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Ahhh welcome back everybody to another installment of 'Rory writes a ridiculously long essay nobody asked for to shine light on characters who exhibit symptoms of borderline personality disorder so that we can learn to recognize symptoms portrayed in media that aren't just 'crazy manipulative abusive ex' and start to treat the disorder with a shred of compassion' !!
A good chunk of you follow me because of my essay I wrote on Reo Mikage from Blue Lock, my beautiful borderline princess, and I am PLEASED to announce that my essay is now the first result when you search 'Reo Mikage BPD' on Google, AND he has since been added to the BPD character database !! Saving the world one baddie at a time, no need to thank me B)
Today, I want to write something out that I've been dying to share. I think Aventurine can be read as a BPD coded character, and I think he would be able to cop a diagnosis should he go see a therapist (which we all know he CLEARLY has not done). I've been puttering around posting this because I've been spending so long on a full, all encompassing analysis of this sick blonde man, but I want to take a quick break and kick my feet over BPD Aventurine, so I invite you to come kick your feet with me!
Some context before I start:
1.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I've got the BPD / CPTSD combo meal, so I'm having TWICE the fun !! But seriously though, it's not easy being viewed as crazy and 'bad' all the time. Trauma disorders are rough enough as it is just to live with / overcome, but it's worse when there are books, forums, blogs, shows, ect. dedicated to hating you and talking about how evil you are. So, I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). Fans, characters, and even Aventurine himself refer to him as 'crazy' 'insane' 'unstable' which only further rang my BPD bells because he's not crazy; he's just traumatized!
2.) I’m not a psych, so I obviously can’t diagnose real people, and don’t use any of this to diagnose yourself (I don't need the scandal!) I do, however, have a masters degree in English and structured the basis of my education and published my thesis on mental health, cluster B personality disorders specifically, so I read and research a LOT. I’m confident enough in my knowledge to diagnose anime characters (lol).
3.) If you're somebody who has a weird hangup about borderlines, feel free to either not read this, or do read it and soak up some useful information! Regardless, I know Aventurine fans can have some really wild takes (/neg) , so believe what you want at the end of the day! This is just my interpretation of what's festering in that sad brain of his. You can disagree all you want to, but what we're not going to do is spread hateful stereotypes or perpetuate negative stigmas about BPD! That's cornball behavior and I will call you out for it ^-^
CW for discussion of death, suicide, self injury, and identity disturbances
Anyways, if you ask me, Aventurine has a case of Beautiful Princess Disorder, and I'd like to explain why <3 So, buckle up! This will be another long one.
First, let me define BPD: it's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. Though it's coined as a 'personality disorder', I urge you to look at it as a trauma disorder. People most often develop it when they are repeatedly traumatized during their formative years. It actually overlaps a TON with complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is why a lot of us baddies end up with both! (On that note, you could definitely view Aventurine as CPTSD-coded as well! I'm a stinky kinnie so I'll just say he's both <3) I won't preach too much on why it's so necessary to treat borderline as a traumatic stress disorder (since hopefully I'll be focusing my own personal academic research on that and I could yap for HOURS about it lol).
But when we look at BPD properly, it's evident that the basis of this disorder is that these people didn't have the opportunity to learn and foster proper emotional reactions. Because of the recurring traumatic events, sections of borderline's brains are underdeveloped as a result. They have a smaller amygdala and they have reduced volume in the prefrontal cortex, as well as other differences in brain development. I've heard it described as 'you were forced to learn some behaviors that helped you survive at one point in your life (for example, maybe fervent efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable emotional reactions, self harming tendencies, lying, mirroring, etc.,) but now you need to unlearn them, because they’re no longer helping you.' They're trauma responses.
Aventurine shows us a perfect example of the kind of shit that would make someone develop BPD: dude grew up in extreme poverty, was constantly told he was special and he was supposed to bring good luck, watched his entire family and race die in front of him when he was literally still just a kid, was kidnapped and sold into slavery, was forced to murder roughly 34 people while everybody watched him like it was a game, probably went through several other fucked up things while he was enslaved, and then killed his slave owner and was promptly sentenced to death for it. That's...a whole lot of ridiculous trauma that would severely impact somebody's ability to mentally grow and develop correctly. The bulk of his childhood/adolescence was spent with no safety, no security, overwhelming guilt, constant fight or flight reactions, learning how to take on other personas to avoid violence or mistreatment – you get the point. He did not have a normal life and it is absolutely probable that he would develop a trauma disorder from the shit he's been through.
So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a Borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:
1. Fear of abandonment
2. Unstable or changing relationships
3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self
4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors
5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury
6. Varied or random mood swings
7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness
8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights
9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality
As with my last post, I'm going to organize this based on the 5 immediate traits I think Aventurine exhibits most (you only need 5 out of 9 to receive a diagnosis, so let me cut to the chase and stop wasting your time w my yapping).
Aventurine has a habit of wanting relationships and then pushing them away once they get too close. He also clearly has trauma associated with losing people prematurely.
