loves everything about horses ever since he was a little boy. He's well aware of how much the gear would cost, honey. Yet he gave us way more.” This time her voice carried less humour, wanting to give her the comfort she needed along with reassurance.

Finally, Y/N nodded slowly, looking around and noticing that Freddie gave them some space to talk, stepping aside to smoke a cigarette yet paying attention enough to keep them safe.

Her gaze danced along the shops with bright and bold letters above the entrances, designed to encourage wealthy women to come in and spend their money. Eventually she met her friend's blue eyes again.

”Okay” She agreed, letting out a chuckle as Ada clapped happily before grabbing her hand and pulling them towards the luxury shop.

”Here we come!” She squealed and Freddie just shook his head with amusement, following them closely.

It took about half an hour to get her going. At first it was the Shelby sister who twirled between the alleys in the fairly big shop, touching and gasping over the beautiful creations. All kinds of materials, hundreds of breathtaking colours with even more breathtaking cash tags attached to them made Y/N feel uneasy, but with time... Ada's enthusiasm infected her too.

So they both giggled like young girls, trying dresses on, making funny gestures and blushing furiously as they saw themselves in the big mirror.  So unused to such a luxury, Y/N's eyes shone brightly when she saw the girl in her own reflection. So different from the one she used to see a couple long months ago.

”We're absolutely getting this one,” Ada said suddenly, ripping her out of the train of thoughts. Slowly gazing over the creation, Y/N let out a sigh, picking on the cuticles of her fingers. Looking down she swayed lightly, biting her lower lip, but before she managed to speak up, Freddie joined his wife.

”I must agree,” He said, keeping his expression serious before Ada elbowed him in the side lightly. ”You look like a real high class lady now,” He added, less formally with a small smirk, grasping Ada's hand.

Y/N blushed, so unused to any kind of male attention.

”Thank you. I hope he won't be mad.” The other part of the sentence was said quieter, almost to herself, but unfortunately all of them heard.

Plastering a fake smile onto her lips, she went back to change before they checked out, and got on the way as it was already fairly late. Clouds thinned one the sky, letting everyone see the glimpses of sunset kissing the horizon in a manner so dreamy, Y/N couldn’t help the little smile on her lips as she watched the whole scene through the window. Shopping took a bit longer than expected, as Ada planned out the whole day, making them visit all the ladies' favourites in the city centre. After coffee and sweet souvenirs from the local bakery, they took a walk around the better part of Birmingham before heading back. Around fifteen minutes it took, before Freddie was parking the car on the gravelly driveway. Sighing, Y/N looked down at her hands, knowing the great day was pretty much over now that she was here. Slowly, she moved to get out of the car, grabbing a few of the bags as Ada and her husband did the same. 

The Shelby sister noticed the shift in the air as she moved closer to Y/N rubbing her shoulder with a half smile.

“It was a wonderful day, wasn’t it? We need to do it again soon.” She said, before dramatically lowering her tone. “Next time definitely just us, without any of them,” She gestured towards Freddie with a chuckle, taking the edge off a bit as the tension loosened.

Y/N nodded, agreeing immediately as she loved the idea of having a way out every now and then. Wordlessly they walked up the stairs, greeting one of the maids after making the entrance. She took Y/N’s coat, hanging it for her once she realized Mr. and Mrs. Thorne weren’t staying. 

“Once again, thank you for the outing. I’m looking forward to the next time,” The younger woman said with a genuine honesty in her voice, revealing how much it actually meant to her.

“Anytime,” Freddie responded, winking as he grasped Ada’s hand once she hugged Y/N.

“Of course.” She added, turning around as they started walking away before stopping once again, “Oh, and tell Tommy you’re home already, will you?” And with that, they were gone. 

Y/N considered seeking out Tommy right then, but she was tired from the outing and wanted to change into a more comfortable dress to lounge at home. Once in her room, she was increasingly tempted by her soft inviting bed. As soon as she settled in her soft sheets all her new things still in the shopping bags became distant memories, just like the thought of making her way to Mr. Shelby’s office. Exhaustion overtook her tired mind and before she knew it, she fell asleep. 

Hours passed, and on the other side of the house, Thomas was sitting by his desk. A half empty glass of whiskey stood to his left, as he slowly sipped on it with no rush. He lost count of all the paperwork he’d done today and the end was still nowhere to be seen. Taking off his glasses, he rubbed his eyes which became tired from all the reading and writing. 

Suddenly the silence of the room got interrupted by quiet footsteps right by the door. Tommy glanced at the clock, realizing how late it already was. Without knocking the door knob turned as the wooden door gave way to a familiar silhouette. 

Y/N rubbed her eyes, as she walked in. Her feet bare against the cold floor which wasn’t too pleasant, yet useful in a way to keep her awake. 

He watched wordlessly, after putting his glasses back on. As she slowly moved from the doorway towards his desk, eventually slumping into the armchair. She avoided his eyes, feeling guilty with the unintentional disobedience.

So the silence stretched into longer seconds as she picked on the hem of her dress. 

“Had fun?” His voice cut the air eventually, seeing how she struggled with finding anything to say. It was hoarse from the lack of talking for many hours, even lower than usual which she found intimidating.

But on the other hand, was there anything about him which wasn’t intimidating to her? The answer was obvious.

“I’m sorry I didn't come right away. We were late, and.. And I was tired. Before I realized it, I was sleeping.” She said quieter, feeling as she was walking on thin ice that might break at any given moment, pulling her into the freezing, cold water. The stillness that never ceased to surround him was terrifying at times. To her, Thomas Shelby was a complete mystery. His way of carrying himself reminded her of a volcano, so still and quiet just to blow up with a never ending stream of force. So the silence was… chaos really. “I’m sorry, Mr. Shelby”

Her voice, so quiet and submissive, danced around his mind. Mixing with the whiskey he drank, twisting and moving in different directions and causing the weird stirring he felt. Something that started becoming familiar, dangerously enough. His lips stretched into a small grimace, not quite enough to become a proper smile. Another thing that made him, him. All the small things she learned to become aware of, cautious and deliberate while slowly walking between the mines in his head. The boundaries that were constantly in motion for any kind of comfort, making it impossible to learn their placement. So she walked through the dark.

