I Feel Tonight As A Being Wrapped In Old Memories.

happiness kind of feels like an effervescent state of being that is endlessly removed from me

i still have hope though I suppose

"you'll understand when you're older" is a song for early morning walks where it's a little bit chilly but you're not freezing because the sun is out

snow in the garden

sleep. who needs it? Not me. I am fully human and also capable of existing forever without sleep.

not this immortal being.

nope. not at all. never.

this is a dumb idea but here i am finally on here, ready to say some stupid shit lol

ive become properly toasted

bIG pog

often,

i feel like a lost sailor in a vast expanse of ocean. A tiny dot of an entity, in comparison to the hugeness of the sea. At times, waves toss my small dinghy, water pouring over the sides, soaking me to my bone. I lie gasping for air in the face of such great loss and pain.

Other days I can lay against the side of the ship, hand dangling in the water, and allow myself rest. Soft shoals of sand shimmer far beneath the calming ebb of the waves, lulling me to sleep.

Raising my spyglass to my eye provides little to no insight into the future temperament of the sea.

Sometimes I wish i could delve deep into the waves themselves. Find the tides and currents that I would ride to new destinations. No longer confined to my tiny vessel. No longer at the mercy of that next storm.

I wonder if one day life will allow for more control over my direction. My destination.

I wish to navigate this sea with the adeptness not only of sailors, but of the creatures that live inside it. I want to make this chaos known. As familiar as a home.

But for now i am battered helplessly against walls of water. Tossed from moment to moment, clinging onto my ship for dear life. Praying for the next soft day. Constantly at the mercy of the ocean. Lost without a will of my own.

I grow tired of battling for an inch of direction. Maybe one day I will know this sea better.

if you haven’t, i hope you fall in love with life again. i hope you wake up with a happy sigh, hope you feel like doing things you enjoy, hope you are surrounded by people who make you feel safe, hope you smile at yourself in the mirror.

ive been needing to say more words lately.

ive told my dear all the ones I needed to.

so now i shall say them here.

coalescence

heathen

fortuitous

darling

charismatically

prestidigitation

opal

conartist

preordained

okay. good enough for now. I’ll be back with some sunlight next time.

this is completely relatable tho

twinks fuck up me. cats consume me.