First of all, let's look at Aventurine's tendency to view relationships as transactional. With the expectation that a friendship, partnership – whatever – is mutually beneficial, that generally implies both parties will leave satisfied once the 'transaction' is complete. That’s his parting line in the game, actually! “Satisfied with our transaction, I trust?”
That being said, he's already prepared for people to leave when they're done getting what they want from him. In one trailer (and the game) he refers to himself as "another cog in the machine known as the strategic investment department" and then says, "Your humble servant aventurine at your disposal [...] I can also play the role of ‘friend’ – if needed; Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back if you see fit."
This is a very strange thing to say upon first meeting someone LMAO. He's speaking of himself like he's an object, rather than a person. Before the other party even says anything, he's basically saying 'hey btw if you end up disappointing me in some way, i'm already prepared for it!' Establishing relationships with the assumption that the other person will betray you/abandon you/hurt you in some way? Borderline behavior. God forbid somebody does try to break down one of these walls, we'll see Aventurine's second habit to avoid abandonment: pushing people away.
Something people don't necessarily consider is that ‘efforts to avoid abandonment’ doesn't always mean the person is on their knees begging you to not to leave them. It can manifest as someone being very flighty and purposefully cutting ties randomly/pushing people away from them so that nobody is able to abandon them. If you leave first, they can’t leave you, right? This is a very common behavior for borderlines to avoid the pain that comes with being abandoned.
The most notable moment of this, in my opinion, is when Aventurine tries to gaslight himself into thinking that Ratio really did stab him in the back during their ploy against Sunday. As we know, their fighting, bickering, and Ratio's 'betrayal' were all part of Aventurine's plan. When they leave Sunday's office, Ratio immediately asks if he's okay and if he needs help, and Aventurine is very dismissive/a little rude in his response. Ratio is confused because Aventurine is talking as if he wasn't the one who MADE this plan and TOLD Ratio what to do:
Aventurine is basically saying, "Hey babe this is not in the script we talked about! Let's stay on track, remember? You hate me, you betrayed me, and now you're leaving me!" And Ratio is like "Yeah okay but are you good? Because you don't seem good,” but Aventurine's heels are so far in the dirt at this point that he is NOT budging at all. When he's in the Trauma Maze, Future Aventurine grills him on this moment:
I get why this part confused some people; why would Aventurine think this when the plan was his idea in the first place? Because, he subconsciously doesn't want to get too attached to the idea that Ratio might ACTUALLY care about him or want to help him. He's forcing himself to think "no, that's not what he was doing, he was planning on actually ratting me out all along, he was only asking about my wellbeing to get in my head."
However, I think it's evident that Aventurine wants relationships/attention just as much as everybody else does, he just won't let himself have it. To further this idea, I think the lyrics to White Night (the Penacony trailer theme song) are worth looking at (these specifically):
I don't wanna be alone tonightOh, lead me with your altered signThere's no one else left for me to loseHeadin' to the other side, other side
I don't wanna be alone tonightI'll bring you to my best disguise'Cause you don't need, don't need to know the truthLet me rave forever in your life
The song is obviously about Aventurine when you look at the lyrics, but these lines in particular just further my point that this man does NOT like the fact that he's alone. He wants relationships, he wants closeness, but he rejects it at the same time out of fear that he might lose somebody prematurely again and doesn't want to experience being abandoned or being rejected for his personality (his real one or his fake one), which leads me to...
The shift from Kakavasha to Aventurine screwed this guy up REAL bad. A MASSIVE part of Aventurine's character, in my opinion, is his struggle with his identity/sense of self. I mean, he literally had to kill off who he used to be in order to live how he's living now, and he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Jade sums it up pretty well when Aventurine is sat before her on trial:
Aventurine joining the IPC comes with the price of...well, becoming 'Aventurine'. Since I'm clocking him with a BPD diagnosis, the identity disturbance would have probably happened before this moment, and I think it did. I'll bet it started festering after that first massive traumatic event where he watched his family die and tried to rationalize how that was possible with his 'good luck' (since that was really the only consistent idea he had about himself), and it probably only got worse when he became fixated on the fact that whoever tf he is, he's only worth 60 copper coins (did the math – that's about $3). That's gotta cause some massive identity issues. He's coined as this ‘good luck charm’, this ‘blessed child’, a ‘beacon of hope for the Avgins’, and somehow, he ended up in the absolute worst situation possible while simultaneously dooming all of the Avgins (obviously not his fault, but he thinks it's his fault).
When Jade tells him to pick a new identity, ironically he picks one that is everything he probably grew to hate after his childhood/adolescence.
Associating with the wealthy? The rich were the people who paid to brand him and enslave him. The IPC? Promised to help the Avgins but disappeared when the Katicans invaded, then came back and kidnapped him to sell him as a slave. Now he's both wealthy and a part of the IPC, and you have to wonder how he truly feels about it. We'll look into that more later. Regardless, he's not really 'free' now, even if he isn't technically owned by a master anymore. He's chained to the IPC because this is life now; this is his identity. Where else would he even go? What else would he do? (Die, perhaps?) It's not like he can go home, or go live a peaceful life out on the countryside somewhere. He made 'Aventurine' his entire life and his entire personality. On that note, I really like this quote from his third character story:
“The aventurine, that symbol of power and of the future, is about to be officially handed to him — Yet it would have no more allure or value in his eyes as soon he obtains it, even though he had sought it by putting his life on the line.