“I asked if you had fun, Dove,” 

His voice came out soft, at least softer than expected which almost made her gasp in a way. Her eyes flickered up, meeting his cold gaze. His eyes never seemed to lose the ice, but every now and then the blizzard seemed more gentle. She looked at him for a moment, her eyes wide, moving around his features.

“Yes, it was a.. A great day.”

He leaned forward, moving a bit closer with a sigh. 

“It makes me sad that you don’t listen, Dove.” He started off, making her feel bad. “But I'm willing to forgive you, yeah? You didn’t mean to be bad after all.” His voice was soothing, smooth like butter, to which she nodded eagerly, also leaning forward, subconsciously wanting to please him.

“Yes, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry,”

The corner of his mouth twitched again.

“I know you are,” He sighed, letting his gaze drop onto her body. Slowly moving lower till the desk blocked his view on the rest. “You will start coming to my office again. Spending time with Mr. Shelby,” The words would suggest it was a suggestion, but his voice absolutely proved to her it wasn’t one. He told her what would be happening from now on, and she had to listen. Y/N remained quiet for a bit before clearing her throat.

“Okay” She mumbled in her typical manner. His gaze was making her feel almost naked despite the appropriate clothing she wore. Instinctively she covered herself a bit more, almost making him groan.

The little things she was doing. The pink blush dusting her cheeks as she squeezed her thighs together, along with the innocent body language caused the familiar stirring in his core again. Thomas sighed, feeling as his manhood grew in his briefs and skin became hot. Breathing a little deeper, he leaned back. 

Tension in the room thickened as the shame coated her mind at the way he looked at her. 

Getting up abruptly, she moved behind the armchair.

“I will.. Go to sleep. I’ll come to your office tomorrow, I promise.” Y/N stuttered out as she started walking back towards the door. Thomas tilted his head up, watching as her hips swayed as she walked. Letting out a deep breath he nodded, tutting.

“Y/N” He stopped her in a raspy voice, but she didn’t turn around to meet his gaze. “Don’t forget to take your bags from the living room,” Thomas added, picking up the still lit cigarette, as he threw it into the fireplace. She just nodded, twisting the doorknob as she left.

Thomas stared at the dark wood of the door, as his fingers wrapped around the soft material in his pocket. Soft, pink lace.

He could say a lot about Y/N, but he had to admit she had a good taste in the lingerie she bought. 

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UNTIL YOU COME BACK HOME

Jackson Rippner x Reader

Word count: 3.3k

Warning: smut, angst, comfort

A/N: I'll get back to writing more chapters soon. For now, have this oneshot. Please Interact and let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

“Oh god, Jackson!” Y/n gasped as soon as she saw him through the peephole in the door. Moving as quickly as possible, she swung the door open, pouncing forward to get a hold of him.

He stood there, his breathing shallow and rugged. White button up shirt ripped on his shoulder, revealing the bleeding wound. The material surrounding it was covered in crimson red. His hair sweaty, beads dripping down his face as he barely kept his blue, cloudy eyes open.

“Y/n” he mumbled, taking a heavy step forward as he grabbed onto her shoulders. She huffed as he put his weight on her, and with some struggle they managed to both get inside as she kicked the door shut.

Hundreds and thousands of thoughts ran through her head as she helped him to the living room where he mindlessly slumped on the couch.

“Wait here” she murmured, rushing to the bathroom for the first aid kit that was quite… advanced ever since she met him. Grabbing the necessities, Y/n quickly moved back to the living room, putting it all on the table with her shaky hands. He looked barely conscious and her heart was pounding like crazy as she took his shirt off to make sure that the visible injuries were the only ones on him.

He kept mumbling something every now and then but she didn't listen, instead she focused on stopping the bleeding from his shoulder and stitching him back up.

Breathing deeply, Y/n tried her best to get her hands more steady as she did her very best to ensure he'd be… better than whatever state she found him in.

Two hours and some tears later, Jackson was settled in her own bed, wearing only briefs and breathing heavily. She wiped her face while glancing at the clock only then realising how late it was. Jackson was completely out of it, and from the look of it, he would be for several more hours because of the medicine she gave him. The medicine he needed to ensure his wound wouldn't get infected.

Y/n was aware of his job, and it was one of the biggest factors of why she decided to never let their relationship move forward. Just sex, they said before. She couldn't afford getting her heart broken.

His lips said one thing, and his actions showed another, she thought. She wrapped her arms around his waist as she hugged his back lightly, her cheek pressing to his hot skin. Only for now, it was safe to do so. He was unconscious, so he wouldn't make a fuss about it. The closeness with lack of any sexual intentions. Intimacy. Comfort.

As expected, Jackson slept for a long time before eventually waking up, a little past 7 PM the next day.

She managed to clean up her bathroom and couch from his blood, getting her apartment to become squeaky clean because of the anxiety she was feeling. Y/n tried to be productive instead of impatiently waiting at him and biting her nails.

“Y/n” He said in a hoarse, husky voice before grimacing slightly because of the dryness and pain in his throat. Hearing him, she jumped a little, clearly startled as her book fell on the floor with a thud.

“Oh shit, you scared me.” Y/n said, with a hand on her chest as she eyed him quickly before getting up to get a glass of water for him, hearing the state of his throat. “How are you feeling?” She asked quietly after handing him the glass. Her brows slightly furrowed at his unusually pale skin.

