Just Realized That One Of The Main Reasons I Binge Is Because I Have Nothing Else To Look Forward To

Would be fascinating to know how giving up almost every day has affected my brain chemistry

I cant cope with having to go to work. Maybe if I could do some physical work outside, but only places available are customer service. I can't cope with having to work as a server or a cashier till I get my degree. How do people do it, why do people do it. Why do they live.

I really wish I had a good spot to cut at home. I have literally nowhere to do it and it's so unfortunate and frustrating.

I've been im a complete bubble whole summer. Haven't gone into town at all, just work and rotting. Which has been fun. And during it all it never even occurred to me that Damn I haven't socialized at all, let alone did I miss it.

But yesterday I met up with a good friend of mine, we just spoke for 3 hours. And when i acc got a taste of it, I lowkey missed socializing, like wanted to do it more. Really hoping that passes. But I'm also scared what will happen when I go into uni, since I'm gonna be around people all the time which means I'll want to socialize, but I won't have anyone to acc do it with lol

It's gotten to the point where I can't blame my incompetence on my age anymore. I've realized im just incompetent. Not as an excuse rather as in I'm just dumber, less progressed, weak, specifically too weak to cope with life overall. It feels like I won't ever be a fully or well functioning part of society.

Is this too much to ask for???

Ohhh 😔

I long for a aub💖💖

Ffs obviously my mother enters the room next to me just a little while before I planned to start cutting. I can't risk her walking in to me cutting myself. She asked me how I was and I told her so and so. And she told me that she misses the girl who would enjoy being sometimes and asked how she could change my current situation. I do put in effort to not show how bad I feel to my parents, I suppress my tears, screams and breakdowns, but I guess that's not enough. I have to start smiling, being happy and joyful. I don't know if I can.

Also now I'll have to cut myself in the school bathroom tomorrow which is like 2 times harder than at home, I wish I was good at cutting myself, but I can't do anything right.

Gotta hate it when the hunger gets so suffocating you just start to dryly sob.

I’m no therapist or anything. I can’t fix what’s making you sad. I can offer hot chocolate and hugs though. I hope things get better. If you like cats i hope one comes and purrs on your chest.

Thank you!! That's very sweet of you, I appreciate it <33 I wish cute cats upon you aswell