He returns to his office in a daze. The aventurine stone emits a peculiar glow on his desk, seemingly congratulating and mocking him at the same time."Was luck truly on your side when you wrestled with fate?"”
Did he really luck out with this one? Comparatively, of course, this is better than his life as a slave, but he essentially just traded his rusted chains for golden ones. Becoming Aventurine might wind up bringing him a lot more pain than it was worth.
Also, the outfit he chose? Covered in gold, fur, and jewels, all materials that somebody who knows nothing about being rich would assume rich people wear in excess. It's evident in his tacky taste (sorry honey I love you so much but the hat is just crazy work you look like a pimp) that he doesn't know anything about how to dress himself. And I bully him for being tacky but it makes sense! He dresses exactly how you'd think an out-of-touch billionaire would dress. Back to his sense of identity: it's very important to establish that Aventurine feels guilty about taking on this persona! That's all 'Aventurine' is: a persona. If he were to die tomorrow, the IPC would dust off that stone and give it to another bozo who would end up being the next 'Aventurine'.
While he didn't initially develop this personality subconsciously and it was a 'choice' to start playing this role (not that he had a plethora of alternative options), the perpetuation is damaging him mentally. He does a good job of keeping up the act, obviously. This theme that his entire personality is just one big act is overarching through the entire Penacony quest, but there's one moment in particular I really liked: when Sparkle is being a jerk and he has this offhand comment about how he's so frivolous, vain, and flashy, and how he'd hate to live anywhere where it rained since his outfit is too expensive to get wet.
Then, we have this interaction in the maze: Future Aventurine brings up the memory of him and his big sister playing dead, floating in bloody water to avoid being killed by the Katicans when they attacked. He mentions that it was his father's shirt, the last one his father left behind before dying, and that it was ruined. Aventurine says it wasn't ruined, and he's always kept it. (I wonder if that's the shirt he wore during his time enslaved?) Future Aventurine grills him and asks ‘why keep it? This new person that you are would never wear something so dirty and old. 'Aventurine' wouldn't want that old rag, it's not worth any money. 'Aventurine' would never splash around in murky water like that; he wouldn't need to.’ Nobody is hunting him, now he's the hunter. Future Aventurine makes the snide comment that he bets Aventurine wouldn't even dare to go outside in the rain, let alone do any of the things Kakavasha had to do, since he's so much more elite now. Aventurine, clearly hurt by the implication, says that even after all this time, he's never changed.
Of course, he hasn't. Deep down, no matter how much he tries to trick himself and everybody around him, he's still the same scared, traumatized boy he always has been. His future self chastises him for having an inferiority complex and mentions that with every gamble he makes, he has his left hand shaking in fear behind his back.
But the constant pull to push Kakavasha down and keep up this act that 'Aventurine' is the real him obviously perpetuated the identity disturbance in him and made it a hundred times worse, to the point where (as Future Aventurine points out) the hole he's dug is basically impossible to climb out of.
Because of this, I interpret Aventurine to constantly be struggling with his identity, not knowing who really exists under all the masks he wears, not knowing if he or anybody around him will ever figure it out. I imagine he feels very empty and unfulfilled, since as I mentioned in the abandonment section, he doesn't want to be alone. But the higher he climbs on the social ladder, the further he can separate himself from other people. This is a classic issue borderlines face. We masquerade as something we think the people around us will like, someone WE might like, but it always ends up leaving us feeling more empty than before.
(This is just an added bonus to chew on, but I got stuck on this line when I played through Penacony:)
Do you think once he became Aventurine and got the money and the resources, he researched toys that normal kids play with? Fancy ones like building blocks, stuff that he would have never been exposed to as a kid? Obviously baby Kakavasha would not know wtf building toys looked like, and I'm sure teenage Kakavasha didn't have the opportunity to browse toy catalogs. But, he recognizes the toy even though he says he's never played with them before. Maybe he considered buying it but decided against it, since it doesn't fit his new persona. Kakavasha doesn't exist anymore, so there's no reason to nurture that part of him. Anyways, just wanted to hurt y'all a bit more. Speaking of hurting ourselves:
I'm combining these two because my points kept blending together, so bear with me lol.