“As wonderful as I look” He replied with a scoff after drinking the water and setting the glass aside with a groan.

“You were really hurt this time.” She started quietly, fidgeting with her fingers for a moment as she kept looking at him. “You’ve been asleep for over twenty four hours, Jackson. You—you need to tell me what happened.” She says eventually, crossing her arms over her chest as her frustration grew. She knew how unhappy he was whenever she'd ask questions, and Y/n liked his presence too much to risk losing him over that. So she wouldn't ask, not usually, but this time was different. It was too big to pretend like it didn't happen.

His pale, blue eyes avoided looking directly into hers as he let out a deep breath. His frame was tense.

“Don't act stupid, you know damn well what I do for a living, sweetheart.” He replied. “It's not always all rainbows and flowers.” The sarcasm smoothly made its way down his tongue, as always, seemed like. Y/n got used to the fact Jackson was fluent in this particular thing.

Hearing his tone her body tensed in a combative manner. Squeezing her first, she pointed at him with the other, shaking hand.

“Don't you fucking dare talk to me this way after I spent my whole night stitching you up, preventing you from bleeding out, and barely closing my eyes to make sure you were bloody alive!” Her voice shook slightly every now and then as she tried to stand her ground against him. “It's YOUR work to do… all that, but is it my work to always stitch you up afterwards? Why the hell do you come here since I don't deserve even a brief explanation?” She demanded to know, looking intently at him as she wrapped her arms around herself for some, much needed at the moment, comfort.

Jackson tilted his head slightly, raising his chin as he finally looked her in the eyes. His facial expression was impossible to read, as always.

But the one thing she was perfect at, was reading his eyes. Ever since day one, Jackson would always try to avoid eye contact in such situations. Even though his stare never failed before, and he was going through life thinking he mastered it.

Well, maybe he did. Y/n was the only one who saw more in his bright, storm and tempest filled eyes. So he'd purposely put a wall between the two of them. She knew him too well to believe in the theatrics he was so prone to use on people.

“Your apartment was the closest place I could think of at the moment. It's not that deep.” His voice was low and emotionless, husky from the lack of usage in the last twenty four hours but he managed to keep up the eye contact for just a few seconds before looking away.

Yet, it hurt her. Sighing deeply, she shook her head and made her way to the kitchen as Jackson slowly got up from her bed.

Looking around for his pants, he ran a hand through his hair with a groan. The one thing he could admit to himself was that seeing disappointment in her eyes wasn't… nice. It didn't feel good.

“So… when can I see you now?” He asked casually, trying to break the tension after a couple minutes, thinking that she just gave up asking him questions like always, after he'd shut her down.

The silence hung in the air for a longer moment, charged with unsaid words and buzzing emotions. Y/n was tired, visibly and mentally.

“Don't come here anymore, Jack. I can't do it.”

A quiet voice came from the kitchen, making his heart stop for a moment and his eyes to widen. Turning around he walked up to her, leaning on the counter.

“Come on, you're not mad at me, are you?” He asked, raising his eyebrows, not understanding the vulnerable expressions on her face, which she never hid. Y/n wasn't scared to be vulnerable with her feelings around him, which was always a source of conflicted emotions within himself.

With a resigned sigh, she put the knife and veggies down, looking up at him.

“No, it's… it's more than that. I just can't do what you're expecting of me.” She started, shaking her head a little. “Just—just fuck you, and then, then take care of you and never care enough to ask. I can't do that. It's—it's not me, I'm sorry.” The way her body language changed, the vulnerability and raw hurt in her voice made the annoyingly painful feeling gnaw at this one spot in his chest. He didn't know what to say for a moment before turning around and walking a couple steps through her living room. Anger and confusion grew in his head, as the only real emotions he knew so well. Hand tugging on his hair as he let out a humourless laugh.

“You don't mean it. We're just—just arguing again.” He said, trying to convince either her or himself, but the feeling of dread already settled between his ribs. His voice came out louder than intended, accusing even.

As the response didn't come, he turned around again facing her. Taking a couple fast steps he winced at the sharp pain in his shoulder.

“What do you want me to say, Y/n? We talked about it before, I— fucking can't tell you anything!” He said with sharp anger bubbling beneath the surface.

“Jackson, I said I get it! I just can't do what you want me to!” She exclaimed, her voice an octave higher than usually at his sudden outburst. She felt panicked with what was happening. With the idea of never seeing him again, and with what she was feeling at the moment. The feelings accompanying her were much more complex than she'd like them to be.

“Then why are you so fucking dramatic about it!” He continued pacing back and forth, not handling the situation very well, or picking up on the irony of his words.

Y/n raised her eyebrows with a scoff.

“Me? I'm just breaking it off, Jackson. You are the one yelling at me and running around my living room.” She pointed out, keeping the pain hidden away. For now.

He stopped in his tracks immediately as she called him out on the frantic behaviour.

“I wouldn't if you weren't like… this!” He spat out, his blue eyes filled with coldness and anger. The sudden motion as he swung his arm, caused the stitches to rip and blood started dripping down his arm. “Fuck!”

Y/n’s eyes widened immediately.

“Jack, calm down! Your arm!” She squealed, making him raise his eyebrows in surprise. Her hand grasped his bigger one as she pulled him to the bathroom, pushing him to sit on the edge of the bathtub. It was a fairly small room, with not much space after he'd fill it out with his wide frame, so without a second thought she slumped on his lap.

He sat here wordlessly, the combative facial expression still decorating his handsome face as she worked on the wound, cleansing it before getting to the stitching.

He didn't make a sound until the last stitch, when he suddenly let out a loud hiss at the particularly painful movement of the needle in his skin.

“Sorry” she said quietly out of habit. “You need to stop thrashing like a wild animal for the next few days.” Y/n added, concerned with his state.

