Physical Disability - Blog Posts

people dont understand the boredom of being disabled.

i see a lot of people suggest to people to embrace boredom and creativity will come from it. that to improve your attention span and get your life back from the trap that is quick form media you need to be bored more.

but i dont think that is the case for many disabled people.

its not the case for me.

i am SO bored. EVERY day. i cannot do all the things i want to engage in. i cannot play games i cannot read i cannot do art i cannot bake. these things arent being stopped by a social media addiction, they are being stopped by my health.

and my attention span isnt struggling for the same reasons as many abled people. mine struggles because of my symptoms. my fatigue, my pain, they are distracting and fog my brain.

so disabled people, when youre looking for tips about how to improve your attention span, and engage in your hobbies more, keep in mind that the reason for your struggles may be completely different to the people who are sharing suggestions and tips on the topic.

i want my life back fuck being ill.

its hard to think about world issues when most of my world is just trying to deal with my health.

my world feels so complicated and big and demanding and exhausting.

and then trying to think about the 8 billion other people living lives.. many in countries where there are political wars or genocide or severe environmental damage etc.

its overwhelming.

really struggling with this atm.

ive lost all the strength i fought so hard for the past two years. it doesnt seem fair that it can all be taken away so fast.

im exhausted. trying is exhausting.

disabled consistency prt. 2 prt. 1 here (u dont need to read it to understand this post)

what happens to consistency, to habits, when you have a dynamic disability?

i want us to understand the differences between having a consistent body and having an ever changing one. sometimes you could be so healthy you are working/studying, exercising a few times a week, socialising, and independently caring for yourself. but other times.. you’re bedbound? can’t even shower and brush your teeth twice a day? can’t keep up with texting your friends or social media? what habit is surviving that.

you work so hard to build habits and follow routines you and your doctors have set, and then you achieve it, but then it all gets taken away in a flare-up. you wonder what the point is. its a constant vicious cycle. even abled people know its hard to build habits. it takes time. and you might not have that time.

for abled people, theres no time limit on building a habit. they might have a goal in mind of when they want to achieve it, but theres no actual clock ticking in the background.

for me, and for other dynamically disabled people, we are on a time crunch. you may not be aware of it, but you are. it’s always a race to get things done while you can, build those habits and routines and get consistent and get your life together while you can. because even if you’re not thinking it, you are living on a countdown until your next flare-up. until the next crash, the next time you lose all your progress.

and that cycle, is exhausting. it’s like building a sandcastle right on the shore. you build it and you get to revel in it for a second. then it’s gone. there may be a little bump in the sand where your hard work had just stood, but essentially, you are starting from scratch. while the abled people are up the beach a few metres and their sand is perfectly wet and perfectly dry and the waves never reach it.

then those same people, tell you to just keep building. “eventually you’ll get there!” “keep trying!” “habits take time!” they say. but how? there will always be another wave.

understanding this difference in experience is so important if you want to understand why you can’t just tell a disabled person to form habits or be consistent and expect results.

disabled people!!!

what are some illnesses/disabilities that youve never seen representation for and would love to see?

let me know in replies reblogs asks messages whatever suits you :3

being unattractive or physically different/disabled DOES NOT equal being morally bad/evil. there is an atrocious amount of ableism that occurs when someone doesn’t look “normal.” and i am so fucking sick of it.

in media it is (almost) always the villains who are different/disabled. and media is a massive part of how people form their world views.

i want to mention arcane for example, because people seem to be confused about what good representation is. people praise the hell out of that show, and for good reason it has great things about it, but people told me it had good disabled representation. so i watched it. and while parts of the disabled representation is good.. almost all physically different/disabled characters are portrayed as bad/evil/villains at some point in their story (or all of it.) and then by the end of the show most of them are dead.

abled people i need you to understand that is not good representation. please look out for these tropes it happens ALL the time.

good representation includes different/disabled characters who are heroes and morally “good” too.

if you make all your villains physically different and none of them are heroes i hate you. i am so sick of this.

i really cannot understand how people see disabled life as this glamorised lazy life. i genuinely cannot wrap my head around this.

how could ANY of what i go through be seen that way i just dont get it.

disabled consistency prt. 2 prt. 1 here (u dont need to read it to understand this post)

what happens to consistency, to habits, when you have a dynamic disability?

i want us to understand the differences between having a consistent body and having an ever changing one. sometimes you could be so healthy you are working/studying, exercising a few times a week, socialising, and independently caring for yourself. but other times.. you’re bedbound? can’t even shower and brush your teeth twice a day? can’t keep up with texting your friends or social media? what habit is surviving that.

you work so hard to build habits and follow routines you and your doctors have set, and then you achieve it, but then it all gets taken away in a flare-up. you wonder what the point is. its a constant vicious cycle. even abled people know its hard to build habits. it takes time. and you might not have that time.

for abled people, theres no time limit on building a habit. they might have a goal in mind of when they want to achieve it, but theres no actual clock ticking in the background.

for me, and for other dynamically disabled people, we are on a time crunch. you may not be aware of it, but you are. it’s always a race to get things done while you can, build those habits and routines and get consistent and get your life together while you can. because even if you’re not thinking it, you are living on a countdown until your next flare-up. until the next crash, the next time you lose all your progress.

