In The Morning My Coworker Asked If Everything Is Okay, Because My Face Was Sad. I Didn't Quite Understand

Because of my constant eating during binges and times where i simply was overeating my tooth enamel is completely damaged. And that can nor will never be restored.

My dentist straight up told me I have damaged it already so from now on if I don't stick with very strict, regular meals my teeth will be easily and quickly rittled with holes. But if I haven't been able to do that so far, no matter what. So now I'll just have teeth full of holes, feel constant pain and spend god knows how much trying to keep fixing em to escape atleast some of the pain. Just rip all my teeth out so I could not ruin them further and not chew at all.

I'm just feel sad and devastated. That shit by the age of 19. And for what? Nothing positive or anyhting of resemblance to even show for the years of straight up food addiction.

I'm so miserable all the time. Being alone, just in my room used to be my fun time, my comfort time, the time I lived for. But now I'm just miserable.

I'm less miserable in school then at after it ends. My days consist of wishing the current moment to end. But the near future is never any less horrible since im stuck in a circle of agony. And I can't get out.

This is supposed to be the best time of my life. But I feel like this, how tf is life gonna be like in the future. Worse obvs cause I haven't gotten better since I was like 11.

I wish my parents didn't love, wish I wasn't aware that me killing myself would destroy them. Wish I could just end me existence, at the end of the day that's what I want the most.

Just returned from an 5 hours walk. Every sounds makes me want to hurt myself. My parents just existing next room is torture. I wish to binge or blow my brains out, preferably both. Sadly I can't do either.

I wish they stopped talking, but I also feel so quilty that them just existing makes me so irritated and triggered. I wish I couldn't hear or feel anything at the moment.

I cant bring myself to do anything. I have so much to do, but I don't do anything. It feels like I'm incapable of everything. I just want to not exist anymore. Just not be.

Kinda crazy how over half of the life I live isn't even real.

A bot just messaged me, advertising a sketchy dating site. I might have attracted the wrong energy lol

What do I have to do to attract a yandere?? Do I have to summon them with a ritual, bring a sacrifice??

Would be fascinating to know how giving up almost every day has affected my brain chemistry

My life has suddenly become so empty. It was empty before, but I didn't feel it. Now I feel it.

Nothing interests me, i can barely even malasaptive daydream anymore, not even scrolling on media is unappealing most of the time. I do nothing other than binging and fantazising about him and suicide, both things I year for so much but can't have. Both fantazises so unfilling.

I hate how i have no brainpower in the evenings, the worst thing is that I have no self discipline aswell. I'm just a disgusting pile of useless and self sabotaging flesh.

I can't bring myself to do anything. I just keep giving up and failing every day, just again and again.