Jackson scoffed, tensing as he looked in her eyes accusingly.

“Don't tell me what to do. You dumped me.” His voice was low and grumbly, still carrying some anger in it, but the way he put it made Y/n let out a giggle uncontrollably. His gaze softened slightly. He sounded like an offended child.

“As far as I know, we weren't together, Jackson.” Her voice was more playful than anything as she finished the stitching, putting the tools aside. Caressing the skin on his arm, Y/n sighed.

Jackson kept looking at her with a lump forming in his throat. After a minute he broke the silence.

“I don't know what you want me to say, but you won’t hear…” He started before clearing his throat, unsure of what words to use. Of how to explain.”—hear THAT from me, Y/n. I just can't.” He said quietly, his hands holding her hips, thumbs rubbing little circles on her soft skin. The silence settled in the air again, as she felt he wasn't finished just yet. Just needed some more time to recollect his words. “...but I don't want to not see you anymore.” He sounded weaker than ever, more… vulnerable. The trait she wanted to see in him so badly, making her heart soften in an instant.

Feeling the surge of hope rushing through her veins, she raised her hands to his face, tilting his head up so her eyes would meet his. Her eyes were– bright again, Jackson noticed subconsciously.

“You don't want to lose me.” She stated with confidence, knowing what he meant. Jackson neither denied nor confirmed, sighing deeply as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Say it.” She demanded, caressing his skin and as soon as he looked again, searching his blue eyes for anything that would show her she was wrong. She didn't find anything.

He took a deep breath, his fingers digging into her skin harder.

“I don't want to lose you.” He repeated, sounding like the words almost drowned him, but he knew it was a turning point. Jack knew she was – patient and understanding. It would be enough. They stared at each other for a longer moment before she touched his cheek with a little chuckle.

Seeing her eyes so shiny and cheeks blushed, Jackson regretted he didn't say it sooner. It took a lot, but it was worth it. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against hers.

“What's so funny?” He scoffed playfully, looking at her lips with a deep breath.

Y/n leaned in, kissing him in a way that took his breath away for a mere moment making him forget who they were. Who he was. A way that she wouldn't dare to kiss him before.

“Stubborn man” she let out with a sigh after pulling away.

Only then did she get up, pulling him back to the bedroom deciding that she'd force him to rest if he wouldn't agree right away.

***

Slowly opening her eyes, Y/n wiped her face with a yawn before she noticed he was awake. The admirably blue eyes looked at her halfway open with a smirk, and for a second she got mad at him for never staying the whole night before. The view was wonderful.

“Hi” She said with a chuckle, making him raise his eyebrow in amusement.

“Hi,” He replied, pulling her closer. Her dishevelled state made her even more attractive than usual, in a completely different way. It was a way that Jackson never looked at other women before which was a little scary, but well. He was way too sleepy to think about it now. With his own eyes barely open and vulnerable as never before, he let out a chuckle. It felt so easy at the moment, like he wasn't a killer without any actual identity. Like he had a chance for a life with the beautiful woman by his side.

Stretching with a groan he shifted to the side, being fairly careful with his injured shoulder. Jackson's hand landed on Y/n’s bare hip as her shirt shifted up, revealing her pale skin. She opened her eyes again, glancing at him as she heard the throaty purr coming from his mouth.

“Jackson” She warned with a giggle, knowing his intentions too well. “You're–” She started, but before she'd manage to finish, he flipped her on her back, hanging over her like a thundercloud. “–injured.” Her voice was defeated with an undertone of humour at his mischievous doings.

“Still healthy enough.” He replied, leaning down and grazing his nose over her neck. After two years of seeing only her, he wasn't able to prevent associating her scent with something– familiar.

Home

Pressed so tightly against her, Jackson felt the familiar stirring in his lower stomach, making him sigh deeply. His warm breath wrapped itself around her skin, making her shiver with delight. He leaned down, biting onto her neck lightly as his hands began stripping her of the pajama pants she was wearing.

She let it happen, until she didn't. Her smaller hand getting a hold of his wrist.

“In my way.” She said, turning her head to meet his eyes. “My way or not at all. Your stitches will probably burst again if I agree to do it the usual way.” She said with a voice that allowed no opposition. That was a voice he rarely heard, but the feisty look in her eyes was clear. She wouldn't bend under his will because she cared about his health.

With a loud, dramatic sigh he slumped on the bed, giving up. Seeing it, Y/n chuckled, raising her brows. Pointing at the tent in his underwear, she asked.

“So you need help with that or not?” Her voice was full of amusement and clear lighthearted mockery. Jackson's eyes immediately shifted to her face.

“Don't push it before I change my mind” he grumbled with a hidden smirk, making her laugh out louder as she got up, pulling her underwear down all the way before she straddled his hips.

Her soft hand began travelling down his chest, tracing every inch of his skin, appreciating the masculine firmness to him. The sensation of his muscles against her delicate fingers.

The air in the room immediately shifted, and Jackson's expression changed. His brows slightly furrowed, as he watched her actions. He was clearly confused, never touched with such intention before in his life. His muscles tensed beneath her fingers, almost expecting pain to come any second now.

Violence was all he knew. She understood it, but it nevertheless broke her heart a little bit.

Looking him in the eyes, she leaned forward, her lips following the path her fingers travelled. She left little kisses on each scar and imperfection she encountered.

Jackson wasn't sure what he felt. Whether he liked it or not, he was more confused than ever before. That's why when she reached the V on his lower stomach, still kissing, he rose up slightly.

“Don't” he said quietly. The atmosphere was so intimate and vulnerable, that for once in his life, he didn't feel up to being pleasured in such a way. He already let her do too much, Jackson thought.

Y/n looked up, meeting his bright eyes with her own. The tension and– fear on his face was visible for the first time since she ever met him.