Aventurine is known for being incredibly reckless and putting himself in the path of danger over and over again. When discussing how he tricked Sunday with the Cornerstones, Future Aventurine asks:
I want to exaggerate how crazy it is (i can say that i'm also a bpd baddie) that he smashed his Cornerstone. I don't think a Stoneheart has ever done that before. Their stone is what makes them a Stoneheart. Ratio mentions that without it, Aventurine would be back to being nobody. Remember: that's what makes him Aventurine. You know, the persona that required him to kill off his former identity? Their Cornerstones are more important than the Stonehearts’ lives, as stated multiple times. But that's just it: Aventurine doesn't GAF about his life. He doesn't mind putting his life on the line to pull off his plan because he has that deep-rooted desire to punish himself for everything he thinks was his fault. He gets called out for gambling with his life multiple times during Penacony, and while most of the time it's reduced to him just being crazy (cough, bpd) or just having a severe gambling problem. Extremely hot take, but I think he gambles literally as another way to hurt himself. I mean, look at what he says when you ask about his hobbies:
"There's no denying it, my fascination is with the game of chance... be it the exhilarating rush of triumph or the extensive emptiness that follows, both are worth savoring, time and time again."
Being impulsive and risky, betting his life over and over – it makes him feel alive. He knows the end result will hurt, that he'll have to face that 'extensive emptiness' and the extreme guilt he feels regarding his continued good luck, but he does it anyway.
Speaking of betting, his bets are always 'all or nothing', seemingly every time. Future Aventurine calls him out on always risking everything with every gamble, asking:
"Do you truly believe the greater the risk, the greater the reward?"
Or...do you just not care what happens to you? He doesn't need to risk a lot; he's never lost. He could bet the lowest amount and still win every time, and make a lot of money depending on what everybody else bet. In fact, that would actually be a better strategy in gambling (poker/black jack specifically), because it would insinuate that he's not very confident with his hand and prompt the other players to bet higher, assuming that they'll beat him.
I imagine he gets a shred of dopamine betting everything he has knowing that he'll probably win, but hey, who knows? Then after winning and multiplying everything he has, I imagine that 'extensive emptiness' that he refers to is the feeling of 'oh good, more money. More status. More success. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'm stuck here in this role forever.'
For some reason, he also thinks that taking risks makes him appear more confident and secure. He makes a show of always keeping up the big bets and he boasts about how successful he is, while clutching his hand behind his back thinking 'oh god, is this it? will I finally lose this time?' He brings this up when he's speaking with himself and he says, 'How could a weak person take such daring risks?"
Oh, the delicious irony.
That raises the question, though: if he wants to die so badly, why hasn't he yet? It's not like he had an easy life. He fought very hard to stay alive, so why does he act so recklessly now?
I think at his core, he's scared. Dying is scary. His family is there in the afterlife; would they be disappointed in the person he’s become? At the same time, being alive is exhausting. The constant emotional pain this guy probably deals with every day? It's gotta be heavy.
His behaviors around suicide remind of a classic passively suicidal person with BPD: maybe they don't necessarily want to die, but they're tired. They don't have an active plan, but If something is going to kill them, they're not going to move out of the way.
So, carrying out his Penacony plan makes sense. Of course he’s not completely sure what will happen when Acheron kills him, but because he doesn’t have anything to live for, he’s fine gambling with his life. He makes a show of finally throwing out every last chip, too, no longer clutching them under the table in fear. He was fine with smashing the Aventurine stone because it's not like he was planning on using it after his final show; the little bit of power it had left in it was more than enough.
That being said, we do have to address this little number:
Aventurine attempted several times in Penacony, he admits it flat out. The writers even went sofar as to bold this line specifically! I think this does also go hand-in-hand with him being passively suicidal, since he's pretty sure he'll live when he attempts in the dream, but he's gonna try it SEVERAL times just to be sure. Mentally healthy people wouldn't try it... once, Aventurine!
As if we needed more evidence that Aventurine constantly puts himself in danger, you know I HAVE to mention...the light cone:
n case you haven't read the description for this light cone, let me share it with you:
"You don't believe me?"He (Aventurine) provocatively looks at the man (Ratio) before him, then draws out a revolver, empties its cylinder, and leaves a single shot in the chamber.
"Seems like I'll need to get you up to speed on how I do things if our cooperation were to remain amicable."He pushes the gun into his opponent's hand, spins the cylinder, and points the barrel to his own chest.
He pulls the trigger repeatedly, and the smile on his face remains the same after three empty clicks."Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."
Now what the HELL is this? Mind you, this is the first time Ratio has met this man!!! Imagine you meet your new mission partner for the first time and he puts a revolver in your hand and fires it thrice, then leaves. WHO does that? (...a baddie, perhaps!)
I don't think it's a secret to anybody who has spent a reasonable amount of time around Aventurine that there's something off about him, and that there's a really deep sadness running through him. There's some instances where other characters mention his passive desire to die – A few quick examples I can think of:
The instance in Story IV with Opal:
"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due [...] But isn't that what you've been longing for?"
Opal implies Aventurine wants to fail on Penacony, which, as we've discussed, is an accurate assumption. Jade says something similar after Aventurine's stunt: when Topaz says the light in his stone went out, Jade replies by saying "he got what he wanted."
Also, I’d like to point out that Ratio must have been anticipating that Aventurine would do something rash, since he wrote that note (doctor's advice) long before he started grilling him after the meeting with Sunday.
