Shouta: Can You Keep A Secret? Vigilnate Izuku: Do You Know Anything About My Life? Shouta: No I Do Not.

Vigilante Izuku: Am I in trouble? Shouta: Take a guess. Vigilante Izuku: No? Shouta: Take another guess.

Why do my noodles smell like cat food?

TIFU

okay so I was sitting in the middle of my psychology class today, re-reading my own fanfic to look for any loopholes I may have missed when my teacher comes out of fucking nowhere and sees my screen. I briefly think that my life is over but instead of yelling at me he nodded and said that he "loves to read that fic" in his spare time. he said that he "really hopes that one of the characters is able to recover from what the author is putting them through" and I just sat there and nodded because WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IN THAT SITUATION?! he also said that the character I was going to kill off (for the plot) was his favourite because of how kind he was.

what do I do

I am once again, asking for life to stop.

I think I may be a great addition to this:

Me: if my legs give out and I start having body spasms just leave me in the corner.

Boss: I need to call an ambulance if that happens.

Me: if you call an ambulance i WILL run, non-responsive legs be damned

"Mr Stark, I don't feel so good"

Me, moments before fainting because i think its funny

Having a food allergy is so wild because what do you MEAN I can sense that there is peanut in this food when it doesn't say that on the menu? Oh it was cooked in peanut oil? Well I can still taste it and I will have a reaction if I keep eating it so-

Katsuki: What’s up guys? I’m back. Izuku: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die. Katsuki: Death is a social construct.

(This could also be done in reverse lmao)

Parents got confused and chose traumatised, mentally ill, disaster pansexual daughter who keeps watching bluey instead of coping

Parents got confused and chose bisexual disaster daughter who's cursed by divine powers she can't understand and keeps watching brokeback mountain instead of coping

Shouta, talking about vigilante Izuku: “Has anybody here had any contact with him in the last five months?”

Katsuki, who has been exchanging rants about their favorite shows with him daily and is currenly typing a new one: “…No.”

Vigilante Izuku: *Stubs their toe* FUCK! Shouta: Mind your language! Vigilante Izuku: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??? Shouta: Vigilante Izuku: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.