Nodding lightly, she came back up, kissing him passionately as her hands worked on his underwear, pulling it down and stroking his hard length. Deep groans pushed past his lips with each move as his eyes fell shut. He looked more beautiful than ever, Y/n thought seeing him then.

Only the sensation of her warmth engulfing his manhood brought Jackson back, making him open his eyes and letting his jaw fall open.

“Fuck” he gasped, as she leaned back, supporting herself by holding onto his stomach, not forgetting about his injury.

His hands gripped onto her hips. Still sitting up, Jackson tried moving her on top of his hips to get her to move faster, but Y/n wasn't having any of it. Pushing him back, she leaned forward and captured his lips in a searing kiss while she sensually moved. She was in no rush. Y/n enjoyed every sensation the connection between them was giving her. The slow pace was making him more sensitive to their surroundings than the usual frantic rhythm. The sound of her quiet sighs and whimpers filled his ears like the most beautiful melody. The way her face gave away the all-consuming bliss she experienced from how he felt inside her, but also from how… close they were. Jackson felt like he was slipping. The situation was getting out of control as his mind started spiralling into the vulnerability, which he desperately didn't want to happen.

Looking up, he noticed Y/n watching his face intently, her mouth slightly open as she moved to her own rhythm. Her breasts swayed with each movement before she leaned down, kissing all over his neck while her hands travelled around his collarbones, caressing his skin.

Wordlessly Jackson's bigger hand slowly grabbed hers, moving it up towards his throat, wrapping it suggestively with a certain look in his eyes. Y/n knew.

Of course she did.

With a quiet sigh, she shook her head lightly, moving upwards to his cheek, the gentle touch sending shockwaves down his spine as she watched him with care and gentleness he never experienced.

Covering her hand with his own, Jackson sat up lightly, moving her closer. He didn't fight it anymore.

“You're so beautiful” He breathed out, wrapping his arm around her waist and capturing her lips in a deep, sensual dance as she caressed his hair. They both seemed to get lost in the sensations, drowning in each other's presence without any will or need to seek saving.

As Y/n squeezed her eyes, her body tensing on top of his, Jackson knew she was coming. Leaning his forehead on her collarbone, he followed right after. For the first time in his life, he realised that the way she held him felt even better than the most amazing orgasm he ever experienced.

…and just like that, Jackson knew he’d stay the night, and countless more.

Because even if he couldn't name or say it, he knew the reason why he would keep coming back.

***

Taglist: @lau219 @xsweetcatastrophe

After Hours

Part 14

Previous part here

..........................................................................................

Hey, it’s Jason. I got your number off Y/N’s phone. Y/N will be at Plume tonight. I’ll have a back booth reserved for you. Be there at 9:00 p.m., and I’ll make sure you guys have a chance to talk.

Upon reading the text message he’d just received, Robert’s pulse quickened. He hadn’t heard anything since he and Jason had talked yesterday morning, but now, his heart was pounding with the anticipation of finally being able to talk to Y/N. Had she read his letter? What was she thinking?

Rather than question anything, Robert was going to seize whatever opportunity he could get. Quickly, he replied to Jason.

I’ll be there at 9. Thank you.

Exhaling, Robert was certain that the next few hours of waiting were going to be the longest of his life.

•.•.•.•.•

“I have to tell you something, but you have to promise that you won’t be mad at me.”

Pausing, Y/N looked over her shoulder to Jason standing in the doorway, her arm stopped mid-air as she had been reaching for her outfit that was hanging on the wardrobe bar.

“Nothing good ever started with that statement,” she said concernedly as she met his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Moving from the doorway and stepping further into the dressing room, Jason walked over to Y/N and looked at her.

“It’s not a bad thing, necessarily, but you might want to sit down.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Y/N said, dropping her arm and turning to fully face him. “What’s going on?”

“Just come sit,” Jason said, and he jerked his head towards the two chairs and small table that were off to the side of the room.

Apprehensively, Y/N followed Jason as he walked over to the chairs, and she sat down in the one opposite him.

“Jason, what’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”

Pausing for a moment, Jason looked at Y/N as she sat down, and then he spoke.

“Ok, before I tell you, please just remember that what I did, I did for your own good.”

Y/N shook her head, frowning.

“What did you do?”

Jason hesitated for just a moment again, and then he continued.

“I went to see Robert Fischer.”

Still frowning, Y/N wasn’t understanding what he was saying.

“What?” she asked confusedly, shaking her head, thinking she misheard him. 

“I went to see Robert Fischer,” Jason repeated. “Yesterday, at his office.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat as she processed what he said.

“You what?” her eyes widened. “What do you mean you went to see him?”

“I went to his office yesterday. I went to talk to him.”

“Talk to him?” Y/N repeated back questioningly. “What do you mean you went to talk to him? You don’t even know him. What could you possibly have had to talk to him about?”

“You,” Jason answered, looking at her.

“Me? What do you mean me? Jason, what the hell are you talking about? What’s going on? What did you do?”

Jason shifted in his chair.

“I went to go see him yesterday, to talk to him about you. You were so upset, and I was so mad about what he did to you, and I just felt the need to confront him about it. I wanted to tell him what an asshole he was and to leave you alone.”

“You what?!” Y/N practically shrieked after she heard Jason’s response. “Jason, are you crazy?! How could you do that?!”

“Because you’re my best friend, and I didn’t want him to keep hurting you or playing with your feelings! And since I knew you’d never stand up for yourself, I felt the need to do it for you.”

“Jason! Oh my God!” Y/N said, putting her head in her hands.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Jason replied, “but I didn’t want him to think he could keep hurting you.”

“Jason...” Y/N said again, her head still down. Her heart was pounding in disbelief and embarrassment. She couldn’t believe Jason had done this. When she looked up again, he was looking at her.