It's also worth noting the nod to T.S Eliot's "The Waste Land" (a very long poem about life and death). You get the achievement Sibyl, What Do You Want? after playing through the past of Kakavasha's life, and once you defeat boss Aventurine, you get the achievement She Replied, I Want to Die. I don't think that one needs an explanation, but boy does it hurt! (There's other, smaller nods to him being suicidal, like the Waiting for Godot achievement – Google the story if you're unfamiliar. Not as relevant, but I must mention it bc it makes my english major brain go brrrrr)
Also, overspending/gambling/being loose with money is a very common vice for borderlines to indulge in and harm themselves with. It's also implied that he drinks a decent amount. I counted 6 bottles of SoulGlad in his hotel room just from the angles I could see, and he's shown to be passed out at the bar when Ratio goes to get him before they go on their little date-I mean, mission. Aventurine says 'he must have drank too much', and whether or not that was true is irrelevant since it was a believable enough claim that Ratio bought it.
Borderlines are (usually) self-destructive in some capacity, and while some very annoying people assume it's for attention, it's so much more common for it to be because our inner emotions are just so out of whack. Sometimes, matching the inner pain with outer pain is a way to cope. They might also do it to try and combat-
Probably the most nagging, prevalent feeling Aventurine deals with is the constant feeling of worthlessness. One thing about this man? He hates himself. Like, really hates himself. Take a look at the missions during his maze in Penacony. This one is one of my favorites:
It doesn't get much more on-the-nose than him calling himself a selfish, useless loser. He gets stuck on that word, in particular. Loser.
Aventurine, at his core, views himself as a massive loser. Is that ironic because of how much he wins? Not really. Money and materials are just part of the Aventurine persona. He's 'rich' in stuff, but he's not rich in what he actually wants. I think it's obvious that if he had the option to quadruple his wealth or see his sister again just one more time, we all know what he'd be picking.
The only thing he wants is connection – connection with his mother, his father, his sister, anybody at this point – but he can't have it. His family has been dead for a long while, and as I discussed before, his fear of abandonment and his luck scare him away from forming any other relationships.
This luck, this destiny to be blessed, leads him to reflect on his life a lot and wonder what the hell the point is. He treats himself like some sort of walking curse, because he's convinced that his luck is bound to hurt other people. Every time he wins, somebody else loses. The luck that keeps him safe destroys everybody else around him. As Future Aventurine puts it:
His luck is "built on the pain of someone" else. This perpetuates the constant feeling of guilt, which in turn, makes him feel worthless. Why is it him that's spared every time?
Then, right before you start his boss fight, Aventurine says,
"The architect's flawed stone, of no value at all."
Some people speculate he's talking to the MC when he says this, but I can't help but assume that he's referring to himself. Even if it was directed at the MC, so much of what Aventurine says in his bluffs and boasts are just digs at himself. He's sort of an expert at hating himself, and what do people who hate themselves do if not project? Especially when you consider the fact that aventurine is actually a really cheap, undesired stone. It's like $3 a caret and mostly only used to rip people off and pose as jade. I really don't think it's a coincidence that his character is based around a stone that is, essentially, worthless.
The way that Aventurine is also prone to giving people ridiculous amounts of money/gifts can be read as a frantic effort to keep relationships going and prevent people from leaving him (relating to my points on both his feelings of worthless and his fear of abandonment). He has a skewed view on relationships, since the only value that's ever been associated with him is monetary value and that of his 'luck', which in every context is spoken of as an asset to benefit people he cares about. His sister told him that his luck was 'the most precious wealth' of the Avgins and Jade sees him as an investment that can bring her more wealth because of his luck, but he views it as a massive burden that ends up wrecking everybody around him. So how does he prove to other people that someone as worthless as him should be allowed a seat at the table? Deep down, he thinks that he's still worth 60 red copper pieces, and he's desperate to show other people that he's worth more than that now – even though he doesn't believe it at his core. With all the money he wins now, he can throw it at people and say 'look, look how much money I'm worth now, you want me around because I can buy you anything you want, that's a useful quality in a friend!'
(I did use the 'seat at the table line' as a nod to what his slave master said to him when they were discussing his worth: "Don't forget your place, slave. You're not qualified to be at the table." Which is, painfully, what Aventurine says when you open up chests! He scoffs and says that "it's hardly enough for a seat at the table." :’) )
There is also, of course, Aventurine's overarching struggle with finding purpose in his life. We see a lot of his existentialism during his trauma maze, but at the end of his trauma maze, Future Aventurine finally stops ripping Aventurine a new one and is vulnerable for a second, saying he doesn't understand what he's ever done wrong to have suffered as much as he has.
Then, when he's in the Nihility and he's speaking to Acheron, making the decision on whether or not he even wants to keep going, he asks her:
As I said, he has this conversation with himself in the maze as well, but here he's actually being vulnerable and speaking to somebody else about it: what's the point in being alive if we're just born to suffer? If nothing else, this solidifies the emotional struggle that Aventurine is constantly having. I also think it furthers the idea that he has this nagging sort of emptiness inside of him which is another BPD trait: the feeling that you're empty at your core, and you're constantly trying to fill it with things (friends, money, substances, whatever) but nothing ever works. You worry if anything will ever make you feel 'whole' again, and pair with the the identity disturbance? You're left with a constant feeling of despair.