and that cycle, is exhausting. it’s like building a sandcastle right on the shore. you build it and you get to revel in it for a second. then it’s gone. there may be a little bump in the sand where your hard work had just stood, but essentially, you are starting from scratch. while the abled people are up the beach a few metres and their sand is perfectly wet and perfectly dry and the waves never reach it.

then those same people, tell you to just keep building. “eventually you’ll get there!” “keep trying!” “habits take time!” they say. but how? there will always be another wave.

understanding this difference in experience is so important if you want to understand why you can’t just tell a disabled person to form habits or be consistent and expect results.

fellow LSN disabled people, this is coming from a place of much compassion and love. i hear you when you say you’re jealous of MSN/HSN people’s support. how you wish you could have such support. mental health is complicated and it’s hard to see through emotions and trauma.

but i really need you to understand that our higher support needs disabled friends aren’t inherently privileged for having said support. while it may be that if you had that same support your QOL would improve, they most likely need the support you’re jealous of to literally survive.

the point i really want to make here is there is a difference between support for QOL and support to SURVIVE. people die without these supports. that is not a privileged position to be in.

you’re allowed to be upset and angry that you don’t have the life you want and deserve, but please focus those feelings on society and governments. because they are the ones that created a world in which it is so hard for us to exist.

we need to be friends to each other, not throwing around misdirected anger and blame. please take time to listen to MSN/HSN disabled people and learn about their experiences, there are so many people out there begging to be heard.

this i always feel like theres basically two versions of “cant” because sometimes people say cant and they dont actually mean that.. they just mean its hard. and then they assume i also mean its just hard.

it genuinely so. so. no even have word for it. so profoundly exhausting that anytime any disabled person talk about can’t do something—full, wholeheartedly can’t, absolutely can’t, under no circumstance can, if no one help them or do it for them it not get done n they suffer whatever consequence include dying—that it always get FLOOD by so so many “same it SO hard for me but no one help so have to force do by self” n “am i? actually? not low support needs? because all these stuff u talk about so hard for me too n no one recognize it so have do it by self :(“ like you all not get it n not even know you not get it n not sure you all even capable of get it, n, ironically this time do mean, that genuinely, absolutely, no matter what happen, can’t

oh my god i had no idea these were a thing maybe i could bake again 😭😭😭

If you're ambulatory and struggle standing to cook, consider a "perching stool" for the kitchen. They're made to make cooking safer and easier for disabled people and there's a lot of different kinds. I wish I had known about these when I could still stand.

i am constantly worried that my unpredictable health will lose me all my friends. you might say thats irrational, but it has already happened to me twice.

i have been called flakey, unreliable, a downer and probably more i havent heard. and i cant help but wonder, if the world around me was accessible, would i be any of those things?

the lengths i go to for relationships never feels flaky or unreliable to me. but maybe to other people it doesnt matter why i cant show up sometimes. maybe all that matters to them is a yes or no are they here with no context.

try be accessible and lenient with your disabled friends please..

kinda proving my own point by posting about consistency and then getting really sick and going to hospital jfhdkd

“consistency is key” doesn’t apply to many disabled people.

going to the doctor and having them tell me that and that i need to stick to a schedule they have deemed appropriate is completely comedic.

what about the fact that my health and ability to do anything is a constant gamble? it can change drastically and almost instantly at any given time.

what about how right now i can stand up and make myself breakfast, but by lunch time? who knows. i may be unable to even sit up.

how do u listen to me explain that i dont have a daily or weekly schedule because of how unpredictable my health is, and reply by giving me a schedule.

do you not think i have tried to stick to a routine and schedule like all the healthy people around me??

all i see is people with consistency. i grew up thinking i was broken because i couldnt. i have pushed myself to breaking points trying to fit your mould of success and health.

im sorry if you experience this too. im going to make another post about what consistency can look like for me and other disabled people. because while we dont fit the classic definition of it, there are ways we can make our own version. i wish doctors would listen to me and would help me find my version instead of insisting on theirs, but they havent, so i wanna try help others find theirs.

so i spent a day admitted, the went home after having some relief. then it all came back full force 12 hours later so im back in emergency. lol

on day 5 of a migraine get me out of here

one of my health issues thats been stable for around 8 years is suddenly worsening the past month and it makes me so scared that i might have to go through the procedure that was the worst day of my life again 😭👍🏻

and what i really want is more deformed characters who are GOOD instead of this awful pattern of the deformed characters being evil.

anyways i am currently working on multiple such characters.

Really wish I saw more art of deformed characters. More diversity in bodies. I feel like people are scared to draw us because they’re worried they’ll do it wrong or something. But 1. wrong and trying is better than nothing, and 2. you can always ask somebody for input. There are always people who are willing to answer your questions, you just have to find them. My asks are always open and I know a to of other people who are like that, too.

it hurts hearing other disabled people talk about medical mistreatment.

like i am partly grateful to not be alone of course, but i really wish it wasnt a common or even standard occurrence.

breaks my heart.