“I was fully prepared to just avoid him for the rest of my life,” Y/N said then. “This is nuts!”

“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated. “I just didn’t want him to hurt you again. You’re my best friend, and you’ve been there for me through so much, from the little things to the biggest obstacles, like when I came out to my family. I was just trying to be as good a friend to you as you are to me.”

As she processed his reply, Y/N’s anxiety lessened slightly. As nuts as the situation was, she was truly touched by what Jason had expressed.

“Jason...” she shook her head. “That is so sweet...and so twisted.” She gave him the tiniest hint of a smile. “You should have just left well enough alone."

"Well enough?” Jason asked sarcastically. “I would hardly say you’re well enough after what happened.”

Y/N shook her head again.

“So what...I mean...what did you say to him? What happened?”

“I went to his office and I told him that the things he said about you and the stunt he pulled the other night were about as low as someone could get. I told him that you were better off without him, and he was an asshole who didn’t deserve you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened.

“I can’t believe you said that.”

“He was pretty surprised, too,” Jason smiled back at her.

“I can only imagine,” she said. “So, what did he say when you told him all that?”

“He agreed with me completely.”

Furrowing her brow in confusion, Y/N tilted her head. 

“What? What do you mean?”

Jason shifted in his chair again.

“Well, that’s the other thing. I may have gone to confront him, but he ended up having a few things to say himself.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked again, her pulse rising once more.

At that, Jason pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the voice recordings.

“He didn’t know it, but I recorded my conversation with him. I wanted you to be able to hear whatever he was going to say.” Jason then set his phone down on the table and poised his finger over the play button. “I think you should hear this,” he finished.

After pressing play, Jason’s and Robert’s voices could be heard as their conversation from the day prior played back through his phone.

She heard it all. Everything Robert said. His misunderstanding about who Jason was. His admission of overhearing her with Beth and his shock at finding out she did this. The fact that he went to go see her the very first time and she didn’t even know it. That he’d arranged the performance at the new venue in an attempt to have the chance to talk to her after she’d rejected his other attempts and he’d missed her at her apartment. That he’d been trying to apologize since the day it all had happened. And most of all, that he’d said what he had not because he actually believed it, but because he’d been so temporarily blinded by jealousy, hating the idea of any other man seeing her like that or being involved with her.

The entire time the recording played, Y/N’s heart was pounding. She heard the truth, the sincerity in Robert’s voice, having come to learn over the last few years exactly what that sounded like. And then she heard his next statement.

“Because I’m crazy about her; I have been for a long time.”

Then more.

“...but she means more to me than anything.”

And finally.

“I love her. I’m in love with her.”

After that, Jason reached out and stopped the recording, and Y/N could do nothing but stare down at the table, shocked at everything she’d just heard. Her heart was pounding, and she didn’t know whether to cry or scream or...even what. What she’d just heard had suddenly changed everything, and all she could think about was the realization that Robert felt the same way about her as she did about him all this time, and that apparently, everything that had happened occurred because he loved her.

Finally, after a moment of silence, Jason spoke.

“He loves you,” he said. “I’ve never seen any man look as desperate or remorseful as he did the entire time he talked about you.”

“I...I...” Y/N didn’t know what to say. She was frozen from the shock of it all.

He loved her. He was in love with her, and he’d done what he had in an attempt to fix things, to apologize. She couldn’t believe it.

“Oh, and here, you should have this,” Jason spoke up again then, and he reached behind him and pulled something out of his back pocket. As he handed it to her, Y/N saw that it was an envelope, and as she took it from him, she realized it was the very same envelope that had originally been attached to each bouquet of flowers Robert had sent her those few weeks ago, the stamp from the delivery company still on the seal.

“Read it this time,” he encouraged her, and then he rose from his chair and left the room, giving her privacy as she turned the envelope over in her hand.

Taking a deep breath, her hands slightly shaky, Y/N carefully slipped her finger under the seal and opened the envelope. Pulling out the piece of paper, she unfolded it and held it in front of her, immediately recognizing Robert’s handwriting.

Dear Y/N,

There is absolutely nothing that I have ever wanted more in my entire life than to take back what I said to you that day. If I could somehow go back and change what happened, I would do it in an instant, and then I would instead tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you for a very long time.

You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. You are incredibly sweet, warm, intelligent, compassionate, and beautiful, both inside and out. I have never known anyone as loving and kind as you, and all I could do every day was count the minutes until I’d get to see you and be around you. You saw me in a way I never expected anyone to, and every day, you made me want to strive to be the man that you’d want, that you deserved. Of course, I knew I’d never deserve you, but that never stopped me from wanting to try.

I want to apologize, to tell you how sorry I am, but I know that will never be enough. What I said to you is unforgiveable, and I can assure you that I’ll never forgive myself for it, either. All I want is to tell you how incredibly sorry I am, and that I need you to know that I do not, nor have I ever, or will ever, think those things about you. What I said came from jealously, and although that’s no excuse, I need you to know that I didn’t mean a word of it. The only thing I can do now is hope that you’ll believe me, because you should know that the only thing I’ve ever seen when I look at you is perfection. The only thing I’ve ever felt when I’ve been around you is happiness. And that happiness went away the minute you left that day.

I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, and I’m so ashamed. And I know I don’t deserve to even ask for it, but if there’s any way you could find it in your heart to give me another chance, I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness.

Whatever you decide, please just know how sorry I am, and that if I could take it all back, I would do it at any cost. You mean everything to me, Y/N, and that’s something I should have told you a long time ago.

All my love,

Robert

By the time she’d gotten to the last few lines of the letter, Y/N could hardly see clearly due to the tears that were brimming in her eyes. Her hands were still shaking slightly as she held the paper, and upon setting it down in her lap and blinking again, the tears started to fall from her eyes. Lifting her hands to her face, she wiped her cheeks as she tried to digest all that Robert had written, every beautiful line.