These are a few other random thoughts I have, inspired by in-game moments but I'm taking them for my own evil fiendish BPD narrative. Take them with a grain of salt.
I think the stigma he gets around 'being crazy' is really BPD-coded. Separate from the ridiculous discrimination he gets for being an Avgin where people assume he's a liar and wolf in sheep's clothing (which can this man catch a SINGLE break jfc), he also has this reputation of being crazy, insane, manipulative, cunning, and someone you want to avoid, which is more rooted in his reckless gambling habit and status with the IPC. Living with this reputation of being insane and unstable for...lowkey no reason at all? Very BPD coded. I think Aventurine leans into that stigma to keep people a certain distance away, but it also just ends up making him hate himself even more.
Also, his entire mantra is "all or nothing", which always rang my BPD bells as well. There's not a lot of gray area with him, which is a key trait in borderlines as we often display very black-and-white thought patterns.
I think Aventurine is a borderline princess <3
No but actually though, Aventurine is extremely smart, witty, funny, generous, and very kind-hearted, and he also happens to have a lot of BPD symptoms :^) I don't think it does any harm to view him as BPD-coded; in fact, I think it's great to associate positive, fan-favorite characters like this with BPD because it helps to humanize us. Borderlines are not violent, crazy maniacs, they're people who have been severely traumatized and developed some unhealthy habits because of it. They deserve love, respect, understanding, and communication, just as everybody else does.
If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope I was able to shed some light on Aventurine and his Symptoms. And, as I do in all of my BPD posts, here’s your reminder to kiss the borderline baddies in your life and tell them they’re important to you :^) Living with BPD is exhausting and I know I speak for all of us when I say that. We try so hard every day to stay positive and regulated, and though rewarding, it's exhausting and very hard work. Nothing makes us smile more than some recognition that we're trying our best !!
Till next time xoxo (and shout out to @roxirinart for helping me edit this monstrosity mwahhh mwah)
9 hours, 10 minutes, and 13 seconds of work on just the cover piece :')
More about the AU under the cut
About their world:
They live in a technological city(think cyberpunk-esque) isolated from the world; no one comes in and no one gets out.
Citizens are led to believe that this is all there is to the world.
This planet has one supercontinent(like pangaea but not the same in shape and size + bigger). The city is relatively the size of the U.S.
They are all trapped led by multiple leaders(think of a co-regency).
About the AU:
Aventurine found out the government secrets about how there is a whole world outside of their city, and that the leader of the rebellion was originally used as a tool to keep the illusions surrounding the city in tact, among other things.
Extra: Halovians power illusions that make the city appear a certain way.
Caelus and Ratio are after Aventurine, kept in the dark about why, uncovering secrets along the way.
Sunday escaped and started a rebellion in order to save his sister and break down the system that preys on the weak.
Robin is still a singer, led to believe it's for a good cause.
The Stellaron Hunters are a separate organization, who aim to take down the current leaders to take the spot for themselves.
Aventurine isn't the only outlaw with government secrets.
Thank you for reading! I'll be posting more content for this AU soon enough, and they'll all be under my personal tag "what lies beyond the city lights." They'll likely be a combination of different things, like art, general discussion abt it, or drabbles of writing to build up more about it. It may include ship art, but since I am a multishipper most will unlikely be canon to the story(though this may be subject to change).
As a side note, I'll have my ask box open, and you can ask me questions about the AU! I'll try to respond to as many as possible, but keep in mind some questions may not be answered if I don't have an answer for them!
I hope y'all enjoy this AU, I have a lot of concept ideas and I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback. See y'all in the next post!
Let's just hope they don't find out
Edit: CLICK FOR BETTER QUALITY
Aventurine practicing his flirting skills
Do you think topaz also shipped aventio?
⁺‧₊˚ ཐི 𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑲𝑻𝑶𝑩𝑬𝑹 ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺
featuring. Aventurine — Honkai Star Rail | kink. makeup sex
synopsis. Aventurine used to be your partner in crime until he left you abruptly when a gamble went wrong, which he took all the money for, leaving you with nothing except hatred for the man. He makes up for it later on, but not with the money he owed you.
content warning. Smut, kissing, p-to-v, semi-dominant reader, submissive male lead, make-up sex, sarcastic banter, and more!..
The noise of the casino was a dull roar in your ears as you nursed a whiskey at the bar. It had been over a year since you last set foot in this place—not since that night when a careless wager ended with you being hunted and on the run.
You could feel his presence before you saw him—that arrogant aura demanding everyone's attention. Sure enough, through the crowd swaggered the man you'd hoped to never cross paths with again. Aventurine.
His violet eyes lit up in faux surprise upon finding me. "My lucky charm returns!" he exclaimed, sliding onto the stool next to yours. You grimaced. "Don't."
But Aventurine was undeterred. "Still angry, I see. Can't we put the past behind us?"
You glared sideways at him. "Do you even recall the past you're referring to? The months I spent fearing for my life because of stupidity?"
