I Hate How My Ridiculous Obsession With Him Makes Me Feel Such Hatred Towards A Girl That Has Done Nothing

I'm so miserable all the time. Being alone, just in my room used to be my fun time, my comfort time, the time I lived for. But now I'm just miserable.

I'm less miserable in school then at after it ends. My days consist of wishing the current moment to end. But the near future is never any less horrible since im stuck in a circle of agony. And I can't get out.

This is supposed to be the best time of my life. But I feel like this, how tf is life gonna be like in the future. Worse obvs cause I haven't gotten better since I was like 11.

I wish my parents didn't love, wish I wasn't aware that me killing myself would destroy them. Wish I could just end me existence, at the end of the day that's what I want the most.

Not denying it anymore. I am manipulative! I am problematic! Love me!!

Funny how this is supposed to be the best time of my life, but I spend 97% of it being miserable, crying and hoping something would change, knowing that nothing ever will and that it will only get worse from now.

My brains is so funny cause it sees me in worlds not real, but struggles to acknowledge me in this one.

I cant cope with having to go to work. Maybe if I could do some physical work outside, but only places available are customer service. I can't cope with having to work as a server or a cashier till I get my degree. How do people do it, why do people do it. Why do they live.

every night

I wanna thrift w someone <333

It's so weird feeling that you have a lot of love to give, but feeling as if you have no one to give that specific love to. Yes I have loved ones that that love me, that I keep living for really. But it's no the same.

And at the same time my mind just yearns to have someone to obsess over.

I really wish I had a good spot to cut at home. I have literally nowhere to do it and it's so unfortunate and frustrating.

If he ain't like that, I don't want him 😤😤

Being so obsessed with a girl that I’m just left there using a flashlight in front of her while moaning and whimpering her name. Moving my hips up and down and pretending I was inside her, begging her to let me feel the real thing.

Her warm hand on my cheek, cleaning my desperate tears, her praise reaching down my ear when I’m about to cum. My legs shaking and cum leaking down the flashlight as I moan her name one last time. All obsessed, just for her