She could feel him in that letter, feel his sincerity and his remorse. He meant every word; she just knew it. Through his words, she felt the connection to him that she sometimes could swear she felt in the past. Only this time, he’d verified that what she thought she’d sensed from him wasn’t just her imagination.

Her heart suddenly felt as if it had finally been released after being painfully twisted in a vise, and when she looked down at the letter again, Y/N knew that it was always going to be Robert who could make her feel this way. Him and only him. This incredibly sweet man with a good heart who had always made her feel like she was the only person in the world whenever they were together. Who’d always made her feel protected in one way or another, and who she now knew had exhausted every possible effort to try to tell her what she meant to him. 

Y/N sat there for several more minutes, just processing everything, when Jason cautiously entered the room again, checking to see if she’d gotten through the letter. Y/N silently nodded and then handed the letter to him to read, and after he’d finished and then set it down, the two of them looked at each other.

“He means it,” Jason said to her quietly.

Y/N nodded.

“I know,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I have to talk to him, but...how do I even start that conversation?”

Jason shook his head.

“He won’t care how you start it, just put him out of his misery and talk to him.”

Y/N nodded slowly.

“You can do it tonight,” Jason said then.

“What? How? I’m about to go onstage in a few minutes,” Y/N replied, looking at him. 

“I know. You can talk to him afterwards. He’s waiting for you.”

At that, Y/N’s eyes widened.

“Wait...what? You mean, he’s here? Out there? Right now?”

“Yes. I told him to come tonight.”

“Oh my God,” Y/N replied. “Jason! I...oh my God.”

“What? You love him, don’t you? You want to reconcile.”

“Of course I do,” Y/N replied. “But I can’t perform knowing that he’s in the audience.”

“Why not?”

“Because! I’ve always done this knowing that it was strangers in the audience. I mean, yes, he’s who I always think about, but...”

She shook her head, trailing off. No matter the fact that he now knew she did this, Y/N still had trouble with the idea of Robert seeing her perform. It was so personal, and despite how much she loved him, and how she’d always done this with him in mind, actually having him there was another story. Her pride still hadn’t recovered from the ensemble performance. Imagining doing this for him and actually doing it were two different things.

“I think you need to show him that,” Jason said then.

“Show him what?”

“That he’s the one you do this for.”

“What? No, I...”

Y/N began to protest, but then, upon thinking about it, she realized maybe Jason was right. After all, Robert was the one behind all of this for her, yet he’d been completely caught off guard by the entire thing. And while that wasn’t her fault, it was true that he deserved to know that he was the man behind every one of her performances. If she did this for him, then she should show him that. And as she thought of the heartfelt letter he’d written her, she thought that perhaps this could be a way for her to finally express her own feelings back to him.

Her hands clammy and her body feeling shaky with nerves, Y/N looked at Jason then and slowly nodded her head.

“Go tell Dee I need to change my song,” she said.

She grabbed a piece of scrap paper and a pen off the table then and quickly wrote something down. Then she picked it up and handed it to Jason.

“Then can you go tell whoever’s in charge of the music tonight to play this for me instead?”

Looking down and reading what she’d wrote, Jason then looked up and gave her a smile and a quick nod. Then he hurriedly left the room, and as she turned and looked at herself in the mirror, Y/N took a deep breath.

She’d never felt this nervous before in her entire life.

•.•.•.•.•

After having shared Y/N’s update with Dee and also the employee in the sound booth, Jason made his way across the large room of patrons and to the back booths. He spotted Robert in the booth he’d had reserved for him, and as he reached him, Robert looked up.

“She read your letter,” Jason told him after they’d greeted each other.

Robert’s heart pounded.

“And?” he asked, his expression both worried and hopeful. “What is she thinking?”

Giving Robert a knowing smile, Jason replied.

“Just keep your eyes up there and she’ll tell you,” he said, and he jerked his head towards the stage.

After that, Jason walked away, and moments later, the lights in the room dimmed and everyone’s attention was aimed to the stage. Soon, the stage curtain began to rise as a soft, slow intro to a song began to play.

A spotlight was aimed on the stage center, and upon the curtain fully rising, Robert saw Y/N standing there, looking more beautiful than he’d ever seen her before in a drapey, romantic, fuschia-colored evening dress. His heart pounded as he looked at her, and, her hands somewhat nervously clasped in front of her, Y/N’s eyes were aimed down as she stood in front of the microphone as the dramatic intro led into the first lines of the song.

Sweet love, sweet love,

trapped in  your love.

I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust.

My heart and I were buried in dust.

Free me, free us.

You’re all I need, when I‘m holding you tight.

If you walk away, I will suffer tonight.

I found a man I can trust,

and boy, I believe in us.

I am terrified to love for the first time.

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I’ve finally found my way.

I am bound to you.

I am bound to you.

As Robert listened to the song and Y/N’s voice, he was completely captivated. Her emotion was palpable as she sang, and in that moment, he saw all of her beautiful warmth and vulnerability. Her nerves seemed to ease more with each line, and her face mirrored the emotion of the song as she continued, her hands unclasping as she closed her eyes and raised a palm to her chest in deep expression. 

So much, so young,

I faced on my own.

Walls I built up became my home.

I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us.

Sweet love, so pure.

I catch my breath with just one beating heart.

And I brace myself, please don’t tear this apart.

I found a man I can trust, and boy, I believe in us.

I am terrified to love for the first time.

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I finally found my way.

I am bound to you.

I am bound to you.

Every word of the song went to Robert’s heart as he watched Y/N, and as he processed what the message was, he felt the same connection to her that he had that very first time he’d come to see her, only this time, it was even stronger. He didn’t wish, he knew she was speaking to him, and with that, his love for her rushed through him all over again, the feelings he had for her and the message she was sending him making it almost impossible to stay where he was instead of going up to her right then and there and wrapping her in his arms.