For once, a sliver of uncertainty entered his charming smirk. "It was just business, nothing personal."
Heat rose in your cheeks. In a swift motion, you grabbed his collar, yanking him nose-to-nose with you. "Just business?" you growled. "You left me for dead, leaving me to pay off a debt that wasn't mine to begin with."
Aventurine's smile is long gone now. And you took some satisfaction in seeing the unease grow in his eyes.
“You’ve grown awfully feisty,” he said, and at that moment, the noise of the casino faded into background noise as the both of you stared at each other. Aventurine's eyes roamed your face, lingering in a way that set your nerve endings alight.
You knew you should walk away; this man had caused you nothing but trouble. And yet, part of you yearned to make him understand and truly feel the pain he had inflicted so carelessly onto you.
"You're right; I've changed," you said quietly. "I'm not the naive fool who trusted you before. Now I see you for what you are.”
Aventurine winced, the barb finding its mark. "And what am I, pray tell?"
"A selfish, reckless coward who plays with people's lives for the thrill without care for the fallout."
He sighed, raking a hand through his golden hair. For the briefest moment, regret flashed in his amethyst gaze.
"What do you want from me?”
The open vulnerability in his question caught you off guard. Was this supposed to be an olive branch or a trap? You leaned in slowly, scanning his face for deceit.
“An apology. I want an apology.” you repeated.
Aventurine's throat bobbed as he seemed to grasp for words. You could see the pride warring within him—he who so rarely answered to anyone. Maybe this time he realized, how his reckless actions had pushed things over the line.
"I..." He began softly, then trailed off into tense silence once more. The urge to wipe that contrite look from his face and replace it was strong. Old habits die hard.
You raised a brow, waiting expectantly for what you were owed. Aventurine sighed again, steeling himself as his eyes met with yours steadily.
"You were right to call me out. I caused you harm without thought of consequence." His voice was low, but it carried an undercurrent of raw sincerity. "For that, I'm sorry."
You searched his face for any hint of dishonesty but found only openness laid bare. Maybe this was the closest thing to regret you would ever see from him.
A heavy silence fell as his apology hung in the air. Aventurine gazed at you, with uncertainty in his eyes.
"Your apology is a start," you said at last. "But words alone won't undo the past."
Aventurine furrowed his brows, pride flickering anew at the insinuation that he was not yet redeemed. "Then what would?"
Slowly, an idea took form—one that might offer the both of you a kind of closure. You inched closer, matching his earlier brazen invasion of your personal space. Lowering your voice, you replied.
"Prove to me your regret is sincere. Prove you've learned self control."
Your gaze traced his lips and his throat, lingering in a way that made the meaning abundantly clear to him.
"Here? Now?" He whined
You tilted your head, a half-smile on your face. Unless you fear you can't prove yourself, gambler. Are the stakes too high this time?"
Aventurine's responding smirk held a razor's edge. "Never, jewel. Name your game."
The dice were cast and your next play had begun. The both of you being all in.
Without another word, Aventurine took your hand and led you through the casino crowd, his usual swagger returning. The both of you navigated the flashing lights and clattering machines until reaching the elevators.
Once the doors closed, all pretense of space between the two of you had vanished. Aventurine pinned you against the mirrored wall of the elevator, capturing your lips in a deep longing kiss that stole your breath away. You moaned, threading your fingers through his golden locks to drag him impossibly closer.
Too soon, a cheerful ding announced you had arrived to your destined floor. Aventurine took your hand again and hurried you down the plush corridor, only pausing to scan the keycard at the door of the luxurious suite.
The lock clicked open, and the two of you tumbled inside in a tangled mess of limbs, mouths still fused together. You kicked the door shut and let Aventurine lift you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you to the hotel bed.
Gently, he laid you out amidst the silken sheets, hovering over you with hooded eyes that promised pleasure beyond reckoning.
"Now then," he purred. Aventurine's skilled fingers made quick work of the buttons on your shirt, brushing his fingers across your skin that raised goosebumps in their wake. You sat up to slide the fabric off and return the favor, letting your hands linger across his toned abdomen, feeling each hitch of breath under your caress.
Your lips met once again as the both of you rid each other of your clothes. Aventurine leaned back to admire his handiwork, violet eyes alight with hunger.
"Exquisite, as I remember," he murmured, tracing nonsensical patterns on your thighs and then drawing them further apart. His touch traveled upwards to the apex, that's now fully bare for him.
Two could play in torment. You rolled deftly so that you could straddle his hips, you glanced down at his need that pressed hot and rigidly against you.
Aventurine's eyes sparked with sudden intrigue, taken aback by your boldness in wrestling back control. You smiled coyly, relishing the chance to toy with him as he had done to you for so long.
Slowly, teasingly, you positioned yourself above his length, feeling him pulsing with urgency against you. But you remained still, drinking in his growing frustration with barely contained delight.
"Impatient as ever, I see," you said softly into his ear. "Maybe now you'll understand the torture of wanting and not having."
