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Your eyes are the sky. Your voice is the earth. And your hug is what keeps me grounded.
Before you left
I'd like to say that I'm alive. But I can't. I feel more like a ghost as I walk through the halls, my touch barely changing anything as I go past. My voice only a whisper in the wind as I yell for help out of the repeating hell. Because to be alive, you just be doing something extraordinary. Otherwise, you become something of a shadow left to watch as everyone forgets about you.
I'd love to feel alive
I doubt you realize how easy it was for you to make a home in my heart. To make me feel as if you were all that I needed. Now here I am, with blood on my chest and my heart in my hands that you so easily ripped out. And what hurt the most isn't that my heart was torn out. It was that you knew how easy it would be to do just that.
You've made me numb
In the darkness of night I swear I can feel you next to me. It breaks my heart when I wake up only to see a half empty bed and the tear stains I made when you left. It hurts even more knowing I won't hear from you for months. Don't forget what you've left behind.
Stay safe at boot camp
I put it to my head and pulled the trigger. I should have listened when they said love was a dangerous thing.
Love is a different death
I’ve wished on every star, but nothing has come true. I’ve wished for you every 11:11, but yet you’re still just as out of reach as before. I’ve wished on every eye lash and every dandelion, but yet you’re still one thousand miles away. And I’m still right here. Alone, withering away with the last weed I wished upon.
I’d call them flowers, but they’re damned
Would you still love me knowing you could never make me happy? Or is that too much to ask for?
Six feet under
I hate that I need constant reassurance that you actually like me. I hate that I always feel like a burden. I hate that I say stupid things. I hate that I can’t take them back. I hate that I hate myself. But I love that you don’t hate me.
I can safely say that I don’t hate you too
You help me see the world in color.
Before, it was all black and white
I’m sorry if I seem distant. I’m sorry that I keep apologizing about the little things I do. I’m sorry that sometimes I stumble over my words when I know what I want to say. I’m sorry that you had to order food for me sometimes because I was afraid to speak to the waiter. I’m sorry that I made this situation more awkward than it should have been. I’m sorry that I made whatever we had weird. I’m sorry that we became so close. I’m sorry that I upset you because you couldn’t make me happy anymore. I’m sorry that my mind decided to close itself off to you. I’m sorry that this bottle of pills is the only thing standing between me and happiness.
I’m sorry that I ruined you
In the blink of an eye I could lose you. I hope and pray that I won’t, but those eyes and that personality will get you so many girls. So many girls that can give you the love that I can’t. Even though I can’t influence your feelings towards me, I want to stay close. Because to me, being too close is better than watching you slip right through my fingers into another girl’s arms.
What I've realized when I was at your house
Maybe I shouldn’t be so naive to think that I could have a chance with you. My best friend.
You always respond to my snapchats
I don't know how to tell you that you're perfect without seeming like I'm some asshole who doesn't know the difference between the book definition and someone who knows what true beauty is. But that's what you are. Perfect. Not the book description, you are the picture of beauty in my mind. You think you're not perfect but you are. And I hope you can understand that this is the truth and that whatever anyone else tells you and if it drags you down, they are wrong. You are perfect.
- because you asked me to describe something indescribable
I love the wind bringing me along with it was my feet and legs work together with my arms, turning over at a rate so fast it acts as my own heart beat. Pain that will only last for at least 20 minutes welcomes me in a strong embrace that I will kindly welcome, leaving the door open as long as it will come and go. I work for that pain so I can receive the pride of winning personal battles. Personal records will always come and go, but running will always be my one true love. For it works with my whole body, it tells me that it loves me, giving good days with good runs. Others I will get scolded for even trying to put on spikes that many other great runners have worn before, because my time is not now and will not happen. I must be ready to achieve the level of greatness that my love wants for me. My love makes me a lion, a hunter, but also a gazelle, gracefully adapted to what I know to do. My first love will give me gifts, perseverance and stamina to complete my goals, because he only wants the best for me. But he will also make my days difficult and proud. Giving me reason to continue going ahead. To continue to love him.
Why I run
How do I get you to notice me and my feelings? How do I get you to see how hard I've fallen? And how in the hell will I know if you've fallen just as hard for me if you do everything you can to conceal it?
When you say we aren't friends while smiling. I know you're lying
How do I get myself to not fall for you? You with the messy hair and kind eyes, and the mouth that spouts so much sarcasm. You, also with the kindness to respond to my text messages and make me happy even when you don't realize it. So tell me, how do I not fall for you? And why was it so easy to in the first place?
Before practice when I sit with you and our friends
I'm going to be happy for you. Even if you go to her. I don't mind. I want to be happy even if you're being happy isn't with me. Because obviously I cannot bring you the same happiness you get when you are with her.
I'll pretend to be glad
I wonder if anyone looks at me when I'm not looking. Not the 'staring-off-into-space' look, but the 'I-want-her-to-be-with-me' look. I wonder if I've caught anyone looking at me like that but they played it off. I wonder if there are people who do in that I've never caught. But I guess I can deal with the mystery.
I just hope you do that too
Just when I think I'm over it I'm not. I don't feel anything for you until I see your smile. God that smile. I'm not over you, but I'll pretend I am. I'll pretend I'm fine. I'll pretend that I'm alright, but I'm not.
I'm such an idiot
Am I happy? Yet another difficult question. Of course I'm going to lie when I'm not. I'll always say I'm happy, just so no one worries. So no one who is happy has to deal with my darkness. I just hope one day you'll see I'm crying help with my actions, not my words. I just hope someone knows me well enough to see through my lies.
But I'll gladly be happy for you
Can everything stop? Not forever, just for a few minutes. Just a few minutes to sort out my life. A few minutes to let out my frustrations without anyone having to know. A few minutes to just be happy. Because once they are over I won’t be ready to face the reality I live in. Can everything stop? I need a few minutes.
Things I won't tell anymore
I never thought missing someone could hurt so much. Then I lost you.
I'll be fine
Why me? Why now? Why this? Why me? Out of all the other girls who would pay to have you attention for even a minute you chose me, someone who never came to you to seek any. I’ve admired you for a while but you never felt the same way, so why now? I have so many questions in my mind about why you have taken an interest in me, but I won’t get a straight answer even if I asked. So I’ll wait until we get close to ask. But before we do anything…. Why this?
I don't know what to think
All of the sad songs make me think of you. But that's a part of all break ups. And even when I think I'm over you I hear that one song and all the feelings come back. And then I'm at square one all over again. It's such a vicious cycle that I was pulled into and can't seem to pull myself out of.
- I haven't cried... Yet