Suddenly the moment’s here,

I embrace my fears.

All that I have been carrying all these years.

Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?

Fall.

I can trust, and boy, I believe in us.

I am terrified to love for the first time.

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I finally found my way.

I am bound to you.

I am, ohhh, I am,

I’m bound to you.

As the music faded out and the audience began clapping, Y/N finally opened her eyes, and when she did, Robert could see the shimmer of the tears that were threatening to spill over at any moment. His chest nearly caved in, and when she gave the audience a timid smile of appreciation and then turned to walk off the stage, Robert felt more restless than he ever had in his entire life. He had to speak to her.

As the lights came back up, Robert looked around the room, and he saw Jason heading towards him again. As he reached the table, Robert was already standing up.

“I need to see her,” he said to Jason.

Without a word, Jason instead just nodded, then jerked his head in indication for Robert to follow him. As they walked through the crowded room and towards the set of doors off to the side, Robert’s heart was pounding.

Making it back to the dressing room and closing the door, Y/N walked over to the vanity and gripped the edge with her hands, bracing herself. Her heart was pounding, the realization of what she’d just done hitting her again as she tried to steady her breathing. She knew Robert was out there somewhere, and she closed her eyes again, the barely contained tears finally escaping her as she released a shaky breath. In that moment, it was all just so emotional, and as she thought about Robert and everything she felt for him, she suddenly felt so alone without him there.

Leading Robert down the back hallway, Jason began to slow down as they approached a closed door to their right. Hanging back, Jason indicated to Robert that this was where he could find Y/N, and he encouraged him to step in front of the door as he looked at him.

“She’s in there,” he said to Robert quietly. Then he gave him a small smile and turned, walking back down the hallway and out into the club.

As soon as Jason had disappeared, Robert turned back to the door, his heart pounding. After pausing to take a deep breath, he lifted his hand to the door, gently knocking and waiting for a response.

Still standing at the vanity, Y/N raised her head and looked across the room when she heard a knock on the door. She guessed it was either Dee or Jason, and she quickly lifted her hands to her cheeks to try and wipe away her tears before she turned to face the door and then spoke.

“Come in,” she called out softly.

As Robert heard her voice through the door, he took a final breath before reaching out and grasping the doorknob. Turning it, he slowly opened the door, and upon pushing it all the way and being met with the sight of Y/N across the room, his heart pounded again. As their eyes met, he saw the surprise and the emotion on her face, and as he noticed the tears still shining on her cheeks, his chest tightened.

Frozen in surprise at seeing Robert at the door, Y/N couldn’t move at first, and when she looked in his eyes, her own welled up again. Her heart pounding, she released a small sob, and the tears fell again as she blinked and looked back at him.

As he saw Y/N standing there, Robert was still for just a moment, taking in the sight of her and trying to gauge her reaction. But when she gave a helpless little sob and she looked at him with tears shining on her cheeks, there was only one thing he could do.

Immediately moving, Robert stepped into the room and crossed the floor to her in three large strides, and when he reached her, he wrapped an arm around her waist while his other hand cradled the back of her head, urgently pulling her to him and into a kiss as he wordlessly brought her face to his. A tiny gasp escaped her just before their lips met, and as Robert covered Y/N’s mouth with his, he held her tighter, willing her to forgive him as he kissed her with everything he had.

Her heart pounding, Y/N could see the concern and the remorse in Robert’s eyes right before he grabbed her. She gasped as he pulled her to him, but as soon as Y/N’s lips met his, everything else washed away, his kiss and his embrace the only thing she needed now.

The kiss was deep, passionate, and as Robert felt Y/N kiss him back as she fell against him, he held her tighter, trying to show her both how much he loved her and how sorry he was. As he then felt her lift her arms and slip them around his neck, he was consumed with the insane relief and elation that he had another chance with her. She was forgiving him, she was trusting him, and she was giving him another chance. 

It could have been seconds or minutes – neither of them knew, and Y/N wrapped her arms more tightly around Robert’s neck as their lips connected again and again. Finally, she felt him loosen his grip around her waist slightly, and he slipped his hand from the back of her head to her cheek as he parted from her lips.

Reluctantly, Robert finally put space between them, not wanting to, but knowing that he still had to say it. Cupping Y/N’s cheek, he still lingered close to her, their foreheads nearly touching as they both opened their eyes and he looked at her.

“I’m sorry,” Robert whispered, stroking her cheek. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, and I’m so sorry.”

Still clutching him, Y/N inhaled a shaky breath, slowly nodding as he held her.

“I know,” she said softly. “I know. Your letter...”

“If you can forgive me, I promise you that I’ll never hurt you again.”

Nodding once more, Y/N softly pressed her forehead to his.

“I forgive you,” she whispered.

The final last bit of worry that Robert still had then vanished with those words, and he stroked Y/N’s cheek again, pulling away from her just enough to be able to look into her eyes.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said to her.

Looking back at Robert, Y/N’s heart pounded at his words, and the emotion she thought she’d seen in his eyes all those times before was now more obvious than anything, and, looking back at her, Robert saw the same in Y/N’s eyes.

“I love you, too,” she said then, a stray tear still shining on her cheek as she looked back at him.

Still cradling her face, Robert swiped away the tear with his thumb as he held her eyes for a moment longer, and when he felt Y/N lift her hand and lovingly place it on top of his, he knew that he had his second chance. And as he kissed her once more, he swore to himself in that moment that that was the final chance he’d ever need, because he never planned on losing her again.

@nyxxie-pooh @xsweetcatastrophe @vervainandspritz @febris-amatoria @an-eclectic-of-mass-destruction

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THE VAMPIRE DIARIES (2009-2017)