Aventurine groaned, his hands settling firmly on your hips in a silent plea. Ever the gambler, refusing to fold so easily. "Then proceed, my darling jewel. Let's see if you can best me”
His challenge spurred you on. Bracing your hands against his muscled abdomen, you gradually lowered onto his velvet length with a drawn-out moan. Aven's eyes rolled back ecstatically, though he continued biting back his release through sheer will alone.
You set a maddeningly slow pace, grinding your hips each time you were fully joined with him.
Aven' writhed, at each grind of your hips drawing sounds of pleasure and desperation from his throat. His hands clenched bruisingly against your waist as you continued the sweet torture, denying him release.
"Please..." he whimpered, the sound foreign on his usually cocky tongue. You smiled, leaning down to nibble along his jawline.
"Please what?” you breathed in his ear. "I want to hear you say it."
Aven growled in frustration and pride, battling his body's demands. You rolled your hips firmly, rubbing against that spongy spot within that sent jolts of desire piercing through him. His resolve shattered.
"Please, let me come," he gasped, clinging to you desperately. "I need you...I need to feel you fall with me."
Hearing the great Aventurine begging so prettily tore away your last shred of self-control. You quickened your pace, swirling your hips with abandon as he cried out beneath you.
"That's it; let go for me," you rasped, your own end crashing towards you in tempting waves. Two more rolls of your hips, and Aventurine threw his head back with a guttural groan, clenching impossibly tight around you as he found his peak.
The feeling of him pulsing inside dragged you relentlessly over the edge. You threw your arms around his neck to muffle your shouts of ecstasy against his skin. Wave after wave of bliss crashed through you, as Aventurine's hands splayed on your back as if trying to meld both your souls as one.
As the last waves of euphoria washed over the two of you Aventurine’s hands gently traced soothing patterns up and down your back. You lay breathless against his chest, savoring the peaceful afterglow.
Aventurine pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. “Let's do it one more time.” “I believe I haven't redeemed myself just yet..”
© yammpi3 2024. All work belongs to @yammpi3. You can repost if you want to support my blog/writing! Please don't modify, translate, or plagiarize in any way on ANY platform.
`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹
Wont you take me from here, dear Knight?
Double Indemnity
A bit of muscle practice
TW for top sc@ars
I FINIIISHEED (CW! Eyestrain) (please don't flop)
If you think Ratio's eyes change shape on every drawing - no you don't.
I honestly gave up at the end, I got tired of drawing this thing ;; But I finished in time for Aventurine, so good luck to everyone who's pulling for him! (I have a guarantee and then savings for Boothill mwehehe)
I'm surprised that I managed to turn an in-game joke into a very OOC Ratio comic (idk if hes OOC u tell me I cannot comprehend anything anymore)
Edit: Fixed the shading issue fr this time <3
Anyway the Sunday panel under the cut because I really enjoyed drawing it (CW!Eyestrain)
He turned out great. Can you tell I don't like Sunday much?
Also why did I draw it all in one file? Who knows, not me.
Aventurine lovers, fellas
How are we feeling about this song
I feel like it suits the boi very well :з
Feeling like dropping some somewhat recent unfinished stuff cuz that ratiorine drawing is looking rough, might take somewhat long 🥹
And also my first Ratiorine thing I wanted to do but the song just didn't really sit with these two, rip (Måneskin - Off My Face)
Or maybe it does fit and I should just continue with it, u tell me
2.1 spoilers
-ominous piano starts playing-
First thing that came to mind when playing thru this part fr. When the persona brainrot morphs with the hsr brainrot things like this are meant to happen. So silly doodle it is.
Transcript cuz my handwriting sucks:
Future Aventurine: I am your shadow, your true self.
Aventurine: Nuh-uh.
F. A.: Fuck you mean "nuh-uh"?!
Sometimes I want to draw something hot 🔥
And, yes, a small part of the game gives me this pretty idea. I don't regret anything.
MY AVENTURINE DRAWING IS FINISHED HE’S SO PRETTY
Pretty Aventurine doodle💚
I always draw him cute/blushy so I wanted to try drawing him whimsical this time lol
I’m back from vacation!! I got sick & recovered also😭 I’ll be continuing comms, so draw box will be much slowly answered🧎♀️
You can still chat with me using the box if you’d like!
drew an aventurine doodle in my notebook instead of doing chemistry. got lucky and won the 50/50. transferred it to digital and got his light cone.
It may not look fantastic because it was in fact, a tiny doodle in my notebook but I guess aventurine is happy with it it looks like
FINISHED WOOOO
CRANKING EVEN HARDER IM SO CLOSE
WHOOPS IM CUTTING IT CLOSE FOR MULTIVERSE VISTAS IM GONNA HAVE TO GRIND THIS OUT
more progress im absolutely cranking
WHOOPS IM CUTTING IT CLOSE FOR MULTIVERSE VISTAS IM GONNA HAVE TO GRIND THIS OUT
WHOOPS IM CUTTING IT CLOSE FOR MULTIVERSE VISTAS IM GONNA HAVE TO GRIND THIS OUT